Is this wanky? Would you come?

[Crossoldwasp]

Hi all,

DH's and my ten-year wedding anniversary is still a little way off yet, but I'm starting to think about putting on a low-key but "naice" event to celebrate with close friends and family (25 - 30 guests), and need to check that I'm not breaking any of the MN rules in relation to wedding-related party planning :)

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon.

I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far - though not sure what guests would make of this...? Most (but not all) guests live within an hour or two of the venue.

Am undecided on whether to do a formal renewal of vows. On the one hand it would give more of a sense of occasion to the day; on the other, I'm aware they can be seen by some as maybe a bit cheesy and self-congratulatory (am not saying they are at all!). I'm not particularly sold on renewing vows for its own sake though - another idea might be a couple of nice speeches to kick off proceedings instead?

We'd specify absolutely no presents, btw, and welcome / cater to the children in the family.

AIBU to wonder whether MNers would a) come and b) approve if invited by close friends or family to something like this...? Or would people be inwardly cringing into their scones and ruing lack of evening booze-up afterwards...?

Mumsnet feedback very welcome - thank you!!

So Brittbug your idea of it is basically exactly what the OP said apart from pastries

Fuck me. I was referring to the fact I would describe an afternoon tea as slap up.

I wasn't disputing what was in it but the description of it being slap up.

Is that clear enough now?

*Wouldn't describe it as slap up

britt you're not making a bit of sense and you sound tres angry. Have a slice of cake and calm down dear

Far from angry. I'm amused by you trying to read something that wasn't there. I'll try explaining again to see if you can understand easier.

I wasn't disputing the contents of an Afternoon tea (is that clear so far?)

I was saying that I wouldn't describe afternoon tea as slap up. E.g. "a slap up afternoon tea"

Does that make it any clearer?

It's traditionally, and ultimately, a snack before a meal

No, it is not! Unless you consider sandwiches and scones and cakes to be a snack before a meal! What size are your meals then?

You are entirely wrong in your perceptions, which is unsuprising since you avoid going to them and so wouldn't know!

Is it clear? No idea - haven't followed the spat. It's very boring either way.

It does feel a bit OTT to have a formal do. Anniversaries are generally just for the couple to share between them, unless it is a mega milestone like silve / gold etc. I'd feel a bit embarrassed with speech and stuff, reliving the venue and all that. Why not just go out for a nice meal,, just the two of you?

"book yourself a nice weekend away - enjoy being a couple"

I agree with this^^

In our family/friends we have celebrations for 25th, 40th and 50th and nothing else.

Sorry OP but most people are not interested in how many years you've been married.

And the tak about 'aboslutely no gifts' would really get me thinking WTF?!

I think a low key party/BBQ at home for a 10th might be fine. But a bigger do (rented hall, catered, etc), and especially a vow renewal, would be more appropriate for a 'major' anniversary (25th, 50th).

Afternoon tea was never thought of as a "snack before a meal". It was thought of as something to eat between lunch and a late dinner.

Spend the money on yourselves and go somewhere really special for a gourmet afternoon tea :)

Really want some vicky sponge now...

Noooooo! It makes no sense AT ALL! Why can't an afternoon tea be "slap up"?! All it means is that there is
a. loads of food and
b. the food is really good to eat.

So therefore, you either dispute that an afternoon tea can offer enough calories to be "slap up" (unlikely, because: cakeorama) or that it can be good enough to be "slap up" (also unlikely, because: cakeorama).

So your position basically makes NO LOGICAL SENSE WHATSOEVER.

I am forced to conclude that you've actually been sent here by the crisp industry on a one-woman mission against cake. I hereby call for all scone-lovers to put aside their petty differences over fruit vs plain and jam first vs cream first and unite in defiance of this common enemy.

Brittbugs Afternoon Tea Menu

Foie gras, wagyu beef and caviar sandwiches
Buddha Jumps Over the Wall Shark fin soup
Fugu
A whole lobster (for each guest)
Truffles
Gold-plated popcorn
Faberge chocolate puddings
Debbie Wingham diamond-encrusted cake
27 bottles of Krug (per person)

I'm not taking sides, but this post by @Bemusedandpuzzled was pretty funny!

No, it is not! Unless you consider sandwiches and scones and cakes to be a snack before a meal! What size are your meals then

It was traditionally the filler before an evening meal, which was usually eaten at night around 8/9pm, to keep you going.

Sounds really lovely, and I'd look forward to catching up with everybody and having a nice afternoon whatever the reason for the party. I agree that renewing vows does imply they've been broken, but I love a good wedding speech.

I can't imagine anyone would sneer or cringe when you've been generous enough to organise a nice event for everyone, and anyone who did would be behaving extremely tackily. Are your friends normally so ungrateful and rude?

So your position basically makes NO LOGICAL SENSE WHATSOEVER

Calm down sweetheart, no need to shout. It makes sense to me. I can choose to apply the description of slap up to what I choose to be slap up. Afternoon type teas I don't consider slap up. You might consider them slap up but that doesn't you right and me wrong.

A fish starter, a steak main and a rich pudding may be a slap up dinner for one but wouldn't be for a vegetarian.

I'd think it a bit over the top for 10 years (I'd not bat an eyelid if it was your silver). I'd happily come to yours for a bbq or party though.

I don't think I mentioned slap up, but either way...

I really don't expect anyone to care about our anniversary - any more than I particularly care about my niece and nephews' birthdays. I still drive hours to stand around, politely smile at various children's noisy antics, and eat garishly coloured sponge cake. Not my idea of a fun afternoon, but you do it because you love your family and know they've put a lot of effort into it and really want you there - plus you get to see the wider family as well. It's just what you do I thought...

Anyhoo, it's a no to the vows or anything more than the most cursory of welcomes, and I'll rethink on venues so it's near the rest of the family and various spare beds for the night. If I did an afternoon tea for 5pm ish, it would roll well into a pub / evening do for those that wanted to make a night of it (could put some money behind the bar there) and kebabs on the way home again for the more hardcore among us :)

I wouldn't be that interested unless it was really close family, sorry. 25 years maybe but I've been to a few 25 year anniversary parties where the marriage ended a few month afterwards so I'm not even that keen on those.

I don't think I mentioned slap up, but either way

You didn't. Another poster did and that's who I responded to.

We went out for dinner with a few friends.
Might have a party if we make it to 25 years but definitely no vow renewal.

Fuck me. I was referring to the fact I would describe an afternoon tea as slap up.

That's rather disingenuous, Britt. What you actually said was

I wouldn't call finger sandwiches, a cake and a scone with prosecco a slap up afternoon tea.Of course in the circles you move it may be considered slap up

That suggests that there are some afternoon teas that you would consider 'slap-up', rather than that afternoon tea intrinsically can never be slap up. if you'd said "I wouldn't call any afternoon tea slap up", it would have been clearer, if that's indeed what you meant.

have called me argumentative and a bitch.

If it was my post you're referring to, I wouldn't dream of calling you a bitch. I don't even know you! I considered your put-down

Of course in the circles you move it may be considered slap up

a tad bitchy!

inwardly cringing into their scones

This. But you know your friends.

I think children's birthday party's are different to a 10th anniversary party. I don't think the two are comparable.

I did cringe when I saw someone's 10th anniversary vow renewal on fb complete with white brides dress and party. It is a big ask for people to travel so far for this type of party.

Britt - Let me stress, I am JOKING. I don't think you are really an emissary of Gary Lineker, sent to convert us all to Walker's crisps.

I honestly have never seen such a to-do about scones in all my born days .