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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this wanky? Would you come?

565 replies

Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 09:17

Hi all,

DH's and my ten-year wedding anniversary is still a little way off yet, but I'm starting to think about putting on a low-key but "naice" event to celebrate with close friends and family (25 - 30 guests), and need to check that I'm not breaking any of the MN rules in relation to wedding-related party planning :)

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon.

I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far - though not sure what guests would make of this...? Most (but not all) guests live within an hour or two of the venue.

Am undecided on whether to do a formal renewal of vows. On the one hand it would give more of a sense of occasion to the day; on the other, I'm aware they can be seen by some as maybe a bit cheesy and self-congratulatory (am not saying they are at all!). I'm not particularly sold on renewing vows for its own sake though - another idea might be a couple of nice speeches to kick off proceedings instead?

We'd specify absolutely no presents, btw, and welcome / cater to the children in the family.

AIBU to wonder whether MNers would a) come and b) approve if invited by close friends or family to something like this...? Or would people be inwardly cringing into their scones and ruing lack of evening booze-up afterwards...?

Mumsnet feedback very welcome - thank you!!

OP posts:
MuddlingMackem · 14/08/2017 22:17

I like the idea of celebrating the combined milestones as a theme, but I thought YWNBU with your original plan, at least once you'd dropped the idea of the vows renewal. Grin

I haven't read all of the replies, sorry, but as someone who's now reached the age where most family get togethers are for funerals, I'd be happy to be invited to a more cheerful opportunity for a catch up with everyone.

Original poster
Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 22:17

Exactly that red and others - thank you!

Am in two minds now off the back of this thread as to what I'd really like to do for a party, so will go back to the drawing board for the time being.

Thank you everyone for your comment...

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 14/08/2017 22:19

"No need to take the piss out of strangers opinions Hygge the op did ask"

Oh, sometimes there most definitely is need! Grin

User843022 · 14/08/2017 22:24

'Oh, sometimes there most definitely is need! grin'

The op asked is it 'wanky' to book a venue 1 or 2 hrs away for her 10yr wedding anniversary. Some people thought it was. Bertrand you really need to get out a bit more, it's really not that hilarious .
Op enjoy your family do, it's fine to have a get together you don't need anyone's permission.

Hygge · 14/08/2017 22:29

She did ask, didn't she Myrtle but I get the feeling she wishes she hadn't.

Sorry, I'm not taking the piss as such, I just absolutely love some of the reasons why people feel they wouldn't go.

Sorry again. Sorry.

Ohyesiam · 14/08/2017 22:32

I can't decide from reading ( some of) this thread of I am naive, really nice, or maybe just very chilled.
If I got an invite like this I would be happy to go.
I would travel more than 2 hours, if I wanted to do something to make a day of it I would. It wouldn't occur to me that your party was the wrong length.
If you re did your vows I would be interested as I've not been to one before.
I would happily drink prossecco and eat an afternoon tea.
It works not enter my consciousness that you had not been together long enough to have a party.
I imagine people who know and love you will be similar.... But then I have said I might be naive....

Ohyesiam · 14/08/2017 22:36

Just read a but more hygge nailed it

redsquirrel2 · 14/08/2017 22:55

Agree with ohyesiam oh yes I do! And I've thought of another plus - people a distance away can comfortably travel home in the evening without having to stay over. Love your no present stance too btw. You're making it about the occasion and your friends and family, and not being grasping.

Hygge · 14/08/2017 23:37

redsquirrel - that would be one of the pluses for me as well.

No need to stay over, no need to book accommodation, or sleep on someones sofa or floor. A quick visit, some nice food, a chance to catch up, and home at a decent hour.

Ohyesiam - thank you.

I didn't meant to come across as piss-taking, but what I wrote was basically what people were saying, so perhaps if it comes across as taking the piss to lay it out and see all those comments condensed like that, perhaps that's an indicator that these are odd reasons to refuse to come to a small family party.

goose1964 · 15/08/2017 00:48

I would if you were close family or friend, but it's more fun for us to go away. We went to St Lucia for our 10th, next year is our 30th, god knows what we're going to do for that

pringlecat · 15/08/2017 01:04

I would assume a renewal of vows meant at least one of you had had an affair, unless this was a big party now and you'd got married down a registry office in the first place and hadn't invited any guests due to poverty. In which case, sure, I'd see it as the wedding you had never had and see it as a nice thing.

A 10th anniversary celebration? I'd go if I liked you and your friends. I will grin through gritted teeth at a wedding whether I only know the bride and/or groom, but for an anniversary, I want to actually know and like some of the people there. I also wouldn't travel - it would have to be local.

I would go ahead and have the party, OP, but no renewal of vows. Maybe some (short) speeches? I'd also prefer it if the event was more informal given it's not the usual milestone - I'd quite like it if we were asked to bring a dish. Then it really would be a family and friends occasion and it would be clear we weren't supposed to bring presents, just food.

DonkeyOil · 15/08/2017 01:24

We recently drove 4 hours and stayed overnight to go to a 90th birthday party in the country - the food was basically an amazing tea. Imagine that?

Was it, in fact, slap up?

NinonDeLenclos · 15/08/2017 10:37

You decide Wine

Is this wanky? Would you come?
rightwhine · 15/08/2017 10:43

It would depend on how close I was to you and the other guests.
An excuse for catching up with other people that I love great. Having to make polite conversation with people I'm not bothered about - not so great. It's not a big enough of an occasion to put myself through it.

What you have planned does sounds lovely without the renewal of vows.

elfinpre · 15/08/2017 10:47

I think your party sounds lovely, OP.

Renewal of vows though I think is for silver wedding or beyond.

EivissaSenorita · 15/08/2017 10:48

I hope none of my DC marry into the family of some posters on this thread. Confused. Can you imagine he wedding reception

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 15/08/2017 11:11

There's a lot of wankiness on this thread but not the OP's plans (which are lovely) but some of the replies

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 15/08/2017 15:11

There's a lot of wankiness on this thread but not the OP's plans

Agreed.

Mrstiggywink49 · 15/08/2017 17:37

It sll sounds very nice but why bother? 10 years is NOTHING and nobody really keeps count. Just spend it on a weekend away together instead.

Mrstiggywink49 · 15/08/2017 17:38

Why do you need to renew vows?....i never see the point.

Craigie · 15/08/2017 17:42

I wouldn't come to a boozy tea party in the middle of the afternoon for someone else's anniversary. Frankly, other people's anniversaries are of no interest to me, and I'm not sure 10 years is worthy of a big do! Sorry.

Miracle33 · 15/08/2017 17:44

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 15/08/2017 17:50

I would be delighted to be invited and I would go and look forward to it. Would probably prefer a few brief words and a toast to full on vow renewing, but that's just me.

Your party sounds really nice, OP.

PoppyPopcorn · 15/08/2017 17:55

I'd probably go if I got a summons invitation but I would think it was pretty wanky as anniversaries are not a big thing in my family or social circle. Maybe if it were 40 or 50 years, but a party for 10 years is way OTT.

And a renewal of vows is excruciatingly cheesy and awful.

waterrat · 15/08/2017 17:58

I literally cannot believe how miserable people are.

THere are people here saying they wouldn't want to go and have a drink with friends at a lovely venue - because it's not an important enough anniversary?! I LOVE excused to see people I care about and drink prosecco - who the fuck in normal life would begrudge such an invitation

OP do what the fuck you like and anyone miserable enough to not come can just f off.

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