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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH has spent the day cleaning his car!

153 replies

SameShitDifferentDay1 · 15/08/2017 17:11

We got back of holiday yesterday evening with our 2DS.

Today, I unpack and put away the clean cloths. Two lots of washing done, pegged out. Then do a big food shop and put it all away. As well as sorting out the two DS.

Whilst he spends the whole day cleaning his car!

AIBU to be a bit annoyed by? Oh but he did bring a shopping back in 🙄

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 16/08/2017 11:07

I'm not making out that running a house is time-consuming, and of course it's even less so for us because my husband pulls his weight.
You on the other hand are saying how easy it is when it doesn't actually appear that you do any of it - immediately after a holiday anyway. Not surprised you're wondering what all the fuss is about. (Not that there is a fuss, actually - but maybe that's another thing some men do to shut women up. Pretend they're nagging when they're actually just expecting a fair deal)

thatdearoctopus · 16/08/2017 11:30

But as scooby seems to want us to know he's a Busy Important Man who WORKS, maybe we should all STFU and get back to our humdrum housewifely chores.

thatdearoctopus · 16/08/2017 11:33

And also, scooby, I don't have a problem with children chatting whilst they tidy. What I do object to is those who stand by the door chatting, not helping at all and tutting because they're not allowed to go out to play until the room is reasonable.

PickAChew · 16/08/2017 11:34

A whole day? You can clean a whole house in the time he took!

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 16/08/2017 11:39

Men that do this drive me crazy. In NO universe does it take the whole day to clean the penis extension car. Reminds me of Guy Garvey in Car Share, who was always outside with his bike. I thought that was so funny because we all know men people like this..

MistressDeeCee · 16/08/2017 12:33

He's an adult human being he can see when an extra pair of hands would be useful for chores etc. He's not a child needing guidance. Id hep a mate out who was doing housework, packing etc if I was round there I've done it before, its what you do isn't it?! Thoughtfulness. Wearing out the brain pointing out to a grown man what needs to be done (when he knows already anyway) must be a tedious mental load

MargotLovedTom1 · 16/08/2017 12:42

Just talk to him!! Tell him why you're fucked off.

MargotLovedTom1 · 16/08/2017 12:49

Ok OP - I have chopped around your earlier post. You said: Argh, why does he think it's my job to do everything? My hair could do with a cut and my eyebrows need waxing, but they'll have to wait as not a priority.

Before that you said: DH has just asked me what I'm doing today, I said more washing and ironing. His reply 'OK, I'm going to get my hair cut' 😡

Why does he think it's your job to do everything? Because you've told him you'll do everything. You're waiting for him to have a personality transplant and say "OK, I'll do all this domestic stuff while you do whatever you like." He's not going to, is he?

When he asked what you were doing today, right there was your opportunity to say: "Well, we need to finish off the washing and ironing, then we can do what we want."

Speak up. Communicate your expectations. Don't be a martyr.

mumeeee · 16/08/2017 13:04

I think Yabu a bit unreasonable. You could have asked your Dh to help even if you think it's obvious.
Also I tend to gradually unpack and so the washing after a holiday. Yes my Dh will help. But we tend to like to relax on the day after we get back and gradually get back to normal. I know we don't have young children now as ours are grown up but it was the same when they were young children.
I find rushing around and getting everything done straight away tends to spoil the holiday a bit

JassyRadlett · 16/08/2017 13:37

^Why are people going on about a suitcase "needing" to be emptied and clothes "needing" to be washed and put away.

Poor bloke wants to chill when he gets back by waging his car, he probably enjoys it and gets pleasure from it and prioritises it over washing a few T shirts and pants. I can't blame him, it's not like the world is going to end if a few socks spend a few more hours (or days, or heaven forbid weeks) packed in a suitcase^

And for how long is it reasonable for the children to go unfed and without clean clothes if the OP also decides to indulge her hobby rather than addressing shared priorities?

