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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this wanky? Would you come?

565 replies

Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 09:17

Hi all,

DH's and my ten-year wedding anniversary is still a little way off yet, but I'm starting to think about putting on a low-key but "naice" event to celebrate with close friends and family (25 - 30 guests), and need to check that I'm not breaking any of the MN rules in relation to wedding-related party planning :)

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon.

I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far - though not sure what guests would make of this...? Most (but not all) guests live within an hour or two of the venue.

Am undecided on whether to do a formal renewal of vows. On the one hand it would give more of a sense of occasion to the day; on the other, I'm aware they can be seen by some as maybe a bit cheesy and self-congratulatory (am not saying they are at all!). I'm not particularly sold on renewing vows for its own sake though - another idea might be a couple of nice speeches to kick off proceedings instead?

We'd specify absolutely no presents, btw, and welcome / cater to the children in the family.

AIBU to wonder whether MNers would a) come and b) approve if invited by close friends or family to something like this...? Or would people be inwardly cringing into their scones and ruing lack of evening booze-up afterwards...?

Mumsnet feedback very welcome - thank you!!

OP posts:
Violetparis · 14/08/2017 15:26

I would go if it was local and it was a close friend as I like a good afternoon tea. I would still think it was an odd/ cringey thing to do for a ten year anniversary though.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 14/08/2017 15:26

Pps I also throw a Christmas party if and when I feel like it. Really just because I haven't got children doesn't mean I can't host parties on a regular basis. It's just that I've never known anyone do one for a tenth anniversary!

Christinayangstwistedsista · 14/08/2017 15:29

I think I would use the money to go away somewhere nice, just the two of us

Its not my thing, but if it is important to you and DH then do it, think an after to on tea is a bit awkward and would prefer a party in the evening

Whatever you decide, I hope you have a lovely time

notevernotnevernotnohow · 14/08/2017 15:29

Birthday parties are far more the norm than10th anniversary parties

Who cares about the norm? People are saying can't have a party for 10 years but a birthday is every single year.

OP can have a party for whatever she likes, whenever she likes. In the real world people enjoy going to parties with their friends and family, and even those that don't don't tend to think badly of those who do.

Roussette · 14/08/2017 15:31

Whatthefuck, that's the same as me. I just throw a party when I feel like it, or have some family here because we haven't see much of each other lately.

I love having people round and sometimes use birthdays or Christmas as an excuse. However, if I did it for an anniversary I think everyone would imagine I'd lost the plot

Phalenopsisgirl · 14/08/2017 15:38

I think this sounds lovely, I'd go. I think maybe just keep it to family that way it becomes a family get together? However if it was my friend I'd go, but I love a do.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 14/08/2017 15:39

I only mentioned the norm as op has posted asking what people think of the idea, and many peopl have said they think it's a bit odd. So I was just pointing out that if the op wants to throw the bash and doesn't want people to think it's quite odd/self indulgent, then she could throw exactly the same bash but for another reason, such as her birthday.
Of course she can go against the norm though if she would prefer, it's entirely up to her and I doubt there will be major repercussions either way.

ligersaremyfavouriteanimal · 14/08/2017 15:46

Sorry OP, cringy idea. Seems a bit self-indulgent, it's only 10 years so I'd think it really odd. But we've been married 11 years and I'm just going by how I'd feel if friends of ours who got married at the same time had a parry.....nope, would still think it weird.

Original poster
Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 15:57

I may be missing a trick on this. I have a milestone birthday several months before and OH several months after.

Would it still be selfish and self-indulgent to have a party with all three milestones rolled up...? Wink And to hold it near where we live too...?

It would work out as both ages plus time married added up to 100, which could work out nicely as a theme. May call for something more than an afternoon tea in that case though...

OP posts:
Stickaforkinimdone · 14/08/2017 16:00

Afternoon tea could only be described as truly slap up if it included hot buttered crumpets. They do crumpets at the Athenaeum on Piccadilly

Just saying

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 14/08/2017 16:04

I would still wonder why you were throwing the anniversary in there to be honest but would just think you were a bit wacky. The birthdays are definitely a good enough reason though!

ferntwist · 14/08/2017 16:05

Sounds like an excellent reason for a party OP (I'm trying to work out your respective ages now!).
You also sound very generous and lovely Flowers

peachgreen · 14/08/2017 16:05

Would it still be selfish and self-indulgent to have a party with all three milestones rolled up...? wink And to hold it near where we live too...?

That sounds better! (Presumably the milestones are 30 / 40 / 50 eg rather than 35 / 45 / 55....!)

I just don't think other people's wedding anniversaries are a big deal. But milestone birthdays are fun to celebrate, and both in one party is a great idea.

liz70 · 14/08/2017 16:14

"Afternoon tea was never thought of as a "snack before a meal". It was thought of as something to eat between lunch and a late dinner."

To my knowledge, traditionally in the north (where all my and DH's family hail from), the main, biggest meal of the day was dinner, served around midday. Tea was the lighter meal of sandwiches etc served around 4 or 5 p.m. i.e. afternoon tea. Then possibly a light supper dish of e.g. scrambled eggs at 8 or 9 if hungry. All this generally referring to a time when a lot of people were doing pretty strenuous labour, housework without labour saving appliances, and walking or cycling everywhere so needing more food. Although that's not so much the case now, I still tend to say breakfast - dinner - tea - supper now.

TeamCersei · 14/08/2017 16:14

It sounds cringey
especially as it's only been 10 years and its as if you miss the attention you had at your wedding and want all that fuss and attention again.
This is your way of getting it.

Why don't you have a nice weekend away, just the two of you.
You can have a big party when it reaches the 25 mark, which is silver I think.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 14/08/2017 16:15

My, there's some right miserable people on this thread

colacolaaddict · 14/08/2017 16:16

Centenary party sounds good! I didn't say it was selfish and self indulgent though, it's just a reason to get together.

Hog roast?

TeamCersei · 14/08/2017 16:16

If you do have it.
Afternoon tea sounds boring and I don't think you would get many people.
Evening, with booze sounds more like it and much more fun.

notevernotnevernotnohow · 14/08/2017 16:17

Lots of people like Afternoon tea, and it includes booze!

notevernotnevernotnohow · 14/08/2017 16:19

To my knowledge, traditionally in the north (where all my and DH's family hail from), the main, biggest meal of the day was dinner, served around midday. Tea was the lighter meal of sandwiches etc served around 4 or 5 p.m. i.e. afternoon tea

The people eating afternoon teas were not the people doing the manual labour! Afternoon tea is tiny sandwiches, dainty cakes, minature scones with clotted cream, and delicate cups of Earl Grey tea. It was for ladies that didn't eat breakfast until 11am and had dinner at 9pm.

maudeismyfavouritepony · 14/08/2017 16:19

I would save the re-visit to the venue for a bigger anniversary maybe?
Is there somewhere that doesn't require so much of a drive?

I would think it's a bit OTT for a 10th anniversary but the joint big birthday is genius!! I love a family get together, actually any get together so would go for sure.

Weebo · 14/08/2017 16:31

I think it sounds lovely and would definitely try and go.

But sadly there are a lot of joyless sods out there.

Weebo · 14/08/2017 16:35

Let's count how many times 'Slap up' has been mentioned on this thread. :o

Loopytiles · 14/08/2017 16:39

I wouldn't attend a boozy afternoon do 1 or 2 hours away. Would be a PITA to organise childcare and transport.

JanetLeCarre · 14/08/2017 16:42

DH 50, you 40 and married for 10? Love it! Do it Grin

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