6yo playing out until 10pm

[eatmytoast]

I don't think IABU but this is not sitting right with me.

I live on a new build estate, my house is right at the start of the development.

There is a boy aged 6 who lives at the furthest back end of the development, however, he is playing outside at our end until 9.30 ish most nights, last night it was 10pm!

There is absolutely no way that his mum can see him from her house, he is completely unsupervised.
I would say it's safe enough apart from cars but surely not for a 6 year old?

To be honest I think that is where I gained most of my independence which is worth its weight in gold.

Isn't it dark by 10 pm in the majority of the UK by now? Light is fading here 8:30- 9 on a decent day.

I'm begining to let my 6 & 4 year old flow between ours and the neighbours. I open the windows and check up on them frequently. We're the end of a cul-de-sac with a shared drive so fairly private and bounded, but not totally so.

I would consider letting the 6 old play with a trusted older child, but I would want to have them visible/ check frequently and not nearly so late into the evening. He's a very sensible, cautious child and I'm begining to let him use his judgement on very quiet side roads. There is the hazard of the drivers who are too confident that they'll be the only one on the road as usual.

6 is an age where a more sensible child in the right environment can begin to have a taste of independence, but not just left to it.

Are you sure he's 6? Plus, he's with 9 yr olds. Who are these other 2?
Playing out in the summer holidays? Hardly neglect.
Ds2 plays out later in the summer holidays. During term time, on a school night, it's different.

It wouldn't sit right with me either. I wouldn't be happy for 6 or 9 year olds to be out after dark, at 10pm, without a responsible adult present.
It also seems a bit presumptuous to expect 2 x unrelated 9 year olds to be looking out for a 6 year old too.

Not sure what you can do about it other than having a word with his parents. And the parents of the 9 year olds too, in case they aren't aware that their boys are playing with a much younger, unsupervised, child. You may get a flea in your ear, but at least you'll have alerted them to your concerns.

Don't even get me started on the whole 'playing out' business. It's just a euphemism for 'it's neglect but nobody cares because the kids are lower class

PollyFlint it's not area at all, I have friends here in my area who recoil in horror about letting their kids out like many on the thread, and others who let them at young ages. The local street environment doesn't seem to make a difference.

One child regularly out alone after dark would have me questioning too, not mostly for their safety, but how unhappy is their home life that they sit outside in the dark doing nothing much. This case is not a child alone though, it's a kid playing with friends.

*Where you live obviously is key detaining factor to view on this.

South east very affluent town, and I promise you 1. No one sayes "play out" 2. No allows it*

Agree with PPs that this isn't true...or at least the second paragraph isn't. I also live in a very affluent south eastern town. Our house, like many PPs, is in a cul-de-sac. In fact, it's a cul-de-sac at the end of a cul-de-sac and the houses are built around a private green (but accessible by anyone should they be so inclined). There are often kids 'playing out on the green'. I intend to let my children do the same when they are old enough.

It's surely about how safe the kids are (I can see the whole green from my front windows).

OP, YANBU in being uncomfortable about what you have personally described.

He was playing with two 9 year olds so not alone or unsupervised. During the summer my 6 year old played out well past 10pm some nights (but mostly just in the garden, but a couple of nights she with neighbours), that's what's nice about summer as its light much later so you need to make the most of it.
If its a busy street for cars though that is definitely something to be concerned about.

Don't even get me started on the whole 'playing out' business. It's just a euphemism for 'it's neglect but nobody cares because the kids are lower class'

Well that's bollocks, good parents let their kids play out round my way. Even a social worker sent my DD (5 at the time) out to play when she was visiting.

So he's not on his own, he's playing with two others, on street where he lives pretty much? I'm not seeing any neglect tbh, unless there's more details to come

Lots of research here about the benefits of unsupervised street play.

Hardly neglect to be playing on his own housing estate with two older boys during the school holiday. How do you know he isn't in the care of one of their mothers? Are you sure of their ages or just guessing?

I think it's sad for the children not allowed, pressing their noses to the window and wishing they were out there making friends, building dens, racing about on their bikes instead of getting an early night or being taxied between parent-approved playdates.

his mum his happy with it so that's all there's is to it

Really?! The ability to procreate does not automatically make somebody a good parent. Parents do not always know best. If they did, there wouldn't be such a huge job for SS.

One of the pieces of research, from the 2013 Playful Spaces campaign, demonstrates that the main barrier to children free playing without adult supervision in their own community spaces is the unwelcoming attitude of those communities.

I honestly can't get my head around how many people on here see unsupervised play as neglect, when there are so many benefits.

I think it's sad for the children not allowed, pressing their noses to the window and wishing they were out there making friends, building dens, racing about on their bikes instead of getting an early night or being taxied between parent-approved playdates

That is just such a sad image :( totally agree!

The 2 x 9 year old boys are not supervising him, they are way to young for that.
I see similar cases where I live, young kids between 5-7 wandering around the estate well out of view of their houses until 9 pm at night and never a parent in sight.

