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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH has spent the day cleaning his car!

153 replies

SameShitDifferentDay1 · 15/08/2017 17:11

We got back of holiday yesterday evening with our 2DS.

Today, I unpack and put away the clean cloths. Two lots of washing done, pegged out. Then do a big food shop and put it all away. As well as sorting out the two DS.

Whilst he spends the whole day cleaning his car!

AIBU to be a bit annoyed by? Oh but he did bring a shopping back in 🙄

OP posts:
MeanAger · 15/08/2017 18:09

Hat= hair! My dog doesn't wear hats.

VelvetSpoon · 15/08/2017 18:10

To do a proper deep clean (taking seats out etc), wax and polish of a family sized car would take about 5 hours so the time spent seems about right.

Putting washing on and putting it away doesn't take long tbh and requires less physical effort. I'm assuming you're using a washing machine and not washing by hand?! Then there's little work involved, it takes seconds to put in, and a few minutes once done to hang up. As to doing the food shop, an hour tops? Of course you could have done an online shop or click and collect which would have taken even less time. Or got your DC to help with washing and shopping, unless they're under 5s.

So arguably you've had the better deal...

Personally I'd find it far easier to bung on some washing and do the food shop than the physical effort cleaning a car properly requires this is why I have an old car with tatty paintwork so it doesn't need to be kept tidy

BikeRunSki · 15/08/2017 18:16

Does he drive a Hummer Limo or something?

MeanAger · 15/08/2017 18:20

Who the hell takes the seats out when cleaning the car???

Theweasleytwins · 15/08/2017 18:28

He would get on well with my DH, spends two hours every single week cleaning his car every Saturday, made me help last time and just went over what I had done afterwards😩🙄

Bubblysqueak · 15/08/2017 18:31

After our holiday I took my car to be cleaned. It took 3 people to clean the outside then another 3 to clean the inside 45 min (ideas spotless though) and a shit tip to start if I had done it myself it would probably taken all day and not been to the same high standard.

schokolade · 15/08/2017 18:41

Sounds irritating. Those saying that he can't mind read and the OP should have asked him to 'help'. Why is it that the OP can mind read about all the childcare, unpacking, washing and shopping that needs doing? Maybe she should leave DH to it until he asks her to help.

Neutrogena · 15/08/2017 18:43

Did you speak to him? If not, blame yourself.

schokolade · 15/08/2017 18:46

Why, Neutrogena? Both OP and DH knew the jobs needed doing. Why should she have to speak to him?

MeanAger · 15/08/2017 18:46

Why is it that the OP can mind read about all the childcare, unpacking, washing and shopping that needs doing?

Exactly! Surely he knows he has children, he knows he wore clothes on holiday and he knows he will need to eat and feed his children now they are home again.

ILoveGrammar0 · 15/08/2017 18:47

You could do it in two hours even if you took the seats out!

Original poster
SameShitDifferentDay1 · 15/08/2017 18:48

He knew what jobs needed doing because I said yesterday. He chose to ignore and clean the car which could have been done tomorrow or the day after.

I would love him to help. I don't ask him to because I shouldn't have to.

The car wasn't that dirty because he put a towel down under the car seats and they only have water in the car. Any rubbish they have from sweets etc they always give straight to me so it wasn't an urgent job.

OP posts:
Hotheadwheresthecoldbath · 15/08/2017 18:53

Put nice clean sheets on your bed,throw a duvet in the car for dh and enjoy a big bed all to yourself!A reward for each of you!

Original poster
SameShitDifferentDay1 · 15/08/2017 18:59

Hothead....now that's an idea.

OP posts:
Out2pasture · 15/08/2017 19:04

Although you outlined your priorities, he clearly had his.
I ask my dh "what are your plans for the day/moment etc." and settle the issue of different priorities before it pisses me off. Sometime his approach is very reasonable from his pov.

sharklovers · 15/08/2017 19:35

YABU a proper clean for me including polishing will take approx 16 hours so two full days.

AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 15/08/2017 19:38

I'd be well pissed off. Take it down the drive through hand wash, my local is top notch £20 gold wash, half hour wait with a coffee and job done!

MeanAger · 15/08/2017 19:41

shark OP isn't unreasonable just because you take an obscene amount of time to clean your car. Her issue wasn't whether he was taking too long, it was that he spent all day doing it when there were actual real priorities to be done first. He was shirking.

sharklovers · 15/08/2017 19:54

Take it down the drive through hand wash

If you want your paintwork covered in swirls and totally fucked then go ahead!

Mean I know what you mean but perhaps DH has different priorities from the OP? He is allowed to have things that are more important to him. My point was that spending 6 or so hours cleaning a car after a holiday is not unreasonable in the slightest.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 15/08/2017 19:56

I'm sorry but no car needs cleaning unless it's a) being used for a wedding or some other thing for financial gain or good deed or b) a human or animal has vomitted or pooed inside it. Cleaning it doesn't make it run better, cost less etc etc. It is not an essential part of car ownership. I would be furious if Dh avoided the inevitable washing/shopping/ returning to normal life tasks after a holiday. I'd do slightly more than 50% if he did the driving. I could sort of understand a quick vacuum out if the dc had spent a week chomping crisps in the back, but not hours and hours and not waxing the outside ffs

Neutrogena · 15/08/2017 19:59

OP SAYS I don't ask him to because I shouldn't have to

Thats the problem right there...

Original poster
SameShitDifferentDay1 · 15/08/2017 20:15

Neutrogena.

I don't ask him because it's common sense. Just got back of holiday there are more important things to do, oh we have no food in the house, maybe that's a priority?

OP posts:
schokolade · 15/08/2017 20:16

Yes Neutrogena, the fact that she shouldn't have to ask a grown man to do his share should be obvious...

MeanAger · 15/08/2017 20:17

Mean I know what you mean but perhaps DH has different priorities from the OP? He is allowed to have things that are more important to him.

Ok, so following your logic, OP could decide that having her hair done is more important than looking after her children, washing the entire family's laundry from their holiday and making sure there is food in the house for them after being away all week.

According to you, Op would not be wrong to take six hours away to see to her hair whilst all that needed done and her DH was cleaning the car. Both things are just as important as the other because the person doing gets to decide with no discussion. Meanwhile, children. Unsupervised, no clean clothes and no food. Who is responsible not for that stuff?

BuzzKillington · 15/08/2017 20:19

I honestly don't know anyone, old young or in between, that washes their own car anymore! Seems like a past time from the 1970s when you might see men washing the family car on a Sunday.

£14 at the local car valet place - they do it inside and out to complete perfection all in about 15 minutes.