Is this wanky? Would you come?

[Crossoldwasp]

Hi all,

DH's and my ten-year wedding anniversary is still a little way off yet, but I'm starting to think about putting on a low-key but "naice" event to celebrate with close friends and family (25 - 30 guests), and need to check that I'm not breaking any of the MN rules in relation to wedding-related party planning :)

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon.

I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far - though not sure what guests would make of this...? Most (but not all) guests live within an hour or two of the venue.

Am undecided on whether to do a formal renewal of vows. On the one hand it would give more of a sense of occasion to the day; on the other, I'm aware they can be seen by some as maybe a bit cheesy and self-congratulatory (am not saying they are at all!). I'm not particularly sold on renewing vows for its own sake though - another idea might be a couple of nice speeches to kick off proceedings instead?

We'd specify absolutely no presents, btw, and welcome / cater to the children in the family.

AIBU to wonder whether MNers would a) come and b) approve if invited by close friends or family to something like this...? Or would people be inwardly cringing into their scones and ruing lack of evening booze-up afterwards...?

Mumsnet feedback very welcome - thank you!!

Vow renewals - yes usually synonymous with one of the parties having cheated - if you decide to do it perhaps make it clear in the speeches this isn't the case!

Afternoon tea party - lovely idea. Still waiting to hear what is after noon tea if it is not finger sandwiches, scones, cakes, tea and possibly fizz because that is what Langhams, the Ritz and Fortnum's serve as tea!

However, I would say with the distances involved people might decline to attend as it wouldn't necessarily be considered a special enough event (to them) to warrant the type of travelling involved.

PS> I'd come but I am a sucker for afternoon teas and family get togethers.

The only anniversary parties I've been to are 50+ years ie for those couples with impressive staying power! The decider for me would be the distance from home. If it was a short journey, I'd be pleased to go. If it was giving up the best part of the weekend, no thanks.

I'm not keen on renewals because they seem a bit pointless and 'look at me'; the fact you're still married is evidence that you're committed.

People celebrate silver and golden weddings all the time (or is this more of a German thing?) so no, don't do this vow renewal nonsense, your vows are still perfectly good.

If I lived in the area, I would come. I love a party, provided it is civilised and people don't get drunk.

Do it. I regret not having a party for our 10th anniversary. We got married abroad with a small number of guests, no reception when we got home either. We thought about having a party for our 10th but life got in the way and we didn't bother.

We now have lots more friends (who are much older than us and unlikely to be alive to see the 25th) and my MIL is terminally ill and unlikely to see our next anniversary so I'm really regretting not doing it.

I'd say tea in a village hall would feel too much like a wake. I prefer the original idea of the tudor hotel.

I do love a good tea. Good tea in a pretty place with friends is win win.

However, by the time you've done decent sandwiches, cakes and scones it will probably come out roughly the same kind of price bracket as a lunch. If cost is an issue.

Well done on reaching 10 years but call me when it's 50, are my thoughts.

I don't much care as long as it is a short travel and there's free cake.

To me, that's the same as the difference between celebrating only birthdays where you have a 0 at the end of your age, or all birthdays - a matter of personal choice.

Sounds nice and you sound lovely . . I would come

Perhaps without the renewal though . Though its up to you entirely.

A party is fine, renewal of vows totally cringe tho. I think people must have had an affair. Why renew them if you haven't broken them?

No to the renewal of vows. To be honest, not sure why you would have a celebration for 10 years. I know a couple who are having one for 25 years, which makes more sense to me.

I think the having to travel part is a bit off-putting. Having to co-ordinate transport/accommodation for attending actual weddings can be a massive pita. I do love an afternoon tea, though!

Fair enough if 10 years is important for you then go for it.

The bit that sounds odd to me is that is is a boozy afternoon thing - what do you do when it's finished? those that live a distance will either not drink or cough up for a hotel. I think that could alter the atmosphere, so I'd move it to an evening.

Afternoon tea

Selection of finger sandwiches, usually cucumber, egg and cress, maybe a roast beef with some horseradish cream, and salmon with cream cheese.
Little dainty cakes including macaroons, mini eclairs, little tarts etc
Scones with Jam and clotted cream
Pot of tea
Crisp white linens
Fizz for those who would like it
Refills of all/any layers of the afternoon tea.

I've been to afew fancy teas in London and country hotels, such as the Savoy, the Ritz and they are all a varitation on that.

britt enlighten us?

I think it sounds a bit self-indulgent. Not something I'd want to attend, tbh.

In view of the naysayers OP, bear in mind that there are a lot of people on MN don't socialise/have social anxiety etc. I don't find it to be representative.

@Oogle, why not just have a party now? Might not be a "number" but what does that matter if it means getting everyone you want together whilst you still can.

Thing is i like my friends (clue's in the name) and if they're throwing a party to celebrate something important to them then i'd be right there with them. I'd be chuffed they invited me.

I think it sounds lovely and if you want to do it you should! If you were part of my friends or family group I would definitely want to come and celebrate with you. We've celebrated 10, 20 and 25 year anniversary with party on the 10th and
vow renewals on 20th & 25th (25th on our own on a beach and 20th in a small church service just our immediate family and very close friends) There has never been any cheating at all or near break ups we just genuinely want to celebrate and I don't think that's 'wanky' at all ;-)

This gets funnier everytime i come back to it. Self-indulgent? Rofl.

Party - whatever floats your boat. I wouldn't.

Vow renewal - only if you want to cheapen your original vows - did you make them hopefully for life, or with a view to needing renewals?

Honestly, I would think it was rather 'look at us, look at us, aren't we clever'. I think WAs are for the couple. Agree with pp that the Village Hall idea makes me think of a wake. I do love Afternoon Tea though😁

I would probably come, but would also think it was a strange thing to do at 10 years.

Only wedding anniversaries celebrated in my family are 25 and 50 years.
Sounds nice though.

Sounds lovely. Wouldn't do the vow thing (although where the idea comes from that vow renewal = past infidelity, I don't know ) - just a very brief speech that it's been ten great years and lovely to have everyone together again etc. Any significant birthdays coming up that you might combine it with?

I'd come if a good friend threw something like this, it sounds like a good excuse for a pleasant get-together. Vow renewals aren't my cup of tea but I'd sit through one in exchange for food and drink to support a friend.

You know your friends best though - do they tend to find these things wanky? Unless they're MN posters themselves it really doesn't matter what people on here say.

If you're nervous about the formality of a venue, could you have it at your place instead? That would be even more casual, and an afternoon can turn into evening with little effort on your part.

Could you just throw a party without mentioning the reason (so no need to say no presents)? Then have a short welcoming speech saying why?

Yes to moving it close to your parents if that's where most family/friends are and your parents are generous enough to host people who want to stay.

As to the PP who said it didn't sound like a slap-up tea - perhaps s/he was thinking of tea as supper?