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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BF always expects...

109 replies

funkymonkey1234 · 13/08/2017 22:46

Whenever I spend the night with my BF he expects something! Even if I'm not really in the mood he insists on "just a handjob" is this normal??

OP posts:
AreWeThereYet000 · 13/08/2017 22:48

No.

If you say no then there's no 'just a handjob'
I mean I've said no to sex and my partner has said how about xxx then? But when I say no that's that there's no insisting.

PicardsCombOver · 13/08/2017 22:48

Expects?? Does he nag you for sex? That's just not on.

wobblywonderwoman · 13/08/2017 22:50

You don't have to do anything you don't want to. How often do you stay over?

wobblywonderwoman · 13/08/2017 22:51

You don't have to do anything you don't want to. How often do you stay over?

Original poster
funkymonkey1234 · 13/08/2017 22:51

3-4 times a week, not nag as such but makes me feel guilty. He says his ex used to do it a lot more

OP posts:
doomf · 13/08/2017 22:54

No no no no no no no no. A million times no.

I had an ex like this. He would be FURIOUS if I didn't perform a sex act on him.

Uhhhhhh christ you need to get away from this man and pronto!

doomf · 13/08/2017 22:55

If you said no and stuck to your guns what would his reaction be?

ImIncognito · 13/08/2017 22:55

Well perhaps he should go back to her then.

Oh... I guess she already saw through his nastiness and got herself a nicer fella, right?

Original poster
funkymonkey1234 · 13/08/2017 22:55

I don't know tbh I've usually just done it in the end

OP posts:
Moanyoldcow · 13/08/2017 22:56

FFS. Just read your last post OP - he's horrid. Do you compare him to your ex to his face?

Want more for yourself than this toad.

wobblywonderwoman · 13/08/2017 22:56

Bringing up the ex and nagging ... Honestly you can do better

Ginkypig · 13/08/2017 22:56

Absolutely not normal!

Fuck him!

Ginkypig · 13/08/2017 22:57

And not literally!

doomf · 13/08/2017 22:57

funky

Get away from this man for your own mental health and wellbeing because he'll eventually destroy it.

MrsJamesAspey · 13/08/2017 23:00

How long have you been seeing him? And if you moved in together would he expect it every night?

I've got 2 friends who's husbands expect sex every day and they do it, and even after childbirth Shock

Original poster
funkymonkey1234 · 13/08/2017 23:01

3 months now and honestly I don't know!

No idea how your friends can do that

OP posts:
doomf · 13/08/2017 23:02

mrsjames

ShockShockShock

BertieBotts · 13/08/2017 23:03

No. Gross. I have also had exes like this. FYI, it didn't end well.

It's a sign of several things.

  • He's seriously entitled and whiny. It won't just be about sex, it will be about anything. He sees it as your place to serve him in this way.
  • He sees sex as the main goal or benefit of the relationship with you. It's not about connecting with you or spending time with you as a person. That might be a nice bonus (or worse, he might see it as the "cost") but really it's all about sex for him.
  • Therefore putting both together it's a clear indicator that he doesn't value you as a person at all.

Really though. Guys who put their dicks first in every situation are BORING FUCKERS. They aren't interested in connecting with you or having an actual relationship, they just want a warm hole for their knob. Set his computer home page to the Fleshlight store, and leave.

frieda909 · 13/08/2017 23:04

Can you expand a bit more on 'insists?'

If he just asks if there's any chance of a handjob then I'd say that's not so bad, but if he's making you feel under pressure in any way then that's not on Angry

Graphista · 13/08/2017 23:05

Dump!

If that's all he has to offer that says very little about him. You sound young/inexperienced. Not normal st all.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2017 23:05

Your op made me feel sick. Run for the hills.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/08/2017 23:06

No one has the right to demand, coax, guilt or coerce anyone into any type of sexual activity. Even a hand job.

Personally his behaviour is a deal-breaker for me. If it's not for you, tell him no and stick to it next time. See what happens.

Original poster
funkymonkey1234 · 13/08/2017 23:06

He'll ask a few times then usually remind me his ex used to give him head most nights

OP posts:
RainbowPastel · 13/08/2017 23:07

Not normal. If his ex was so good why isn't he still with her? He sounds awful.

Ollivander84 · 13/08/2017 23:08

Well he can sod off back to his ex then can't he! No bloody way. If he wants an orgasm he has two hands and no sex once you ditch him