to have a hysterectomy aged 25?

[Kimberly343]

I have two DCs, I always imagined my life with two children. We live in a 3 bedroomed home with no wish to move and love that the DCs each have their own 'space'. Another DC is definatley off the cards, my second DC was born with a genetic disease that limits their life dramatically so any further children we would either need to pay privatley for PGD IVF or run the risk of another child affected/terminate a pregnancy after testing. All of these would be a great strain on us all.

I spoke to my GP about a hysterectomy as I don't get on well with hormonal contraception, had a coil fall out and have horrendous periods. The GP practically laughed it off and said I am far too young to be considered and I am likely to change my mind. I definatley will not, regardless of my circumstances I 100% don't want any more children, shall I see another GP or am I silly to do this?

I've had a years battle to get an endometrial ablation. I gave in and took the mini pill but I bled daily for over 6 months.

A hysterectomy was only brought up at the appointment where they agreed to the ablation.

So far the ablation has worked in the way of the bleeding and I feel I have a better quality of life. It may be worth asking for that instead. Recovery is quicker but I felt there was a huge pressure to push hormones instead. Even prior to my surgery, the surgeon was still going on about it if the ablation needed to be aborted.

There's an interesting long running MN thread about TTC after vasectomy. Some of the women were going through hell but of course they weren't the original patient, and their DPs weren't on the thread.

Funnily enough in that doc I linked, the only mention I could find of regret wrt vasectomy was a reference about women's regret when their partner has had one.

Winter I can see that scenario must be awful, and it must be hard meeting someone, wanting a child and they can't. But given I would have to be pregnant/probably be the main carer, I'd say thats a little different as I don't want to do that again.

Thank you all for the kind advice and sharing your experience. I will call the doctors first thing and try and get a refferal to a gnaecologist as I feel I've tried all the GPs suggestions now and need another opinion, and will try and further explore my options in terms of sterilisation.

Oh yes it's different for a whole host of reasons - so a bit derailey but some people had talked about contrasts with vasectomy.

Just to say that I find all this "you're so young, you don't know" crap so patronising - who cares how old OP is, she has had her children and is making a decision to stop there.

It is part of being an adult to live by the consequences of your decisions and so if she did wake up broody in 10 years then sorry but you then deal with the result of your earlier choices.

I am looking at sterilisation for one of us as we have 3 kids and are done - I am early 30's and anyone who gives me the "ooh you might split up and want more with someone else" shit can fuck right off!!

My body, my choice!

I've done a bit of googling and the 80% stats he told me don't seem quite right but it definately seems that the younger you are the more likely you are to regret being sterilised.
I'll ask him again when I see him next. I'm interested to know where he got those figures from.

I think speaking to a gynae is the best way to go OP. I know it may seem like you feel like you cannot be trusted to make decisions about your own body, but just try and remember they have seen every side of the picture and a significant percentage of women do regret it. You may have to face a bit of a battle to convince them this is right for you, but if you are insistent and persevere then it may be given.

Just to say that I find all this "you're so young, you don't know" crap so patronising - who cares how old OP is, she has had her children and is making a decision to stop there

To say that age is irrelevant is silly.
We have laws around age for all kinds of things- driving, drinking, getting married.

There are no laws around being sterilised but drs use their judgement and quite rightly.

OP You are still not engaging with the idea that you could, tragically, lose your family. Not likely but possibly. You cannot be sure you would never want a child with anyone else under any circumstances. These are the tough questions you will be asked by drs so you'd better give them serious thought and stop sidestepping them.

No, come on Pacific, men are not made to consider how the doctor might feel having to look at their sad face when they are older and suffering from terrible emotional pain and regret (OK, I know vasectomies have a much higher successful reversal rate but presumably he'd have to pay for that and it's still not 100%)

They are asked the same uncomfortable questions (well, I know I ask them and I don't actually perform the procedure).
And I also have the more difficult conversations about how I can only refer them privately for reversal. AND that reversal can be futile even if the plumbing can be put back together again (semen antibodies).

So, while I share your frustration that contraception is seen to an absolutely disgraceful degree the woman's 'job', I don't think that the solution is to not offer information and counsel caution before anybody does anything that is not without longterm risk.

I am (personally) actually quite a risk-taker (in sports/activities), but only in tightly controlled and predictable situations. And medicine/surgery are not entirely controllable or predictable disciplines.

Statistics are so interesting, as is many people's perception of risk/chance.
At the end of the day what everybody wants to know is 'Will this adverse outcome happen to me?" and nobody can answer that honestly, whether the risk is 1:1.000.000 or 1:10.

Absolutely, your body, your choice, but a choice is only a meaningful 'choice' when you have considered all aspects and consequences of said choice.
And clearly many people here have researched things quite thoroughly, but IME in RL many have not.

As the woman said to me who went to see a plastic surgeon privately for a consultation about breast augmentation: "OMG, it's an operation, and not just a procedure!"
Thankfully, she had seen a reputable surgeon who went through the whole thing with her, showed her before and after photographs, gave her a realistic idea of what to expect afterwards and sent her away to consider things. He was not trying to 'fob her off' or 'talk her out of it', he was practicing good medicine inspire of the fact that more boobies meant more cash for him.
It's called good practice.
She was not happy having been told about possible pain, bleeding, infection, problems with implants, committing to a lifetime of potentially needing implants to be changes, shape being a little unpredictable, risk of nipple necrosis etc etc - all nightmare scenarios were brought up.
She went ahead and had a good result with only a minor hiccup with injection, easily treated with antibiotics.

A couple of years later she told me how much she now appreciated the time he had taken.

