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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed my DP is talking to a girl

115 replies

tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 07:43

One he used to fancy, possibly even DTD with. Pretty much the one that got away. He's called her perfect stunning etc. All the words he wouldn't use for me Sad

Ok yes I'm BU aren't I? But this is how our relationship started because I cheated with him on my partner. I feel like karma is coming back around.

OP posts:
FlyingElbows · 15/08/2017 08:35

I can't help but lol at accidentally making your other half a rank kiddie chaser, that's got to be a first! Op next time just do a bit of basic planning and write it down, it'll be easier to keep your "facts" straight.

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:37

I didn't make him nothing, I didn't know how old she was and everyone jumped to conclusions ffs

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 15/08/2017 08:37

He can't just take the baby because he would prefer them to live with him. That's not how it works. What is the set up in your house? Are you renting together? Are you both on the lease?

ollieplimsoles · 15/08/2017 08:37

It doesnt matter what he prefers it matters whats best to the baby. You dont sound like you give much of a shit if he takes her to be honest.

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:37

This is his first he doesn't have any others

OP posts:
DeadGood · 15/08/2017 08:38

OP sorry everyone is jumping on you.
You do understand that he can't just "take the baby" though, right?

ollieplimsoles · 15/08/2017 08:38

How many kids do you have?

C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2017 08:39

How many children do you have? It sounds like the housenis in your name and he moved in with you?
How does he treat you other children?
Have you even been single?

PollytheDolly · 15/08/2017 08:39

This doesn't quite make sense. Are you feeling depressed OP?

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/08/2017 08:40

Ollie

That's really unfair. I'm not reading that op doesn't give a shit.

Could everyone please stop piling on the op. She's only 23 ffs.

Nicknacky · 15/08/2017 08:41

mummy She is 23. She is a grown adult.

C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2017 08:41

I really dont hnderstand why so many posters are having difficultly understanding the op. It is like they cannot begin to imagine someone having a life that is different to their own.

Moanyoldcow · 15/08/2017 08:42

You've been together just over a year and you have a 5 month old baby? So you got pregnant within a couple of months of getting together?

OP - you barely know this man. You need to take stock and have a think about whether this is a healthy relationship.

I can't lie - you sound very immature and confused. What is it you actually want?

Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 08:42

How many kids do you have?

He cant take the baby because he would prefer it.

You say he isnt controlling but then saying he is threatening that he will take the baby if you split.

You made him out to be going after an underage girl.

You spent ages on facebook. But never looked at her profile? You assumed ahe was 18 so that makes their contact when she was underage.

Who gives a shit if you were having underage sex. You thought your boyfriend was grooming a 14 year old and that didnt bother you. Despite the fact that it eoild land him on the sex offenders register.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 15/08/2017 08:42

Are you going to be so blasé about underage sex when your daughter is 14? Hmm
Kids having kids!!

ollieplimsoles · 15/08/2017 08:43

For four pages she's appeared distraught that her partner to talking to another girl online, but only casually mentions that he would take the baby if he left because he 'prefers it'

twattymctwatterson · 15/08/2017 08:51

Op, telling you that he'll take the baby if you split up is an abusive thing to say. It's a way of threatening you to keep you in line. He won't be granted residency of your 5 month old so get that out of your head.
You do sound a bit naive and I think that if you think about it there will be a lot of things in your relationship that don't feel right. Maybe if you can put this other woman aside for a moment and think about the way he talks to you and the way you feel about yourself in this relationship?

trulybadlydeeply · 15/08/2017 08:51

OP things must have been bad for a while, if you've got to the point already of discussing custody. Forget the messages, concentrate on what you want. Do you love him? Do you want to be with him? Is he good to you, and your other children?

Good luck

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 15/08/2017 08:52

I've no idea if the OP is entirely correct (who does?) but it really isn't hard to understand.

OH is secretively (but not so secretly that he thought to change his phone or FB password) another woman, who we now know to be 21, and with whom he has history. Possibly sexual history, possibly not.

OW is Latvian & frequently travels to Latvia. "Latvian experiences" is not a thing as such - just OP's way of describing OW's travels. Travels that seem to interest OH so much.

OH may "prefer" to take the baby but that doesn't mean he actually can or will.

How many DCs do you have in total OP?

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/08/2017 08:53

Nickynacky

Op is a young woman, yes. Some people piling it on will be in their 40's or more with a lot more experience. It widely acknowledged the brain isn't fully developed at 18 or for most even at 23. So it is normal for certain young adults to struggle with planning and decision making.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 15/08/2017 08:54

Sorry - the word "messaging" is clearly missing from my first paragraph there!

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 15/08/2017 09:04

There is no trust in your relationship. Relationships only work with trust. Therefore you have no relationship.

Sit down and think clearly.

He is messaging a girl he once openly said he would happily have a relationship with, keeping those messages secret AND he has told you that if you ended the relationship, he would take the baby with him.

I am going to say this as kindly as possible:
You are naive, immature, insecure, being controlled, seemingly depressed (PND is possible as you do have other children plus your five month old) and you come across as 'blase' when you mention that he would separate you from your infant - do you actually feel connected to your baby? Because from your posts you seem a bit 'whatever' about it.

From your posts, you need to end the relationship and TAKE YOUR CHILDREN WITH YOU!

Elephant17 · 15/08/2017 09:06

It's hardly worrying. I was doing worse at that age.

Hmm

Wow.

Posters weren't concerned about her being potentially being promiscuous fgs, they were worried that your partner might have been having sex with a someone under the age of consent, when he was over the age of consent (ie statutory rape).....?!?

What exactly do you been by 'I was doing worse'...??

Elephant17 · 15/08/2017 09:08

(Extra 'being' in there!)

stitchglitched · 15/08/2017 09:11

OP he won't be able to take the baby. Presumably you are the main carer, you also have other children who are the baby's siblings. No court would remove a baby from it's mother and siblings just because that is what he would 'prefer'. Him saying it doesn't make it so.

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