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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a hysterectomy aged 25?

208 replies

Kimberly343 · 13/08/2017 14:57

I have two DCs, I always imagined my life with two children. We live in a 3 bedroomed home with no wish to move and love that the DCs each have their own 'space'. Another DC is definatley off the cards, my second DC was born with a genetic disease that limits their life dramatically so any further children we would either need to pay privatley for PGD IVF or run the risk of another child affected/terminate a pregnancy after testing. All of these would be a great strain on us all.

I spoke to my GP about a hysterectomy as I don't get on well with hormonal contraception, had a coil fall out and have horrendous periods. The GP practically laughed it off and said I am far too young to be considered and I am likely to change my mind. I definatley will not, regardless of my circumstances I 100% don't want any more children, shall I see another GP or am I silly to do this?

OP posts:
MargaretTwatyer · 14/08/2017 07:34

Apologies if you have already answered this but why won't your DH have a vasectomy?

Does it really matter? Does he have to justify it?

I really hate this on MN, when women want sterilisation it's all 'ooh, you might regret it, you might want more children'. But men are expected to get the snip on demand of their OHs regardless of their own wishes.

Honestly, I worked at a fertility clinic and the amount of men who had the snip and then were promptly dumped by partners who then went on to have children with other people was big. And of course they were left paying through the nose for fertility treatment to start new families. If he's not actively seeking one himself then it's irrelevant. His body, his choice, as MNers love to say.

Mxyzptlk · 14/08/2017 07:47

I don't get why someone is supposed to be "too young" to decide on sterilisation but not "too young" to decide to bring another human being into the world or have to decide what to do about an unwished-for pregnancy.

Insist on being referred to a gynaecologist. Best of luck.

PencilsInSpace · 14/08/2017 07:56

WinterIsComing - Regret rates are high in Brazil because they doled out sterilisation willy nilly. They're lower here because the NHS puts up huge hurdles. But if an NHS gynaecologist says "the regret rates are 0.5%" (or whatever) and a somewhat immature patient whose partner of six months doesn't like condoms says "that's a tiny percentage, I definitely want to go for it" then the point is that the reason the odds are so low here is precisely because she wouldn't be allowed sterilisation.

But are regret rates lower here? I'm sure they are, but there don't appear to be any stats at all! Given that women are told repeatedly that 'many women regret it', and are turned away again and again and again because of this, I think that's a problem.

Why are we talking about 'somewhat immature patients'? I have lost count of the number of women on here, mid thirties onwards, who have known for years that their family is complete, who have been asking year after year for a sterilisation and are fobbed off every time with 'you might change your mind, dear'.

OP is young but she doesn't seem immature to me. She sounds like she has thought this through properly and has very good reasons for knowing her family is complete.

PollyPerky · 14/08/2017 08:04

I don't get why someone is supposed to be "too young" to decide on sterilisation but not "too young" to decide to bring another human being into the world or have to decide what to do about an unwished-for pregnancy.

The responsibility to become pregnant lies with 2 people only usually. The responsibility of ending fertile life involves a professional who must judge the situation- emotional and physical health - as they are carrying out the operation. Even with a woman's consent, they still have a responsibility.

We don't have a law about age of pregnancy. We do though have consultants who have to adhere to professional standards and work within the Hippocratic oath. For many, sterilisation etc on a young women could amount to 'doing harm', given that it's irreversible and there can be regret. You are asking someone to physically change your body permanently, and they have a duty of care.

Maria1982 · 14/08/2017 08:05

In your shoes I would push for a gynae referral on the grounds that your periods are significantly impacting your life. They cannot argue against that fact.

Once you see the gynae youncan discuss both issues if you wish.

I realise it is patronising to be too told you're too young and may change your mind... but maybe just take it as a given and work with the system...

Gwilt160981 · 14/08/2017 08:18

They only give hysterectomies when its vital. Illness or causing problems. My mom had one as they found problems with her insides. They found something on her ovaries, before she even had me and struggled on with the pain till I was 17.

PatricianOfAnkhMorpork · 14/08/2017 10:04

Definitely push for a gynae referral OP.

I've been asking for sterilisation since I was about 23 and have been fobbed off every time, in recent years with pushing the mirena at me. I'm now 45 and no closer to a referral to even discuss it. Mind you I can't seem to get a referral about my periods either, no matter how often I wave the private healthcare card at my GP so they can't use the NHS being on its knees excuse.

Its downright patronising.

JacquesHammer · 14/08/2017 10:26

I am totally fucking sick of issues to do with women's health being brushed off with "what if" scenarios.

I have issues with hideously heavy periods. I can't get an ablation because I haven't been sterilised. I can't get sterilised because I am single and "I might meet a new partner and change my mind" (yep that's a direct quote from my GP).

I am infertile anyway.

I also have fibroids and don't meet the criteria for treatment because in my area they only treat if they're affecting your fertility.

I am so fucking sick of being stuck in such a shit situation with no end until my 50s in sight.

