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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want a baby at age 42?

127 replies

justcurious40 · 12/08/2017 11:55

I just had a miscarriage at 9 weeks along. I am 41 right now, but if we TT another, I will be 42 when he/she is born.

I am starting to doubt myself now. Is it crazy to try at my age? Apart from the odds of it going wrong, I would be 60 when my baby is 18. Is that too old??

I should add that, thankfully, I already have children. So perhaps I should quit while I'm ahead? On the other hand, my youngest was born when I was 38, so I will be 56 when she is 18. What difference does 4 years make??

OP posts:
JigglyTuff · 12/08/2017 19:04

Absolutely - I was 42 when I had DS and I was (and am) a single parent. I've never really understood this 'oh I'm so tired' shit. Career people aren't even generally at their peak at 42. It's all a bit wet frankly

WidoWanky · 12/08/2017 19:09

Nothing wrong with wanting a baby. I desperately wanted one at 40. The reality is that I am now 45. In the last few months I have felt older and just do not have the energy levels I had last year. I couldn't cope with a small child now. It's bad enough dealing with teens..goodness knows how that would go down in my 50's!!!

Children are a 20 year project. I would rather be younger when I started.

WidoWanky · 12/08/2017 19:13

The ideal person to ask is probably a grandparent who minds for their grandchildren. Was it easier when you were younger or older?

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 12/08/2017 19:23

I had our son a month before my 41st birthday, my husband was 47 ( I think ) when he was born. We have a teenager.

I think you need to mentally strong to have an older baby as the risks will be outlined at every appointment - I was fat as well which didn't help.

I found the baby bit easy, easier than I did in my mid twenties. Now he is hitting the toddler stage we are finding it more tiring than we did first time. However I am recovering from a serious illness and have some health issues - but I guess the older you are the more chance you have of being ill - something to consider.

We would like one more child and so I definitely don't think that being in my forties is too old to have children .

paperandpaint · 12/08/2017 19:38

So sorry about the miscarriage. I had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks and surgery afterwards and it felt like the end of the world. I was 42.

I got pregnant 4 weeks later (I actually wouldn't advise this as my head was all over the place still). My beautiful little baby boy was born in April when I was 43. I have a 16 and 9 year old too and my DS has been the easiest of all. I was more tired when pregnant and struggled post c-section but I can honestly say I'm no more tired this time than the last twice. Go for it!!

ChristmasFluff · 12/08/2017 19:38

My sister had two children in her 40s, the last at 45. She had no problems getting pregnant, but had several miscarriages before each child. My dad actually told her 'that's enough now, just pack it in' after yet another miscarriage before she conceived her second child.

Her first child was breech and premature. Second no problems at all. She has had no trouble keeping up with two very boisterous children, and is very active on the school PTA etc. Children in your 40s depends on the person.

My 62 year old sister would be horrified at the thought of being frail, I had my child at 36, which is the same age my mother had me. We buried her a couple of weeks ago (I'm now 52). If you want to do it, do it.

TheWeatherGirl1 · 12/08/2017 19:40

I've just turned 43 and had my first (and only ) , he's five weeks old.
Of course I would rather it had happened ten years ago but it didn't so here we are. And now I'm looking forward to seeing how the rest of our lives together pan out.

I miscarried last year.

Montsti · 12/08/2017 19:44

I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant with no.4 - I'm 41...I had my 1st at 33...

PacificDogwod · 12/08/2017 19:45

To repeat what others have said, only you can decide whether the pros outweigh the cons.

There is no arguing with biology.

Fwiw, I had DS3 at 42 and DS4 at 44. I am now 51 and while I will have to work until I am 128 (or so it seems.... Hmm) I have no regrets.

surferjet · 12/08/2017 19:47

Not too old at all.
Best of luck!

Oncewaswho · 12/08/2017 19:59

My friend had her third at 47, conceived naturally, pregnancy and birth all straightfoward, baby is gorgeous.

squoosh · 12/08/2017 20:03

Congrats on your new arrival WeatherGirl.

myusernameisnotmyusername · 12/08/2017 20:03

My parents were 40 and 42 when they had me in the 80's. Only thing I don't like about it is they're older now I have dd. I'd love for them to be around longer but as far as parenting goes they have always been brilliant parents and were probably more patient for being older.

