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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what's your biggest regret in life?

413 replies

EagledWingsofRefuge · 16/08/2017 16:09

That and have you regretted more things you didn't do or did do?

I have a difficult decision to make and I'm wondering if I make the wrong choice if it'll turn out to be my biggest regret in life. It just made me wonder, what's everyone else's regrets? And are they over things you regret doing or regret not doing?

OP posts:
revolution909 · 17/08/2017 08:27

This thread is making me very melancholic, am I the only one??

redrobinblue · 17/08/2017 08:30

@Calliwalli it's never too late!

The80sweregreat · 17/08/2017 08:39

Another one who hates her wedding dress ( 28 years on) and i cannot look at my wedding pictures as i look awful in most of them.
regret buying the first thing i saw ( because it was cheap and in a sale) and believing the woman who sold it me!
first world problem i know!
loads of other things too - buying our first house ( shouldnt have done at that time) not being more assertive in life, letting people walk all over me, not pursuing much of a career , being lazy.. list is endless!

MissBax · 17/08/2017 08:40

Hurting people for selfish reasons. I've never regretted life changes such as travelling / jobs / experiences as such.

BR62Y · 17/08/2017 09:22

Getting married at 21- mistake.

Getting married again.

I clearly wasn't cut out for marriage! I find it so dull and restricting.

Wish I had gone to Uni too for the parties and shagging more than anything though!

Astella22 · 17/08/2017 09:22

My biggest regret is and will always be not seeing my gran aunt before she died. She was like a grandmother to me and had no kids of her own but after my own grandmother died I distanced myself from her, I don't really know why but then a few mth later she passed and her husband refusing to shake my hand at the funeral will haunt me to my dying day. I was a stupid teenager but its no excuse.

ApuskiDoo · 17/08/2017 09:33

Oh Astella, that's so sad. You were so young though. You should forgive yourself thatFlowers

SparklePony · 17/08/2017 09:53

Lol me too! Except I was 17-23! Prime of my life Sad why do we do it to ourselves?

SparklePony · 17/08/2017 09:58

In response to netmumsbastards

SparklePony · 17/08/2017 10:01

I regret so many things in life! It's human nature isn't it? Mostly letting people control me and trusting people who let me down. Things tend to work out for the best though. Good luck with your choice!

happyfrown · 17/08/2017 10:13

not speaking to my father sooner. called him in march 2015 after 8yrs lost contact, arranged to meet up and start fresh. but he died suddenly in may 2015 we never got to meet Sad missed him everyday we didn't speak. lifes shorter than we think.

spinassienne · 17/08/2017 11:17

Buying the knly house in the world to have dropped in value in the past five years Angry

Tylee · 17/08/2017 11:27

Properly coming out as bisexual and having actual relationships with women. My husband and some friends know, but I'm in a happy committed relationship with a man now, so I'm not going to be snogging women any time soon. I wish I'd been more honest with myself about this when I was at uni and single.

Being a bit more adventurous when I was younger. I wish I'd travelled more and spent more time taking drugs and going to parties instead of being boring and sensible. But then, I liked being boring and sensible, and I have some lovely boring sensible friends because of it, so maybe that's just slightly envying people who aren't me.

To answer your question - all my regrets are things I DIDN'T do, not things I did. Though I do still regret being mean to my brother when I was fourteen ...

ChickenVindaloo2 · 17/08/2017 11:29

In "Feel the Fear and do it anyway", the author says not to torture yourself over should I do option A or option B. Neither is the Right Choice or the Wrong Choice. They are just 2 choices and you will cope/survive whatever choice you make and whatever happens.

I jacked in my life to move away with a whirlwind romance 4 years ago. The relationship fell apart fairly spectacularly so some would say it was the Wrong Choice. But it wasn't, it was just the choice I made at the time and I build my life back together again afterwards.

Good luck with your decision.

ineedwine99 · 17/08/2017 11:38

Thinking my ex would change and sending longer with him than i should have.
Thankfully i'm now happily married, just regret wasting time on the arse.

andshewillbeloved · 17/08/2017 11:42

I regret going travelling when my mum had terminal cancer. She didn't live much longer after I left and it's my fault.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 17/08/2017 11:47

andshewillbeloved:
Don't blame yourself. Think of all the many years you had with her. She knew you loved her, I'm sure. And she had you so you could live your own life. xx

oldlaundbooth · 17/08/2017 11:47

Serious ones :

Doing the wrong degree.
Not joining the police when I could have done. Too old now.