Artisanjam · 16/08/2017 13:42

You misunderstand Jassy. You need to be rich enough so that you can live on takeaways and buy new disposable clothes until the H is sufficient relaxed and rested to assist with cleaning and shopping.

If you can't afford that, you really shouldn't be going on holiday at all.

JassyRadlett · 16/08/2017 13:49

True true Artisan. Silly me, I've long laboured under misapprehensions about the capabilities of functional adults. Still, I'm set right now.

MyStomachHurts · 16/08/2017 13:53

Sounds like you did everything so what else could have done? Grin

FlandersRocks · 16/08/2017 13:59

I don't see how the dh cleaning the car is 'a hobby'.

The op has been away in the UK - after any extended UK trip, our car is usually filthy. Sand and crumbs and rubbish, full boot full of crap including dirty/muddy shoes and coats and balls and the odd wet towel that's been flung in last minute. Every window and mirror covered in sticky kids prints, the odd bit of grease or spillage of drink or sun tan lotion, receipts and crisp packets stuffed in the doors and so on.

I always feel sorry for dh doing the car when we get back (not sorry enough to offer to do it) and am more than happy to do a few loads of washing when he does it!

SandyDenny · 16/08/2017 14:13

But Jassy he isn't intending to do anything that benefits the whole family today either. It's totally unreasonable for him to expect to be able to do exactly what he wants for 2 days when the op isn't having the same luxury.

Original poster
SameShitDifferentDay1 · 16/08/2017 14:14

Flanders, I'd maybe understand if the car was really filthy, but it wasn't. We took any rubbish out of the car as soon as we got home. We had a towel down under the car seats so it really wasn't that bad and it certainly wasn't muddy.

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom1 · 16/08/2017 14:30

I am feeling like a broken record here, but is there any particular reason why you can't have a conversation about this?

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 16/08/2017 14:35

It's irrelevant whether the car "needed" a clean like that. Household chores need to be shared.

On the other hand, did all the washing "need" to be done as soon as you got home? Bunging things in a washing machine is hardly hard work.

Sounds like OP's husband was pretty thoughtless, but she's being a martyr too. Why not actually talk to each other???

MargotLovedTom1 · 16/08/2017 14:39

I've been asking that for a while, but seem to be typing in invisible font Wink.

Original poster
SameShitDifferentDay1 · 16/08/2017 16:04

Well, I got really pissed off earlier, I've had a banging headache all do, between washing, ironing and looking after DS2. He's been for his hair cut, found a little stone chip on his car so yes that got attention for another hour then he sat on his ass on his computer.

I was putting all the ironing away then went to wash up a few bits when I went hell for leather at him, told him he has done jack shit in household duties since we've been back and that his sodding car could have waited...his reply rolled his eyes, made a noise and carried on with his internet surfing

OP posts:
Original poster
SameShitDifferentDay1 · 16/08/2017 16:08

Margot, DH is an adult, why the hell should I have to sit him down and explain in fine detail what needs doing? It's self explanatory.

Fair enough I do the washing etc, but he could have done the food shop whilst I was doing that. He knew it needed doing.

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom1 · 16/08/2017 17:00
Hmm I didn't mean sitting him down and talking in fine detail about what needs doing FFS. I meant have a conversation about the state of play and why you were pissed off.

Anyway, it seems like you just wanted to moan and whinge and have everyone agree that he's a prick, so crack on doing everything like a martyr then blow up at him because that's really working, isn't it?

Original poster
SameShitDifferentDay1 · 16/08/2017 17:25

Margot, well it has worked because he's cooking dinner.

And yes I have every right to come on here and have a moan and whinge, isn't that pretty much what everyone does?

I only asked if I was being unreasonable!

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 16/08/2017 17:46

So, whilst your h was fannying about for 6 fucking hours on his car, not only did you do all the post-holiday chores (that scooby thinks are unnecessary for an important captain of industry anyway ) you also looked after small children? If you had car seats, I presume they're of an age where they need some supervision in the house.

Kursk · 16/08/2017 17:52

FlandersRocks

I agree with you, in our home it would be a household chore on the list.

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