The worst is a neighbour of mine who lets her 2 year old out with his 7 year old sister unattended. She runs off and plays with her friends and he potters about himself. We live in a cul de sac with 2 greens, at the top of the greens is the main road into the estate and then it branches off between the greens into our cul de sac. He goes onto the path along the main road in and regularly crosses over and back on the road that branches off. I often go out to watch out for him.

There is also a 5 year old boy with autism that comes from his end of the estate to ours to play. He pulls down his trousers and underpants and shows himself to the kids and adults. He was almost run over by car in the estate and his mother had the audacity to go on facebook looking for the culprit and ranting about how dangerous it was. It hasn't made her supervise him though.

😱 shit! My 9 year old is playing out on her bike with her friends! I always thought I was middle class but now my neighbours will think I'm lower class and neglectful. How can I show my face on the estate again

Sad?!

Oh c'mon

My children get a lot of freedom but i am just there. So we go to the park, I sit on a bench. We go in to the woods, they run on ahead. I take them to the beach, I sit down on a blanket, they go by the water.

They are 4 and 7. So bloody young.

Sad?! Makes me chuckle, honestly

Well, whatever you do duchess, don't sit out on your front garden and supervise, you'll only cement your 'lower class' status

RainyApril , its not about not being let out, its about being supervised when out playing. ( I obviously mean this to apply to young kids under 8 day).
A 6 year old unsupervised at up to 10pm at night is neglectful.
Kids can run around making dens and playing perfectly fine with an adult supervising them. It doesn't have to be intrusive, I often sit on a chair in the front garden and read a book, you don't have to be hovering.

Parents don't go out because they are too lazy and will be happy to blame someone if something goes wrong.
What really drives me mad is expecting an older child to supervise a younger one. They don't see the danger, can get too caught up in a game and forget and most importantly they should be focused on enjoying themselves and not be worrying about minding a younger child. If something does go wrong, they will be blamed and or feel responsible and that's an unfair responsibility to put on a child.

He is most definitely 6, and the other boys are 9.

I've nothing against playing out, not sure if those comments were directed at me or other posters, my DS and DD are playing out right now. Outside my house and in and out the garden with the neighbours children where I can see them.
I'm not a helicopter parent and I too valued my childhood playing manhunt and Kirby all day with my friends.

It just didn't sit right that this boy is out so very late at night, at 6 years old. it is dark here by 9ish.

I wouldn't and won't say anything to the parent, it's absolutely none of my business what she chooses to do with her son.

Just curious as to what others thoughts were on the situation

Fuck Me! If letting our DD5 play out in the backs with the neighbour kids is "neglectful" then you'd better call Social Services to come and haul me and DH away right this very minute.....

Get a fucking grip will you. Kids playing out with friends is what they bloody live for! Mine is always in the backs, playing with the kids from up and down the row, in and out of their houses/gardens, our house/garden, pestering us, mithering the dog and cats!! I don't always know her exact location but it has been drilled into her that A: she isn't allowed past next door but 2's garden (towards the road which is still about 10 houses away), B: she doesn't go with anyone she doesn't know, C: she doesn't make a nuisance of herself with other parents and D: she comes in when I call her, no fuss or she doesn't play out anymore.

She's absolutely loving the freedom at the moment; she's off school, DH and I have been off work, she can play out to her hearts content. There is nothing wrong, neglectful or scummy about it!

I do however agree with the OP that a 6 year old, playing out at 10pm, alone and unsupervised would have me on edge worrying about them. I may even go so far as to go and ask the kid are they ok, does their mum know they're still out etc etc... But that probably puts me in the category of "nosey neighbour" and might earn me a flaming from the MNers that wouldn't dream of interfering and prefer to moan behind closed doors instead

OP - if it keeps happening, and you are genuinely worried about him, just go out and ask him if he is ok.

'Playing out' is NOT children playing in their own garden whilst parent supervises.

Playing out : is playing somewhere outside the boundaries of your property: on the streets/cul-de-sac, local park, any area, etc.

Also part of the benefits are that the parents aren't watching, they can't outsource responsibility for solving problems, they can't outsource conflict resolution, they actually have to make decisions for themselves.

Just like when 18 year olds are out with 15 year olds, the 9 year olds are not supervising the 6, they're just playing together.

For those of you who claim that it not neglectful let me share a few stories. Child shorter than a car suddenly bolts onto the road from between parked cars nearly getting killed (this happens every other time we drive onto the estate, obviously we drive very slowly for this reason but a lot of people don't).
Another incident involved a five/six year old girl. We parked up outside to see this little girl hovering completely alone on the street. My husband (a very big man) asked her what she was doing, without any fear she replied that she was waiting for a friend. When we moved towards her (so that we could walk past to get inside) she didn't do much as flinch. We could have grabbed her then and there and nobody would have noticed. We watched from the window and this little girl was outside alone on a deserted street for a good twenty minutes before her friends showed up. Anything could have happened and nobody would have known.

Also, I never 'played out' as a child. It did not make me in the least bit 'sad' instead I spent the time reading which was far more beneficial than running around on the street with a bunch of ingrates.

Dina1234

How do you know the little girls parent wasn't her watching from her house?