To not understand why teenagers are said to be quite so expensive

[theduchessstill]

On here I often see it written that having teenagers is so incredibly expensive and I don't understand why.

It's actually getting me quite anxious as ds1 is 10 so the teen years are fast approaching. I followed one of those links people post last week where you put in just your income and how many dependants/adults live with you, and apparently I am better off than 81% of people now but that will plummet to 51% of people when both dc are 14 +. Obviously this is a crude tool, but it has been niggling at me.

Why are they so expensive and are none of the costs balanced by the absence of childcare fees with this age group ? Childcare is easily my biggest cost after my mortgage and I often think I will be better off when I don't need it anymore. Exactly what takes its place? I know food - and am already seeing it with ds1, but food can only cost so much, surely. What else is so expensive with teens? I know I probably sound stupid, but, hey, I want to know.

If you can afford it, then it seems a bit odd to deny your dcs. The pil were well off, but teenage ds was not permitted any nice clothes, had a third-hand bike and never had a single treat. This resulted in dh being an utter spendthrift the minute he earned his own money...

On the issue of why teens are more expensive, well, even if you don't "indulge" them, everything is more expensive when you have older dcs. My dcs were bargainous as small children. Days out consisted of a picnic and a bit of a run round. Now if you all go for coffee and cake it's £20, let alone lunch or dinner. And I'm not talking about a Michelin-starred place, either. Even at a fairly modest establishment you won't get much change out of £100 for dinner for four.

I wholeheartedly agree that driving/swimming are life skills and to class those as "entitled" extras is ludicrous. If you can afford them, then they would be a priority, I would say.

As i said before i find Penneys boys clothes very hit and miss.They dont wash well and go out of shape.Plus the sizes are not always right.

Say i go to Nike,they usually have deals on.So buy 2 t shirts for 25 euro.Its cheaper for me to do that.

My teens don't wear branded clothing...in fact DD refuses to wear anything with a "label".... but it still costs a fair whack to clothe them as they grow. Fortunately DD seems to have stopped but even her tiny size 6 body needs quite a lot of food (she dies a LOT of exercise because she loves it). DS just keeps growing taller but is very skinny (although he eats more than DH), again isn't fussed about what he wears but I do like it to actually fit rather than trousers finishing half way up his legs.....

Lady I really disagree about driving. It's a luxury that a lot of people cannot afford. If you live in a city, even more so.

I don't drive. I will not be paying for my children to learn to drive. If they want to learn, they will pay for it themselves.

My DSs don't ask for designer clothing, they do have some that were bought for gifts. Otherwise I buy the best quality I can for the cheapest amount. That doesn't stop it all costing a fortune or sometimes being a designer make. It's the shoes/boots and jackets etc that cost the most, Dss mainly wear shorts. I've just thrown out some that cost £1.99 in H&M that DS2 has been wearing for 6 years! Yet I've had to buy him 5 blazers in less time coming to £225. He's had 3 decent outdoor jackets in the same time (needed for Scouts and DofE) that I think total over £200. Biggest expense will be boots, oh dear god the boots, even in sales which I can't get much in as they were in the "popular" sizes for a while, I think I must have spent nearly £400 quid on boots, per child just in the last few years. They've been doing outdoor stuff and had boots since they were toddlers so I don't even want to think about that. I still have the same walking boots I bought 25 years ago.

It now looks like their feet have stopped growing so it was with glee that I told them that unless they asked for them for birthdays or christmases, the boots I'd just bought were the very last pair I was buying. Over £100 a pair and then DS1 developled Plantar Faciitus so had to change his expedition to Kayaking instead of Walking. Then there was the cost of kitting him out for that instead and also paying for the trip as there are obviously costs involved in transporting and hiring kayaks etc. that don't occur when they are walking.

I have to say that autograph men's underwear is expensive (for me) but my son loves them. I've told my ex to make sure they come home as he's with his dad and stepbrothers this week. It was said in a nice way and he was astounded that three pairs of underpants cost £18.00. DS likes them - which I raised an eyebrow at.

It's essential that children are bought up with some understanding of cash/work. There are far too many entitled teens about! Hilariously they think they are hard done by if they are not handed branded clothes, up to date games/it equipment or eating at KFC regularly.

There's a fine line. My teens can choose between earning their own cash to pay for an iPhone or having a basic model phone with PAYG. I'll happily provide swimming, driving lessons, a basic functioning wardrobe of clothes, good quality food.

I understand the driving but it's a notch up in sixth form, trust me. Most of the car parking space is taken up by sixth former's driving their car into school!

Driving depends on location and finances. Rural living makes it needed quite often. Good public city/town transport makes it less essential

Do you think by paying for branded clothes and fancy cosmetics you are setting them up for a lifetime of disappointment and debt?
I understand a cheap mobile contract and driving and swimming lessons but some of the other stuff really is excessive. If they don't have the earning potential to maintain it, their future will be a bit grim.

There are far too many entitled teens about! Hilariously they think they are hard done by if they are not handed branded clothes, up to date games/it equipment or eating at KFC regularly.

And the evidence for this is where?

I expect my DC to have a higher earning potential than DH and I. Neither of us are high earners. DSs don't ask for anything. I would expect them to be able to maintain a standard of living that includes food and clothes and appropriate tech.

food, branded clothes, entertaining them, money for cinema trips and going out with their friends....