Just sayin'.

Your body, your choice; my body, my choice.
But know what you are asking for and accept the uncertainties and risks.

Being pithy and to the point is not one of my strengths....
Apologies for the essay.

Patient safety and informed consent are areas of interest to me.
Obviously

Rollonbedtime7pm

I don't think anyone is patronising the OP, certainly not me, I've had that surgery and it's not just a matter of the operation in itself.

It is about thinking beyond the shit periods and asking 'what if I change my mind' ' I wish I'd hung in and looked at less drastic measures'.

Polly I answered that question, I have thought in depth about all possible consequences, its not that I don't want more DC with my DH, I don't want any more at all. I explained in my last post.

If I were to meet someone who wanted children then that would be a shame but wouldn't change my mind, and I will not want to restart a family.

If I were to lose my family, that wouldn't suddenly make me want to reconsider and start again . My DC are all I want, regardless of whatever possible consequence put before me. Yes there is a vague possibility at some point in the future I will want more (unlikely) but I will look at my DC and realise I made the right decision as I can give them my all.

Well, if you put it like that to a gynaecologist while they may wish to ask you to come back after a period of time to satisfy themselves that you are as serious as you say you are, you are making a strong case for yourself.
They will go through all the possible adverse outcomes with you though, don't take it personal, they are doing their job.

Well of course proper informed consent is key and for anything irreversible people should have the opportunity to consider all the ins and outs. Of course doctors should be able to satisfy themselves that their patients are fully informed of all risks and consequences and should not be expected to do anything they think will not be in their patient's best interests.

One thing I did gather from that doc I linked was that the best way to reduce the risk of regret was to provide proper counselling before the procedure.

The trouble is, it seems very unclear what information doctors are using when they decide a sterilisation is not in a woman's best interests. Their decisions don't appear to be based on any solid evidence at all.

At the end of the day what everybody wants to know is 'Will this adverse outcome happen to me?" and nobody can answer that honestly, whether the risk is 1:1.000.000 or 1:10.

No I disagree strongly with this. If I'm having anything done I want to know the risks in absolute terms as far as they are known. I also want to know if that question cannot be honestly answered because there are no reliable statistics.

I accept, as I'm sure most reasonably intelligent people do, that nobody can say whether a particular adverse outcome will happen to me which is why we ask 'what are the chances?' That's what we want to know.

We have no trouble giving women a % for the success rates of different forms of contraception. Why is this different?

Why don't we have reliable stats on rates of regret? What are doctors basing their 'best interests' decisions on, in the absence of those stats? Why is their decision almost invariably that it is not in the best interests of a woman to give her a sterilisation, even when she has been asking for one for years?

Why is their decision almost invariably that it is not in the best interests of a woman to give her a sterilisation, even when she has been asking for one for years?

That is not my (professional) experience, although I of course know that these things vary wildly.

I did not mean to imply that risks should not be quantified, of course they should (and yes, funny that 'regret' stats are not that simple to find).
But IME too many people do not understand the difference between relative and absolute risk.
And many people want to just be told that 'it will be fine' when it may not be.

Look at chances: People are very unlikely to bet on a horse with a 20:1 chance of winning because it is seen as unlikely, but are terrified (understandably) of a 20:1 risk to a pregnancy.
Clumsy example, it's late, but you get my drift?

I do think it's particularly difficult to allocate regret rates because they're inextricably linked to the hurdles put up. Regret rates are high in Brazil because they doled out sterilisation willy nilly. They're lower here because the NHS puts up huge hurdles. But if an NHS gynaecologist says "the regret rates are 0.5%" (or whatever) and a somewhat immature patient whose partner of six months doesn't like condoms says "that's a tiny percentage, I definitely want to go for it" then the point is that the reason the odds are so low here is precisely because she wouldn't be allowed sterilisation. It's all a bit circular.

Apologies if you have already answered this but why won't your DH have a vasectomy? Much more straightforward than female sterilisation. I do agree you need to see a gynaecologist about your periods.

Can you not take the mini pill? I'm on Cerazette as I had horrendous periods and now I don't get a period at all which is life changing in my case. I can stay on it until the menopause.

My DH has also had a vasectomy as we don't want any more children so we are double Dutch now

I agree with lots that has been said already.

I had similar problems for bleeding, my issue turned out to be cervical erosion which doesn't sound like the same as your issues.

However, I ended up getting a private gynaecologist consultation, but the treatment I had was NHS (it helps I work for the NHS and knew my consultant).

My main point is to pay for a private consultation, skip the middle man (gp) and self refer yourself.

Having a hysterectomy at 25 is a DREADFUL idea, for all the reasons listed.

I would hope no doctor ever WOULD do it!

Not at that age!

I know a senior OB/GYN in London who said that the majority of patients who have come in asking for sterilisation at young ages and been rejected by her hospital, come back years later either pregnant or struggling with infertility and wanting IVF!

You may be in the minority who is 100% sure you don't want children but from the medical team's standpoint I can fully understand why they are reluctant to do it, based on their experiences.

Funny thing is you say you don't get on with hormonal contraception but you're quite happy to have to take Hormone replacement therapy for the rest of your life. What if you don't get on with this? Lots of women don't!

My friend wanted her tubed tied in her mid 20s having had 2 children and being adamant that was it. Dr refused. In mid 30s second marriage and another much wanted child. She was happy doc hadn't been obliging

I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago at 49 for medical reasons. It's major surgery, you really have to be 101% certain it's the right thing for you. I wouldn't recommend it at your age unless there were genuine medical reasons and it was the only option (eg advanced cervical cancer.)