Non serious :

Not going to Japan when I was living in Australia and tickets were only $400 for a flight. No fucking way I'm going to Japan anytime soon these days!

NotMyPenguin · 17/08/2017 12:26

Staying in lovely but 'not right' relationships for too long (twice!!! at 5+ years a pop, that's quite a lot of life gone).

Being in a relationship for the whole time I was an undergraduate.

Putting on an unhealthy amount of weight.

Doing a postgraduate degree at Oxford, which didn't suit me. It was a very depressing time. I should have waited, worked first, and gone elsewhere. But ironically I do think that having an Oxford degree still gets me interviews when I apply for jobs, despite being the least meaningful thing I've done (academically).

FindoGask · 17/08/2017 12:31

Not finishing my law degree. I studied it part-time after my first degree but it got too much to handle on top of working full time. I only intended to take a break but I somehow ended up never going back.

The80sweregreat · 17/08/2017 13:10

notmypenguin, i would imagine that having a degree from one of the finest universities in the world is a very big plus for you! its not a regret, its something to be really proud of. I wish i had born with better brains and had a better education, but those were out of my control!
Weight can also be lost - i know its not easy and i have given up that myself, but it can be done and your still young too. Dont be too hard on yourself!

Openup41 · 17/08/2017 13:35

My experiences have made me the 0erson I am today. However my biggest regrets are;

  1. Not asking (begging) my mum to move me to another secondary school. I was horrendously verbally bullied and humiliated on a daily basis aged 14-16 by groups of peers. Most days I wished I was dead and felt unworthy. 25 years later I am still reminding myself that I am worth it and just as deserving as others.
  1. Not standing up to the bullies. Not even once. I feebly argued back usually in tears - alone as my friends never stood up for me.
  1. Refusing to visit my cousin (same age) who also bullied me as a teen. I was like a little lapdog who went back for more. She laughed at my clothes, my hairstyles, the fact that no boys were interested in me, said I was dopey. She encouraged her little siblings to hit and punch me. I just sat there and took it.

I clearly struggled with self worth as a child so tolerated whatever people did or said to me. I am not that person anymore and no longer spend time with others who are spiteful to me.

Now married with dc, nice home and good friends. A particular of me feels I am beneath others and I am still honoured if someone wants to meet up with me socially.

Liskee · 17/08/2017 14:03

Going back. At age 21 I should have just left the relationship where it was and moved on. Instead I went back and spent another 3 years with him. Cue weight gain, self image issues, confidence issues and a serious streak of paranoia and jealousy. Fucked up the next 10 years really. Although now, 20 years on at age 40, and everything has turned out okay, I think maybe it was meant to happen that way? But I like to think I'd have had a bit more fun and liked myself a bit more had I just walked away when I could have.

BlindAssassin1 · 17/08/2017 14:18

Not taking a firmer stance in my relationship with DP and telling him to pull his weight with the DC when they were babies. I wish I'd told him to help out properly or fuck off.

With hindsight he needed to give up or at least cut down considerably his hobby to help out more with a colicy baby then a sick baby. The stress of it all put severe strain on my mental health, I'm not the same person (though I am tougher skinned for all this).

I really didn't think I could cope with another DC - I couldn't trust him to help out, so I had an abortion this year. Shitty regret.

Iflyaway · 17/08/2017 14:49

This is a great and interesting thread.

I've done loads of stuff in my life, some crazy, some "perfect" for me at the time.

I have no regrets really - o.k. I can say to myself "Oh I should've done that then" leaving those men who abused me, sooner. Luckily, I always ran-- got away.

But all my experiences have brought me to where I am today, and all over, quite relaxed with where I am now. In my 60's now, and you do care less what people think or gossip of you. It's only their opinion!

The one big regret I do have is not getting on that train to the Bob Marley concert when I had a ticket!.... Sad