TriskelArts · 12/08/2017 21:33

Unremarkable in my world, too, OP. A friend has just given birth to her third child at 43, and another is eight months pregnant at 46.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/08/2017 21:50

def not too old

im a first time mum im just 44, dd is 4.5mths

was ivf, 5th attempt after 10yrs ttc and hit the jackpot :)

was 42 when did the ivf, but cycle failed tho some frozen

dd was a fet, i was almost 43 when had fet, and 43 when gave birth tho recently had a birthday making me 44

yes i will be almost 50 as she starts primary school, yes i could die when she is young

or i could live to 80 ish and she will be 36 and maybe family of her 0wn

MandyMarsupial · 12/08/2017 22:00

Of course yanbu to want it be whether it happens or is a good idea for your family is something only you can know Smile

I had dd2 at 38 and I think wow I'll be 50 when she's 12, 56 when she's 18 etc. I wish I had have been ready to have her earlier and there weren't any mc (5 year gap between dd1 and dd2).

If you're OK with how old you'll be, and mother nature is OK with it then good luck Smile

Moonflower12 · 12/08/2017 22:03

I had my 4th at 44. A Big surprise as her next nearest sibling was 16 and her eldest sibling was 22!

ColdCottage · 12/08/2017 22:12

Not at all. Lots of people have first, second or third babies in their early to mid 40's. Go for it. Good luck

goose1964 · 12/08/2017 22:16

My BFF had her first at 42 and her second at 44, just before I became granny. She does find it tiring at times but she loves being a mum

LostInMess · 12/08/2017 22:20

I found out I was expecting DC4 at 41. Unplanned and we'd been taking precautions so he really shouldn't have happened but he's nearly two now. I remember thinking that things were unlikely to proceed to full term but it was a very straightforward pregnancy and birth - I was knackered but think that was due to DC1-3 not age!

I am aware that we have been incredibly lucky.

I was 42 when I had him. He is a source of constant joy and rather a lot of work to us all.

MrsAlanPartridge · 12/08/2017 22:28

I just had my 5th (and last!) DC and I am 42. I don't feel it. Pregnancy was straightforward. I had 2 MC over the last few years and honestly thought I was done. I'm very relaxed this time around and don't feel any different in myself to when my first DC was born.

beepbeeprichie · 12/08/2017 22:41

I'm the wrong side of 40 with a newborn. No miscarriages and no problems conceiving.
I would strongly urge against adding your age to your child's when they're 21, 30 etc etc. You have no idea what the future holds. I know people who lost their mums when they were 5 years old. Or 10 or 12 or 15. And some friends are nearly 50 and still have healthy parents.

ILikeThatSong123 · 12/08/2017 23:12

I had my first and only child at the age of 42. She was conceived really easy, I never had any miscarriages and obviously never had any other pregnancies before her (and after having her). Pregnancy run very smooth,. Apart from morning sickness that lasted 4 months, it was an easy pregnancy. She was born full term. She is now a healthy and wonderful 12 years old. I know I am very lucky to have her so easily.
Conception was easy. Pregnancy was easy. Her baby/toddler/child years have been easy. I had no problem with running after her, doing everything a younger mum would do, I am sure I even did more running around, crammed lots more activities, being the PFB situation in my fourties. In other words being a mum at the age of 42 has been very easy and very enjoyable. I had all the energy in the world.
Now I am 54 and she is in secondary school and she is lots more independent so I am slowing down and giving her more autonomy within reason. It is working well.
In summary, being a new mum at 42 was a doodle. I was full of energy just like a mum in her 30'ies. I intend to keep healthy and enjoy her adult years. No one knows what is round the corner but so far so good. Age has not been any issue for us. I wish I had her earlier in my life and was able to give her a sibling but I don't get on with my own sibling, we are no-contact, so being an only child is not necessarily a bad thing.

ferriswheel · 12/08/2017 23:16

I lost a baby at 35, had a baby at 36, 38 and 39.

It is wonderful except for divorcing the man child.

I read the over 40 statistics are very out of date.

MoreProseccoNow · 12/08/2017 23:16

I've also got loads of energy after having DD at 41. I'm always a bit Hmmat threads where those who had their families younger seem to think older mum's are extra-exhausted, and can't cope.

I've just run 5K tonight & have no difficulty keeping up with my DD.