Call me old fashioned but when I was a teenager, if I wanted a cell phone/branded clothes/a car/pocket money... I had a damn job and earned the money myself

My twin girls are 17, they both have mobile phone contracts which we pay £10 per month for an average phone (Samsung Galaxy) we didn't want to get iPhones as the monthly contract would be higher and I didn't want them to have expensive taste when we are the ones paying and also not to be the 'flash' kids. Food bill is higher now, clothes reasonably priced as they shop at Primark and Dorothy Perkins, I buy more expensive clothes (Superdry and Jack Wills) for Birthday and Christmas, they both are full time A Level students and both have a job, they are funding their driving lessons and we recently bought them a car to share. Holidays can be expensive if we take a foreign holiday as we pay for 4 adults and meals out as again paying for 4 adults, next year they are both hoping to go to university so life will change again.

With ours it's mainly clothes - they have to have brands, as well as equipment for the various sports they do. Plus when they get into their late teens they want phone contracts so they can constantly be in touch with their friends.

Food is a huge expense as well - when my boys hit 13 they suddenly turned into bottomless pits. When you've got two teens over 6 foot with 30 inch waists, your food bill goes up!

I think it feels expensive because you feel like you've got less for your money. You can buy £100 of toys and it looks like a huge amount, but the Beats headphones your DS wants cost the same amount and look like nothing!

Babycham why do they 'have' to have brands?

I'd like a real reason though. Not a "their friends do" or a rather weak "that's all they'll wear".

Why do they have to have them?

I don't know any children that have to have branded clothing and shoes. I know many that like them, but they're all quite functional when kitted out in Tesco and Primark jeans and jumpers.

All of this stuff..I just never had. I can't believe what some people pay for. I don't feel hard done by either. I knew the value of money.

Contract phone - didn't have one until I could afford to pay for it myself. I had regular phone contract and paid for it myself. I remember being about 18/19 and working in my local rugby club as kitchen staff and this 14 year old telling me about her nice new contract phone her mum paid for that I couldn't afford. I was

Clothes - bought those myself aside from Christmas and birthdays. I had a paper round. My parents bought my school stuff and the odd pair of trainers when my old ones wore out. And yes I got pocket money after a certain age so I bought a lot of things using that.

From 16 I worked in the cafe at college to pay for nice clothes and other things I wanted.

I paid for my own driving lessons.

Trips out below 16 I got the odd hand out from relatives and post 16 I paid mainly.

I certainly did eat my parents out of house and home though. I remember having 2 evening meals most nights ! I was starving all the time.

I would expect someone 16 and over to be paying for most of this stuff themselves. The odd freebie sure but nice expensive stuff would be a birthday job or paid for from their own money.

Ds(14 years) has just grown out of ALL his clothes in a year.

Just spent £200 on brand new school uniform (blazer, everything,), same for all his sport kit (needs new stuff) and for fencing he needs a new epee. New trainers (again) and a whole new set on clothes (men's size L...sob)

It's mad

He also eats me out of house and home, and likes doing stuff with friends (theme park, go out for movie), even if not very often, it all adds up

And then tech! Computer, phone etc.

Food, clothes & shoes in adult sizes/adult prices, pocket money, phone contracts, school supplies, hobbies, holidays (something else you're charged adult prices for) etc. Senior school fees if you go down that route. The list is endless.

I'm surprised by the lack of anyone mentioning that teenagers can have jobs and actually pay for some things themselves. I worked from age 14 to pay for the non- essentials I wanted such as make up, cinema tickets and driving lessons.
I'll be encouraging my girls to do the same when they reach that age.

I think the main problem is that up until age 16 jobs are hard to come by First. Other than paper rounds maybe there's nothing here.

DS1 has had a job since he was 16 and had paid for lots of stuff himself.

It's a different world now, there is no point harking back to your youth when you had a job at 13 and bought all your own stuff. Most people back then were the same. Shops and cafes were happy to employ children. Most people didn't own much, most families lived in one room in winter because they had no central heating, most people were relatively poor.

Teenagers now are under much more pressure to perform in exams and have the image they see in magazines and papers, they are under 24 a day social media pressure to look the best. They have less chance of owning a house, they will be working into their 70s. I just don't get why people begrudge parents spending their own money on trying to allow their teenagers a bit of life and freedom and pleasure. They will all be out working and paying for our old age pensions soon enough.

Also, I don't buy brands as such but sometimes its the best option from what is available taking into account quality versus price and hopefully less exploitation.

I'm not actually THAT old. We had social media and smart phones when I was growing up too. Not as good as now admittedly but they existed.

Under 16 jobs were hard to come by then too. I had a paper round but that was all until I was 16 too.

After that I worked to give myself nice things. I did get some pocket money and I had to save up out of that to get things I wanted.

There is no size fits all. people will be saying here that they don't buy things for their teens but then reveal (or not) that their DC get £100s in pocket money. Some people live in areas where jobs for teens are available and they can get themselves to and from those jobs by public transport, Others live where jobs are scarce and transport is non existent so driving lessons and cars are a priority. Some kids will be able to babysit but that's much harder for boys to do.

You cant always have it both ways.