Is this wanky? Would you come?

[Crossoldwasp]

Hi all,

DH's and my ten-year wedding anniversary is still a little way off yet, but I'm starting to think about putting on a low-key but "naice" event to celebrate with close friends and family (25 - 30 guests), and need to check that I'm not breaking any of the MN rules in relation to wedding-related party planning :)

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon.

I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far - though not sure what guests would make of this...? Most (but not all) guests live within an hour or two of the venue.

Am undecided on whether to do a formal renewal of vows. On the one hand it would give more of a sense of occasion to the day; on the other, I'm aware they can be seen by some as maybe a bit cheesy and self-congratulatory (am not saying they are at all!). I'm not particularly sold on renewing vows for its own sake though - another idea might be a couple of nice speeches to kick off proceedings instead?

We'd specify absolutely no presents, btw, and welcome / cater to the children in the family.

AIBU to wonder whether MNers would a) come and b) approve if invited by close friends or family to something like this...? Or would people be inwardly cringing into their scones and ruing lack of evening booze-up afterwards...?

Mumsnet feedback very welcome - thank you!!

It's absolute nonsense that people renew their vows just because someone has cheated within the marriage!

I reckon the posters who are saying 'if you renew you marriage vows, one of you has obviously had an affair' are speaking from personal experience. They have renewed their vows because either they or their husband has cheated. Probably the husband.

It's pretty obvious. Otherwise, how would they know?! Do they have 'friends' who renewed their vows after hubby cheated?! 😂😂😂

I agree with what someone said earlier in the thread, that I wouldn't want miserable old curmudgeons like the naysayers on this thread at my party anyway!

Yeah a 10 year 'do' is unusual, but so what???

Have your party OP, and congrats on hitting 10 years of marriage.

It's not something I would attend tbh especially he vow renewal. I would attend an anniversary if it was 25years on wards.

"It's not something I would attend"

So you wouldn't go to a lovely tea party with your family and friends because you didn't like the reason it was being held?

If we were friends or family members and we got on well, I would of course come but the renewal would put me off. It is only 10 years so most people will remember your wedding as not that long ago. Have a great get together but make it informal.

Brittbugs, no, it definitely was, as is your obsession with shooting down the use of the term 'slap-up

I can assure you, it wasn't argumentative. And there is no obsession on my part over the use of the term slap up.

You are, however, doing a stirling job of creating fictitious situations and trying to bait me into an argument. I replied once for you to insist I was being argumentative and once for you to insist I am obsessed about the use of a word.

To me, you are looking like the argumentative, goady and obsessed one as you highlighting and singling out my posts.

Honestly, I couldn't care either way but are becoming a little weird and over invested in my replies.

Because I don't share your opinion, doesn't mean I'm argumentative.

britt enlighten us?

Enlighten you how?

What's your idea of an afternoon tea?

I wouldn't go, I find the idea of an anniversary party very cringrworthy unless it's 30 years+. A birthday party/summer party or something like that which is in a local hall or venue would be good though.

What's your idea of an afternoon tea

Sandwiches, cake, scones, pastries and tea/coffee and a glass of something fizzy if you pay extra.

It's traditionally, and ultimately, a snack before a meal. I personally avoid afternoon teas and have turned down invites for them because I don't like them. I generally don't like any of the foods offered and would find it more embarrassing to have someone pay for it and me to not be able to eat it.

Brittbugs Afternoon Tea Menu

Foie gras, wagyu beef and caviar sandwiches
Buddha Jumps Over the Wall Shark fin soup
Fugu
A whole lobster (for each guest)
Truffles
Gold-plated popcorn
Faberge chocolate puddings
Debbie Wingham diamond-encrusted cake
27 bottles of Krug (per person)

Frankly, though, I'd rather have a lovely slice of the OP's homemade Victoria sponge.

Friends of mine had a party to mark their 10 year anniversary. It was a brilliant party and we all loved it. Renewal of vows is a bit wanky though and if that had formed part of the celebration, I might not have gone.

sorry ..wanky and I'd be making my excuses

anniversaries are for the couple unless a major one I think

I may not be normal though my parents had their 60th last year and just went out for a meal together ..had loads of flowers etc sent from family , but we made way more fuss about their special birthdays than the anniversary.

