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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hit the next person who tells me I have double trouble

192 replies

Handsfull13 · 14/08/2017 14:50

I have twins - I prefer to say two babies. They are lovely and I'm so proud of myself for coping with them.
But why oh why does everything have to be a negative.
I'm sick of hearing 'you've got your hands full' and 'oh look double trouble'
You would never go up to someone with one child and tell them they have trouble. The same as you wouldn't say 'double trouble' to someone with two child of different ages so why is it perfectly acceptable to tell me I have 'double trouble'.
How can I respond to these comments without killing someone?

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 15/08/2017 01:12

It must grate but people really do just say the first cliche that pops into their heads when engaging in small talk. I did a holiday job once that entailed wearing period costume and grinding a barrel organ (obscure, I know). All day men would beamingly exclaim "Where's your monkey?" or if they were real wags "Which one's the monkey?" - after I caved and bought a stuffed toy monkey as a prop. It was just relentless. People don't stop to think whether perhaps 30 people might have had the same idea that day.
I just grinned and bore it. It reminds me of that Father Ted episode with Richard Wilson, who must indeed be driven mad by hilarious people shouting "I don't believe it!" at him as he goes about his private business.

minisoksmakehardwork · 15/08/2017 01:24

Do you not think their twin heritage is as important as any other part Green? Mine know they are different as much as they are the same. They know they are not just brother or sister, they share a bond that their older siblings do not.

FrenchRoast · 15/08/2017 07:04

kaitlinktm How can they not know if they sit together in class though? Oh - do they not look alike? Is that why?
They are boy/girl - there is probably a family resemblance if you looked but it just didn't occur to their teacher. And the reason why it's good that teachers don't realise they are twins, is that in the past teachers they've had who have realised (single entry school) have not dealt with it appropriately and my dcs had to be moved to a bigger school where they could exist as individuals as well as being a twin!

I don't like mine being referred to as "the twins" I don't know why it grates but it does, I never mention this to anyone outside the twin community. Refer to them as kids, teens etc, I don't mind. Their twinness is ever present, we don't make a thing out of it but it is there creating challenges, all the time. They are great mates, very supportive of one another - siblings often are, it's just luck...I know many twins who seem to really dislike one another and that must be hard to take because they are forced to share so many moments in their lives.

martiniwini · 15/08/2017 07:30

The amount of mins of twins that get arsey over this stuff.... is it the lack of sleep? (Double trouble) but seriously. Lighten up. You'd be moaning if people didn't appreciate your medical marvels and said NOTHING.

martiniwini · 15/08/2017 07:31

Mums not mins.... although it rhymes with twins. It could catch on.

ittakes2 · 15/08/2017 07:31

I have twins. YABU, people are just being friendly and making conversation. Besides wait until they are toddlers and running in different directions and you may agree it's double trouble yourself!

Stickytoffeepuddinged · 15/08/2017 07:33

I have two small boys two years apart and I get this sort of comment a lot.

I don't take offence at all, I just take it as a little nod to the fact that it is bloody hard work with two little ones!

My two are wonderful, mischievious and hilarious, especially when together because they bounce off and encourage each other and I think this is all people are getting at.

MrsOverTheRoad · 15/08/2017 07:37

StickyToffee

You ought to say "Oh no, they're fancy little things. They like playing mime artists and fairies"

That'll shut them up.

rightsofwomen · 15/08/2017 08:11

user my point was that I can't tell the girls apart so don't know what name to call them.

FrenchRoast · 15/08/2017 08:23

It's a bit worrying when you go see a doctor and he asks if your boy/girl twins are identical.
Asking if they are identical is one thing but it's the insistence that your boy/girl twins could be identical apart from their genitals, which happens more often than I ever would have believed. Some even told me they knew b/g twins who were identical!

MyWhatICallNameChange · 15/08/2017 08:49

I don't mind people getting them mixed up - I often call them the wrong name. And tell them it's their own fault for looking the same! Grin

It was fun seeing some teachers faces at parents evening when I turned up with both and they'd never realised they were one of a pair!

I also hate them being called "the twins" Use their names like you do with my other children. I don't mind them all collectively being called "the boys" but people always call the others individually by their names and then "the twins" and my two don't like it either. They say they have their own names - even if you get it wrong!

The worst was someone writing To the twins in a birthday card! Shock

Mine are 13 now so I don't get many comments. Although if I'm out with all 5 I do sometimes get asked which ones are the twins. The ones that are the same height and look identical!

GreenTulips · 15/08/2017 10:15

Being a twin is no more important then being left handed or having green eyes - it's a very small part of who they are.

Calling them 'the twins' is rude.

I always correct oh you mean X and Y?