I really hope you find a solution for you OP because its miserable. You have my utmost sympathy Flowers

Orangebird69 · 14/08/2017 10:27

That sounds totally shit Jacques. No advice. Just Flowers and Wine

spidey66 · 14/08/2017 10:40

Jacques
I had my op for a fibroid. It ''possibly'' added to our fertility issues (he's got some difficulties in this area.) However, it wasn't the reason they operated-my fibroid was sooo huge (think 7 month pregnancy size) it was putting pressure on my other organs. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's fibroid(s) were causing medical problems aside from fertility.

worridmum · 14/08/2017 10:55

Laws would have too change as there a growing number of women who were sterilised and now suing doctors who performed it particularly early.

And the oath to do no harm comes in sterlistion is not a minor surgery but a hystricmay is major surgery and if performed unnecessary the doctors practice licence could be taken and not many doctors will consider it, would you risk your livelihood for a stranger?

Batfurger · 14/08/2017 15:23

worridmum what a load of bollocks. Laws don't need to change, the attitude to womens health needs to change.

You don't seem to know much about medical ethics to be honest. A patient isn't a complete stranger but someone who a dr has a duty of care to. If men had fibroids, this treatment would be a real option. They don't. It's not. And it's not fair.

What law would you like changing btw..?

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 14/08/2017 16:37

I can see why you are meeting such resistance OP, it's major surgery. Also, so many people DO change their minds about having a baby later.

With all the strain on the NHS, it's not on to get surgery that is not essential.

Batfurger · 14/08/2017 16:42

So OP isn't allowed to self determine? Shameful and how fucking patronising down

notevernotnevernotnohow · 14/08/2017 16:49

So OP isn't allowed to self determine? Shameful and how fucking patronising

Of course not. You can't "self determine" to make a surgeon do an operation they don't want to do and don't think is the right thing, and you can self determine that you get an operation on the NHS that costs many thousands of pounds.

It's neither shameful nor patronising.

Floralnomad · 14/08/2017 17:08

batfurger , don't be so ridiculous , the NHS is not in a position to do unnecessary operations on everybody who decides that is what they would like to make their life better . Fgs the hospitals would be full of people having new breasts / breast reductions / liposuction and IVF treatment . That's why there is a private sector , which the OP is welcome to try although she still may have trouble finding a willing surgeon .

ImDoingLaundry · 14/08/2017 17:17

I don't think you quite understand the impact of a hysterectomy. It is major surgery, which has lifelong implications on your health and wellbeing.

You'd be hard pressed to find a doctor willing to go down this route because you don't want any more children and you have horrible periods.

It's not like having your appendix out, the recovery time is horrendous. You'll have menopausal symptoms, much more likely to develop osteoporosis (don't underestimate how awful this disease is), anal/vaginal prolapse (the uterus is a support structure and holds everything up).

Have a look on this page:
womhealth.org.au/conditions-and-treatments/hysterectomy-fact-sheet

There's other options for controlling your heavy periods/fertility.

PatricianOfAnkhMorpork · 14/08/2017 17:22

Christ what a load of bollocks as I've been asking for sterilisation for over 20 years and can't even get past my GP. Let alone trying to investigate any gynae issues that I've also got and that's with private healthcare as the fuckers won't refer me.

I'm fucked off with GPs patting us on the head with this type of thing. Hysterectomy may well not be the right procedure for the OP but we've all come up with several others that might help her but none of which can happen unless she talks to a specialist. Which will only happen if her GP refers her instead of being so patronising.

PencilsInSpace · 14/08/2017 17:39

This thread is getting quite confusing now because lots of posters are talking about hysterectomy but the OP has moved on and is now considering sterilisation.

Laws would have too change as there a growing number of women who were sterilised and now suing doctors who performed it particularly early.

Really, worridmum? Where did you hear about this?

PencilsInSpace · 14/08/2017 17:41

Lots of people have IVF on the NHS Floralnomad.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 14/08/2017 17:51

The most sensible contraceptive solution is your husband having a vasectomy, but you've consistently ignored that suggestion throughout the thread. Why is your husband happy watching you shouldering the burden of contraception and "terrified" of condom failure?

ImDoingLaundry · 14/08/2017 17:55

She was still preferring hysterectomy over sterilisation if you read further up Pencils, because of her periods.

There are still other options for both avoiding pregnancy and treating the heavy periods though. Much more preferable from a medical perspective to the above.

RE preventing pregnancy... I know pp have suggested OPs husband get a vasectomy but I don't know if I've missed a post where OP has considered that as an option?

Floralnomad · 14/08/2017 17:58

I know ivf is available on the NHS but you can't just wander in and have as much as you like , that was my point , we can't all have what we want at the tax payers expense just because we would like it .

PencilsInSpace · 14/08/2017 18:03

No Laundry she was going to explore sterilisation and possibly ablation. If she was going for ablation she would need to be sterilised as well, if I've understood correctly, because it makes possible pregnancy risky.

Why are people suggesting vasectomy? What if her partner has terrible regret and the poor doctors have to look at his devastated face? Sad

PencilsInSpace · 14/08/2017 18:06

you can't just wander in and have as much as you like Grin

I'm assuming OP just wants the one sterilisation, which would cost less than a single round of IVF. As a taxpayer I don't think it's an unreasonable request.