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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hit the next person who tells me I have double trouble

192 replies

Handsfull13 · 14/08/2017 14:50

I have twins - I prefer to say two babies. They are lovely and I'm so proud of myself for coping with them.
But why oh why does everything have to be a negative.
I'm sick of hearing 'you've got your hands full' and 'oh look double trouble'
You would never go up to someone with one child and tell them they have trouble. The same as you wouldn't say 'double trouble' to someone with two child of different ages so why is it perfectly acceptable to tell me I have 'double trouble'.
How can I respond to these comments without killing someone?

OP posts:
OldBagLady · 14/08/2017 16:18

I used to get the "are they identical?" Question regularly, even though mine are boy/girl!

Honestly OP, if your babies aren't identical the attention won't last long. Enjoy it while people are interested. Before you know it you'll look back and miss this.

My babies are 9 now and you'd never know they were twins. They're great friends though, which is a bonus!

FrenchRoast · 14/08/2017 16:31

I love it when people especially teachers - don't know they are twins - they've sat together in several classes, teachers only realise at parents evening! Mine also get on really well - I am very relieved about that!

d270r0 · 14/08/2017 16:44

People do make comme ts when you only have one child. The most common is "You look like you have your hands full with that one." Or " I wish I had that energy"

grasspigeons · 14/08/2017 16:51

If it helps I have two different aged boys and I get lots of 'two boys that must be insert something negative' said in a jovial manner. I think it's said to make conversation and as a solidarity thing.

GoldenPants · 14/08/2017 17:11

You are not BU at all. I hate that saying and I don't even have twins! There is a saying 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all', people should remember that before opening their mouth.

Bungleboggs · 14/08/2017 17:12

I think people love twins and are just fascinated! When I first took mine out they were only 5lbs and 7 weeks old (very prem etc) they were like tiny celebrities. Mine got so used to the smiles and attention whenever I took one out on their own they hated not getting any attention x

sourpatchkid · 14/08/2017 17:12

I only have one and sometimes people call mine "trouble" (he's not, he's a baby and very good natured) so I think people just say these things. If it helps it pisses me off too, I know it's just a saying so I don't challenge people but it is negative

EricaSeas · 14/08/2017 17:17

I find it quite annoying too OP! DTs are nearly 3 and I find the negative comments like "double trouble", "how do you cope?!", etc irritating but I think that would also be the case with singletons- people would just find a different thing to fixate on.

m0therofdragons · 14/08/2017 17:23

Slap on a beaming smile and say "nope, double the cuddles!"

I have 5yo twins and an older dd (so had toddler plus newborn twins). Many times I have been told my life must be a nightmare. People love to comment. Double trouble grates but is a throw away comment so my reply always worked.

Preferring to call them two babies rather than twins is odd to me. Being a twin is part of their identity. I don't call my girls "the twins" but I do have "twins" and to me that's important (maybe because I am also a twin although my sister died when we were young so I'm pretty sensitive about that).

mastfest · 14/08/2017 17:39

Nope, YANBU. I'm pregnant with twins and I receive a barrage of negative comments almost daily. Yes, I'm aware it's going to be difficult, but why does it seem that nobody ever has anything positive to say? I think it's amazing and I'm very excited.

kali110 · 14/08/2017 18:13

Trouble is a negative word
Erm, maybe to you it's negative but lots of people says it in a jokey/ loving way.
Why is it so bad to ask if they're identical?
Unless people actually know you, or the babies are very different looking it can be hard to tell baby siblings apart.

kaitlinktm · 14/08/2017 18:52

I love it when people especially teachers - don't know they are twins - they've sat together in several classes, teachers only realise at parents evening!

How can they not know if they sit together in class though? Oh - do they not look alike? Is that why?

I have not realised that twins were twins - but that was because I only taught one of them and just thought that that one got around the school building a lot. Grin Then I saw them together and the penny dropped - in my defence, they really were VERY alike. Blush

Freshprincess · 14/08/2017 19:00

Mine are 13 and someone said this to me today. It's just chit chat.

