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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Busy Cafe/Kids/Elderly

108 replies

RatsInTheWalls · 14/08/2017 11:11

You walk into a busy cafe. You leave your 6yo to choose a table and go and order. You haven't noticed that there's a group of 5 ppl also organising themselves i.e. ordering/some sitting/with luggage/3 of the 5 are elderly.

Tables sit 4 or 2 and fixed. The groupof 5 were expecting to take up a 2 and 4 next to each other when you realise that amongst the busyness (if that's a word!) your child has chosen to sit at the table for 2 that the group wanted to use. 2 of the elderly people have already sat down at the table for 4.

There are lots of other tables available.

Do you

A Ignore the group and let them sit separately or stand

B Ask your child if it's ok to move because some of the group can't sit

C Tell your child that you're moving to another table because there are lots available

AIBU to think that C is the only acceptable and logical response given how many other tables there are?

OP posts:

theymademejoin · 14/08/2017 11:18

C is the only reasonable response, although you might phrase it in a way the allows the child to suggest moving and then, if they don't, tell them you're moving.

Peachyking000 · 14/08/2017 11:23

I would do C. However, many people would be unlikely to look at other groups and anticipate where they may want to sit, so I wouldn't blame you for choosing A. If there are lots of other tables free, then nobody needs to stand. If I had been in this situation and the group of 5 were grumbling or moaning about where the child had sat, then I'd be less inclined to move.

Original poster

RatsInTheWalls · 14/08/2017 11:27

Thanks

I was in the group with the elderly relatives who really didn't want to cause a fuss.

I was really shocked that the woman looked at us, tried to ignore us and then did B. When he refused she was coaxing him and in the end they did move and we thanked them.

OP posts:

NancyJoan · 14/08/2017 11:28

C, obviously.

PinkHeart5911 · 14/08/2017 11:30

As other tables are available, C of course. You tell the child your moving becuase other people need that table, how to children learn manners if nobody shows them

Notreallyarsed · 14/08/2017 11:31

C, there is no other polite option.

JigglyTuff · 14/08/2017 11:31

C of course. You need to teach your child to be considerate to other people's needs (and yes, I do feel that's very important, despite what I said on the sandwich thread)

Thirteendaystogo · 14/08/2017 11:33

I would do c unless there is a good reason for the adult or child having that particular table and using another table would create problems.

Original poster

RatsInTheWalls · 14/08/2017 11:33

Thank God I'm not going mad!

OP posts:

SapphireStrange · 14/08/2017 11:39

C, for fuck's sake who asks rather than tells a 6-year-old something like that?

notevernotnevernotnohow · 14/08/2017 11:39

I might phrase it as "X do you think it's a good idea to move so these people can sit together?" or similar, but I would be very clear that it was happening whether or not X said yes!
So it might look like I was doing B but would actually be doing C.

Original poster

RatsInTheWalls · 14/08/2017 11:41

Yes I agree with doing a B/C combo that is actually C.

She was definitely doing B and i had to bite my tongue in front of my elderly relatives and her child

OP posts:

Hulababy · 14/08/2017 11:44

B/C - but by asking my child, I would also be making sure that we did also move. But the asking would be to give the child the chance to see why we were moving iyswim.

BeyondThePage · 14/08/2017 11:48

D. no one goes to get a table before getting their food. Solves everybody's problem.

(ignore me I'm feeling grumpy )

FreudianSlurp · 14/08/2017 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 14/08/2017 11:51

My eldest ds has ASD and I can imagine that back when he was 6 something like this might have caused a meltdown unless I handled the situation extremely carefully. Wanting to avoid that at all costs and with a group of people on the next table who could be judgemental (as many are) I would probably have done B. If it had been my NT ds then it would have been C.

notevernotnevernotnohow · 14/08/2017 11:52

C, but based purely on logistics because the ages of the adults are irrelevant (and I'm not sure why you mention them

They are not irrelevant, except perhaps to rude people who don't think the elderly should be given priority for seating.

happygirly1 · 14/08/2017 11:52

Sounds like she tried to engage gently with the child in trying to get them to move and then as she didn't move she took decisive action and moved them anyway.

I don't think it sounds like she's done much wrong to be honest, even if she perhaps did spend longer in the 'being gentle' phase than maybe you would have yourself (isn't it great that we're all different!).

MrsOverTheRoad · 14/08/2017 11:53

One I wouldn't leave a 6 year old to choose a table.

Because of the risk of this scenario.

Two...C obviously...IF I'd been stupid enough to allow it to unfold in this fashion.

Shadow666 · 14/08/2017 11:54

What's wrong with B? Explain to the child the situation and encourage the child to make the decision for themselves. That way the child is happy and the other people are happy. Just marching over and telling the child you're moving is shitty parenting.

MrsOverTheRoad · 14/08/2017 11:55

Shadow that's not what OP said though.

OP said

"Ask the child if it's ok to move."

Not the same as what you said.

Allthebestnamesareused · 14/08/2017 11:57

C would be my approach and my kids would have complied without it ever being an issue.

But obviously she knew her child was likely to throw a tantrum more likely to respond positively to B and was trying to prevent a scene.

Good job they moved.

notevernotnevernotnohow · 14/08/2017 11:57

What's wrong with B? Explain to the child the situation and encourage the child to make the decision for themselves. That way the child is happy and the other people are happy

Did you not actually read it? The child chose not to move, so the child may be happy but the elderly people were standing.
Letting that happen would be the shitty parenting.

RainbowJack · 14/08/2017 11:59

Why would they need to sit separately or stand if there was lots available?

I would do C but its first come, first serve. If the mother and son were at the seats before the rest of your party that's not their fault nor are they obligated to move.

Shadow666 · 14/08/2017 12:00

He refused initially, so she coaxed him and they agreed to move. I really don't see the big deal.

The big group should have bagged their tables first though. It would have saved the drama.

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