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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed my DP is talking to a girl

115 replies

tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 07:43

One he used to fancy, possibly even DTD with. Pretty much the one that got away. He's called her perfect stunning etc. All the words he wouldn't use for me Sad

Ok yes I'm BU aren't I? But this is how our relationship started because I cheated with him on my partner. I feel like karma is coming back around.

OP posts:
Tensecondrule · 15/08/2017 08:06

If she's 18 he was having a relationship with her when he was 19 and she was 14? Worrying. For what it's worth I don't think you're being unreasonable expecting him not to be messaging other women in secret and it needs to be dealt with. Call him out on it and find out exactly what's going on, if it's innocent he won't mind showing you his phone. You need to have some honest conversation about how neglected you feel (maybe he's feeling neglected since you've had the baby? They do take up a lot of your time and attention) and find a way to move forward without him being distracted by her.

C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2017 08:06

Youre not unreasonable to be annoyed your partner is secretly talking to a woman on facebook.

You should be concerned that you think he DTD with a 14 year old when he was an adult.

Nicknacky · 15/08/2017 08:06

Because she would have been 14/15 and he was about 19 then!

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 15/08/2017 08:06

He was an adult sending a child messages saying they were stunning. Hardly appropriate.

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:07

If they did have sex it would have been when she was over 16. I don't even know how old she is! She could be 23 too for all I know

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 15/08/2017 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:09

Well she's from Latvia so she goes over there all the time

OP posts:
hana32 · 15/08/2017 08:09

You poor thing. Not nice to know messages like that are happening especially when you've quite recently had a baby, you're bound to be feeling less secure about yourself and it doesn't sound like he's doing much to comfort or reassure you of his feelings with the lack of affection etc.

I don't think you're unreasonable for being bothered by it. I would be. Can you talk to him about it? He shouldn't be messaging her like that, it's disrespectful to you and clearly hurtful.

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:10

Well even if I wantd to be a single mum I can't because he would take he baby when he leaves

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 15/08/2017 08:11

He cant jusf take the baby shen he leaves. This sounds like a bad relationship op. Can you ask someone for help?

ShatnersWig · 15/08/2017 08:13

What a lovely bunch you all are.

Isadora2007 · 15/08/2017 08:13

Just talk to him and ask when he is messaging another girl all the time. And how would he feel if you were messaging men?
You're both 23...it's young, but not that young that you can act like teenagers surely? He has a partner and a baby. What are your longer plans? Have you discussed marriage?
Start the discussion with "I feel..." so he doesn't feel attacked. E.g. "I feel really lonely and hurt when you sit messaging and talking to someone else."
Is he unhappy and looking to relive times he was free and young? Do you get any time together? Or do you get time for you when he has the baby?

Pengggwn · 15/08/2017 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 08:14

f they did have sex it would have been when she was over 16. I don't even know how old she is! She could be 23 too for all I know

Op none of this makes sense.

From what i can gather

Someone (no idea who) screen shotted a convo where he askes her to marry him.

She could have been anywhere from 14 to 23 at the time. You have no idea how old she is. But never ask dp.

Did he ask her to marry her recently? When she was 14?

She goes on Latvian experiences depsite being latvian.

He talks to her now and keeps it a secret but there is nothing suspect in their converstation?

And now you think he will take you baby?

OnionKnight · 15/08/2017 08:15

This makes no sense.

Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 08:16

If i had an inkling dh had possibly been grooming a 14 year old when he was 19, i would be finding out this womans age asap.

My dh is over 40 now. But i would not want to be with him if he had done that when he was 19.

ShatnersWig · 15/08/2017 08:16

First post. School holidays. Next please?

lunar1 · 15/08/2017 08:17

How long have you been together?

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:18

No she could be recently 23. Back then I think she was like 15/16.
No not Latvian experiences obviously but she's always swanning off there (rightly so when you've got no kids) but I just felt she was more exciting than me.
He has said he will take the baby yes, not something I've imagined or thought up. Openly said he will

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 08:19

Why does he think he automatically would becime the resident parent?

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:19

Well been together a few months over a year. Girl in question is actually 21

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 15/08/2017 08:19

First post. School holidays. Next please?

Not necessarily, they could have name changed.

Besides, I think teenagers have better things to do.

Nicknacky · 15/08/2017 08:20

How have you managed to find out her age so quickly when 5 minutes ago you thought she was 18?

Original poster
tinkerbelle1 · 15/08/2017 08:20

Checked her facebook

OP posts:
shortcake76 · 15/08/2017 08:21

Do the maths, Tinkerbelle1! If you're 23 and you claim she's 18, then subtract all those years from when they were allegedly in a relationship and you'll get it!

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