Although, Once they get out of pram age and it's not so obvious they are the same age, you get a lot less of the comments.

My own favourite 'are there twins in the family?' Yes, these two.

Also relatives on their fathers side claiming responsibility 'oh his grandad had twin cousins, must have come from there'. Mm, I don't think that's how it works.

Original poster
Handsfull13 · 14/08/2017 19:45

It's not so bad being asked if their identical it's does get irritating after a while as it seems you can have a conversation about twins without it being asked. It's more the follow up of am I sure they're not as the person I'm talking to can't tell the difference, it's usually said in a questioning tone not jokey

OP posts:
QueenOfTheSkies · 14/08/2017 19:57

people just dont look that closely at other people's kids, especially a stranger on the street's kids.

I have one blond, green eyed girl and a brunette, blue eyed boy - still got asked all the time if they were identical.

freshprincess yes my MIL claims responsibility as she has twins somewhere in her distant family.....i've explained so many times that its not how it works!!

SelmaAndJubjub · 14/08/2017 20:03

Thing is, people are on auto-pilot when they make small talk. I'm a doctor and have a surname that's funny when you have Dr in front of it (think Dr Payne etc). Patients all make basically the same comment, "Oh dear, can I have another doctor?". This happens at least 6 times a day and I can't even twat them over the head with my tendon hammer in case they report me to the GMC Grin. But it's the first thing that comes into their heads and it's not meant to be unkind or annoying. I don't see the point of getting stressed - it's my loss if I do.

Pennywhistle · 14/08/2017 20:03

Yep, people asked every single time if they were identical even when they were clearly different sexes.

MatildaTheCat · 14/08/2017 20:04

I knew a woman who had twins and would get really annoyed if they were ever referred to as 'the Twins' or even if the T word was mentioned. Don't be that woman.

In fairness she was tired and stressed and for some reason this particular thing upset her. She got much more reasonable when they grew up. It was quite rude though when she snapped at perfectly pleasant people who just used a perfectly normal phrase.

Smile and nod or say how lucky you are. And you are so why stress?

Pennywhistle · 14/08/2017 20:07

Matilda there are very good reasons for not ever referring to them as "the twins".

They aren't a single entity. It's not considered good parenting from a multiples point of view.

peneleope82 · 14/08/2017 20:08

I have two boys, two years apart in age and I get 'double trouble' and 'hands full' comments aaaaall the time.

So even if you didn't have twins you'd probably still get it Grin

user3785022135267845922 · 14/08/2017 20:12

YABU OP!! I have two DCs of different ages - often get told they r 'double trouble', or one or both 'look like trouble'! Can't see the issue!

Freshprincess · 14/08/2017 20:13

I am that woman. I hate mine being called 'the twins.

rightsofwomen · 14/08/2017 20:16

"there are very good reasons for not ever referring to them as "the twins".

They aren't a single entity. It's not considered good parenting from a multiples point of view."

I agree with this, BUT when children are dressed identically (through their own choice) and I cannot tell them apart I just don't know what to say. "The girls" is one, but I'm still thinking of them both, or "Jane-or-Sue"? nb. not talking about my children.

For a couple of years my DS2 referred to both twins as "Jane-or-Sue" as if they both had the same name. Identical uniform and hair.

user1495390685 · 14/08/2017 20:27

YANBU, OP! Because people say it to a twin parent at least ten times a day (in a city anyway). At least. I really wanted to be left alone, but anyone and everyone felt the need to comment on the twinness. You end up feeling like a freak show.

Here is the thing: the older they get, the less it will happen. And people do mean well, but it's hard to see when you are at your lowest in the first year. Good luck and big hugs. Your DP has a good sense of humour, look after each other and stay strong. Join a twin parent club and exchange the best of them. I could write a book of the inappropriate stuff people said to me in the first couple of years!

user1495390685 · 14/08/2017 20:30

@rights
Best to call them by their names, that's all. As you would with normal siblings.

And yes, dressing them identically will affect the way they develop their identities. So good point, even if they want to dress themselves, I would discourage.

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