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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed my DP is talking to a girl

115 replies

tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 07:43

One he used to fancy, possibly even DTD with. Pretty much the one that got away. He's called her perfect stunning etc. All the words he wouldn't use for me Sad

Ok yes I'm BU aren't I? But this is how our relationship started because I cheated with him on my partner. I feel like karma is coming back around.

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 07:43

What do you mean by talking?

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 07:44

Messaging on fb

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2017 07:45

Unless there's more to this that talking, you're overreacting here.

What's actually going on?

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2017 07:46

Cross posted with you.

Has he been secretive about it? How did you find out? What sort of messages and who started it?

TheNaze73 · 15/08/2017 07:46

Here's the news, Karma doesn't exist.

I think YABU policing who he can speak to, most people would tell you that to. He however, IBU for describing her like that to you. He's obviously not that into you & if it bothers you that much, vote with your feet

user1499786242 · 15/08/2017 07:47

See I don't think you're over reacting at all
If my partner ever described another woman as stunning and perfect (apart from a celeb or something)
Then there's no way I would be happy for them to message via fb
And I wouldn't ever dream of messaging an old flame or anything, I wouldn't do that to my partner
I would nip it in the bud asap!

CosmicPineapple · 15/08/2017 07:47

Do you have any reason to be suspicious?

Has he always messaged her or is this new?

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 07:50

He didn't describe her to me, I've seen previous conversations of them on fb. Admittedly from 2013 but he still hasn't used those words on me Blush
They messaged a few times last year but now she's single, it feels like they talk a lot. I know I'm being silly I want to cry because I know it. But I couldn't compare to this girl, she's out of this world beautiful Sad and I had a baby 5 month ago I'm a frumpy mess

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 07:52

Whats alot?

Tbh so far it sounds like you are over reacting.

Why are you going through is messages? All the way back to 2013

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 07:54

I went looking for their conversations on his Facebook page cos one of them screenshotted and sent the picture of it in their conversation about him proposing to her. So yeah I went looking
About 6 or 7 messages yesterday alone. He also won't open the message with me sat close by, he waits for me to leave. Even last night he hadnt opened the chat but cleared it from his home screen

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 15/08/2017 07:56

Girl? How old are you all?

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 07:56

I know I'm over reacting, our relationship has gone downhill since the baby, even more so since they started talking. He hasn't told me he loves me in days, doesn't hug me now.
I feel useless like I'm stuck at home with kids and she's on Latvian experiences so he prefers talking to her Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 07:57

I don't know how old she is I think she's like 18. Me and my partner are 23

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 07:57

One of who?

Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 07:58

At 19 he was chatting up an 14 year old?

C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2017 07:58

Yea indint think he is to be trusted with the behaviour your describe

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:00

I think she might be 19 or even 20 I don't know, I don't know her

OP posts:
stevie69 · 15/08/2017 08:01

She would have been 14 or 15 then in 2013? Somewhat worrying that he was 'talking' with her back then Hmm

Guavaf1sh · 15/08/2017 08:02

If you have relationship difficulties then digging through ancient posts isn't going to help anyone. You know you're over reacting. Just talk to him plainly and honestly

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:03

It's hardly worrying. I was doing worse at that age. That's not what my post is about though

OP posts:
MarmaladeIsMyJam · 15/08/2017 08:04

So he was grooming a 14yo? How disgusting.

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:04

I tried pp but how do you say I think you still love the girl you spoke to years ago without sounding crazy? I did say to him the other night it feels like I'm having to share you. He just laughed

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 08:04

Your oh was possible grooming a minor? Maybe, not really sure?

Doesn't that bother you at all?

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:05

Excuse me how in the hell did you get grooming from my post?

OP posts:
Kyliesized · 15/08/2017 08:06

Sweetie, you are so young and have so much life ahead of you.

I'd be livid if I found those messages. I'd confront him and explain how upsetting you find this situation. If he responds in any other way than apologetic I'd suggest some time apart.
Sure being a single mum is scary, but grab hold of your self respect and tell him to do one. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

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