We had identical girls at school who were always referred to as 'Twinny' rather than their names and I don't want mine to have that

They were in the same nursery class and during their party in February a fair number of parents didn't realise the were twins!! Sometimes one would get an invite to play after school and I turn up for the other and they'd be surprised oh I'm getting X Yes and I've come for Y!

Two boys here will only ever go anywhere if they aren't both invited their mum won't allow them to go separately - she's even demanded invites to parties where one hasn't been asked! It's rude!

I see it on here DS has a twin friend should i invite his twin brother?? Nearly everyone says yes - but you would invite a younger but or older sibling because your friends with a child would you?

It's a difficult enough path to negotiate

nina2b · 15/08/2017 10:17

OP:
Oh for goodness' sake, you are being silly. They are just being nice and playful. Hmm

nina2b · 15/08/2017 10:19

Precious, much!? Or is this a stealth boast because you have twins!? Actually, it has got to be more wearying than having one child. You cannot deny that and so, in fact, people are perfectly right.

FrenchRoast · 15/08/2017 10:26

is this a stealth boast because you have twins Shock Grin Grin

user7841794168 · 15/08/2017 10:27

YANBU. It's like the idiots who are critical of boys just because they are boys. Yes, you've got twins, yes it's more work but anybody but an idiot would know that.
Enjoy your twins and ignore the morons.

FrenchRoast · 15/08/2017 10:31

I didn't get annoyed with the negativity of double trouble, it just became a really boring and repetitive.

user7841794168 · 15/08/2017 10:31

@DIpsylala22 He would always comment afterwards, "why didn't she ask my name, mummy?" or "why do they not ask anything about me?". I felt sad for him as he was already very jealous.

That's so sad. Whenever I meet somebody who has a new baby I always talk to the older sibling first and ask how the lovely/clever/brilliant big brother/sister is and give the baby a cursory glance and make a polite comment.

GreenTulips · 15/08/2017 10:33

They are just being nice and playful

No just irritating!

Next time I see a single baby in a push chair I'm going to ask

Is it yours?
Was it natural?
Did you have a section
Wow you husband must have super swimmers!!
Did you not get him on special offer?
'Did know you could get them in singles' LOL

IrritatedUser1960 · 15/08/2017 10:33

Cliches become very tedious after the 6th or 7th time.
You grin through gritted teeth.
I get "walking on air" 500 times a week as a podiatrist, I try to appreciate the sentiment but being an angry menopausal old bat I sometimes struggle Grin.

nottwins · 15/08/2017 10:53

I'm probably about to upset lots of mums of twins here... but I think a lot of this is down to some with twins considering themselves 'special' because of course everyone is interested/fascinated (as PP said, they're really not, it's just something to say) and therefore being rather oversensitive.

I don't have twins. However, I have been out and about with DSD and DS who are almost exactly the same age and don't look dissimilar since they were small and it has been unbelievably rare that anyone has ever commented or asked if they are twins (which is a shame because I enjoyed saying, no, X is three weeks older - confused people no end!).

Original poster
Handsfull13 · 15/08/2017 11:45

Today my boys have been a nightmare all morning and yes that's trouble but it still doesn't mean I want to hear random strangers telling me it.
I wanted to rant yesterday because it got to me a little, but isn't that what forums are for?
I know it happens for single babies as well I've just found that there are so many more questions you get as a twin Mum.
There are so many nice compliments and comments you can make about babies that some of the more irritating ones can be phased out.

OP posts:
Packthatin · 15/08/2017 11:55

I have triplets, and this irritates me too! Some people say lovely things and comment how lucky I am, or say how well I'm managing. Others give a look of horror, I've even had someone say "oh dear what did you do to deserve that!?" Which is very offensive imo, lighthearted or otherwise. YANBU op. Mine are 5 now, but in the early days I actually quite liked standing and having a chat with people who wanted to ask about them, after being cooped up alone with 3 babies all day any conversation was greatly appreciated! Although I'm often asked if they were natural or IVF, which is both odd and rude to me Hmm

Tazerface · 15/08/2017 12:04

Jeez your overthinking is off the scale.

They're twins. People find them fascinating. Yes it can get irritating when people don't seem to accept they are not identical or not the product of IVF, but it's just small talk.

They are twins. You aren't going to give them a complex by referring to them as such or occasionally putting them in the same clothes. You need to chill out now or by the time they are in school you will be full on crazy.

AlpacaLypse · 15/08/2017 12:05

We didn't have a formal twins club in our small town, however there were three other sets who were about the same age, and having met at the surgery, antenatal etc, we kept in touch. It was very helpful to have someone to rant with who really did get it too! One set in particular have stayed great friends - in fact all four have gone off camping together somewhere in Dorset Smile

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