'In view of the naysayers OP, bear in mind that there are a lot of people on MN don't socialise/have social anxiety etc. I don't find it to be representative.'

Imo it's the fact that most guests live an hour or 2 away. If rels had a bash within say 30 mins travel I'd be there whatever the occasion, to go an hour or 2 it wouldn't be as easy so possibly more for a significant event. Most people would think similarly, 'social anxiety' or not.

britt well that was what the op said pretty much. in an update.

Ah well, op are you any clearer what you will do?

I think just call it a family party and it will be much better than this 10 year nonsense.

Brittbugs Afternoon Tea Menu

Foie gras, wagyu beef and caviar sandwiches
Buddha Jumps Over the Wall Shark fin soup
Fugu
A whole lobster (for each guest)
Truffles
Gold-plated popcorn
Faberge chocolate puddings
Debbie Wingham diamond-encrusted cake
27 bottles of Krug (per person)

wink

Frankly, though, I'd rather have a lovely slice of the OP's homemade Victoria sponge

What on earth is the point of this post?

This seems a lovely idea for close friends and family. Nobody has to come if they don't want to. I'd leave the speeches though, worst part of a wedding let alone at another event!

britt well that was what the op said pretty much. confused in an update

So why you asking me what I think one is?! Your post makes no sense.

Brittbugs - the point was that you made a big (snobby) deal of saying that "In the circles in which I move" a slap-up afternoon tea is more than what the OP is suggesting. So I imagined the snobbiest afternoon tea I could think of. But it turns out you just didn't read the OP's posts properly, because what you are suggesting she serves is exactly what she said she would serve right from the start, so you have been having a go at her for pages for absolutely no reason.

book yourself a nice weekend away - enjoy being a couple

I wouldn't call finger sandwiches, a cake and a scone with prosecco a slap up afternoon tea.Of course in the circles you move it may be considered slap up but this doesn't make it correct across the board

What's your idea of an afternoon tea

Sandwiches, cake, scones, pastries and tea/coffee and a glass of something fizzy if you pay extra

So Brittbug your idea of it is basically exactly what the OP said apart from pastries

Bemused

bemused exactly!

britt you're not making a bit of sense and you sound tres angry. Have a slice of cake and calm down dear.

Sorry to derail!

I have a houseful of children who are all entertaining themselves so am slightly bored.

Imo it's the fact that most guests live an hour or 2 away. If rels had a bash within say 30 mins travel I'd be there whatever the occasion, to go an hour or 2 it wouldn't be as easy so possibly more for a significant event.

I find this attitude really weird. Many people have family in foreign countries and still manage to travel to them even when there isn't an 'event'. My nearest family live in the same country as me but a longer journey than this away. Many people commute an hour or two each way for work every day, it really isn't a long journey that can only be made in exceptional circumstances. Someone's social life and circle would be very limited with a 30 minute travel limit unless there is a 'significant event'.

Brittbugs - the point was that you made a big (snobby) deal of saying that "In the circles in which I move" a slap-up afternoon tea is more than what the OP is suggesting. So I imagined the snobbiest afternoon tea I could think of. But it turns out you just didn't read the OP's posts properly, because what you are suggesting she serves is exactly what she said she would serve right from the start, so you have been having a go at her for pages for absolutely no reason

There was no snobbery in my post. I used it as a turn of phrase in response to another poster who had said "slap up afternoon tea" I would never describe afternoon tea as slap up, to me dinners with more than once course are what I consider slap up, given they are used to describe feasts etc.

I haven't had a go at the OP for pages. You seriously need to read the full fucking thread. I've replied once to the op to give my opinion (as had everyone else) once to say I wouldn't call afternoon tea a slap up meal, then three or four other posts defending the ones who have called.me argumentative and a bitch.

i would assume one of you had had an affair if you were making such a big deal of ten years/vow renewal.

I don't think i'd go to be honest, i'd feel awkward and even though you were explicit in no gifts, i'd still think deep down you expected them!

A nice meal / weekend with my beloved (husband and maybe kids?) would be a nice way to mark it. carries on to read the thread