...to want a baby at age 42?

[justcurious40]

I just had a miscarriage at 9 weeks along. I am 41 right now, but if we TT another, I will be 42 when he/she is born.

I am starting to doubt myself now. Is it crazy to try at my age? Apart from the odds of it going wrong, I would be 60 when my baby is 18. Is that too old??

I should add that, thankfully, I already have children. So perhaps I should quit while I'm ahead? On the other hand, my youngest was born when I was 38, so I will be 56 when she is 18. What difference does 4 years make??

I had a mmc last year aged 40, then conceived again 2 months later and had dd in April, aged 41. I'm fit, active and very healthy, no issues with the pregnancy and loving being a mum.
We will be trying for a sibling for her, and I'll be 42/43. I see no problem with this, there's a lot to be said for being financially stable and having a lot of life experience.
Best of luck.

Women have always had babies well into their forties, it's only first time babies in the forties that's a more recent thing.

i know a good number of women who had first babies at 42, all fine and no issues.
don't worry.

I had DD at 41, after having m/c at 38 & 39, got pregnant very easily.

But I'm done now (had DS at 36).

It's pretty normal round here to have kids in to 40's; more unusual to have them in 20's.

hiphopcat there is another (slightly morbid) side to it. You are freer at a younger age. I was born to older parents and lost both in my mid thirties.

Of course it was shit, of course it was. But the reality is that now I have no-one to take care of except my kids. Life is a lot simpler in that sense.

Whereas my MIL was still taking care of her Mum at 65! It was horrendous. She just wasn't able as her own hips were going. I don't mind being spared that.

@elspethflashman

Swings and roundabouts eh?

Still, it wouldn't be for me, having babies in my mid 40s. I think there are more cons than pros..

But yeah, if your parents die when you're 30-ish, then you don't end up having to care for very infirm and elderly parents in your 40's, 50's and 60's, and this may be seen as a bonus for some. Especially when you see people in their 40s, 50's, and 60's having to look after parents in their 70's and 80's. (As well as their own children, and often whilst working too!)

I do know - right now - a woman of 53 who is having a hell of a time with her 80 y.o. mother who point blank refuses to go into a care home, even though she can barely look after herself and keeps falling over, and having 'accidents.' She and the brother keep having to visit every day, despite living 20 miles away, and having children and jobs.

Then again, it's a massive blow to lose your parents in your 20's, and many people who do, say it's a very hard road to travel without the support from parents that many of their peers have. Especially as their children grow up with no grandparents. And they very much envy people with parents still alive.

As I said, 'swings and roundabouts.'

I don't think you are too old. I had my last child at 40 but have since had two miscarriages at 10 and 13 weeks and now at nearly 44 I think I'm probably done.

I know what you mean about not being sure you can go through it again. We arnt preventing but not actively trying so it is unlikely to happen again for me. It's hard to close that 'door' for good isn't it?

2 miscarriages and first baby born at age of 40. She will be our first and last but not for age reasons or fertility reasons. She is an absolute joy.

My mum was 42 when she had me. She had 1 miscarriage just before me. I have 2 much older siblings.
I have honestly never felt my mum is too old. She's young at heart and has always been healthy.
She's just turned 80 and I have young kids now. My boys love her. She has patience.

Do what works for you and your family.

I had DS1 at 40. No issues getting pg (at 39), no problems except he didn't want to come out and I was induced at 40+14 weeks.

DS2 was a little harder - had 3 MCs between DS1 and DS2, finally managed to get my "sticky" aged 44, and DS2 was born when I was 45.

All MCs were early, and one of things that came up was my low vitamin D levels - I don't know that correcting that helped, but I feel it might have done, as low vit D is associated with both infertility and MC. I was doing other things as well - progesterone pessaries, taking anti-coagulants as soon as I got the positive pg test (I have a blood clotting disorder, Factor V Leiden thrombophilia) - but I'd done those with the last MC as well, the only difference was the vit D.

I have a friend who had her DS at 43, after 3 MCs. It was very hard for her, and so she stopped at 1 and didn't try for any more.

I don't feel too old to have a 5 and 10 yo - but some people would think I am. I tend to disagree - but then I would, wouldn't I!

I had my twins at 42. I already have older children and planned the pregnancy (so many people make comments that they must have been an 'accident' - extremely annoying but a whole other thread!!!)

Just remember, you're more likely to have twins as an older mum

I don't think it's too old but the risk of miscarriage and other problems is higher so it's worth taking that into account. I know a few women that have had babies at 44/45 after losing babies beforehand.

I became a mum for first time at 45. I didn't plan it that way, but would never change things. There is never a perfect time. Might be harder when DS is older, but for the majority of the time now (he's a toddler) I feel my age is an advantage rather than a disadvantage.

My mum had me at 22 and my sister (no-one in between) at 42! She fell pregnant after 4 months ttc and no miscarriages.

She will openly admit that she enjoyed being a mum to my sister much more than being a mum to me! Saying that, my sister got so much attention, she is a bit of a brat (but love her just the same!). She is now 28, my mum is celebrating her 70th birthday next year, and she is as young as ever. She travels on her own all over Europe, she swims every week, does whatever else physical activity (I lost track), she is doing a course at Uni, painting, volunteering, you name is, she does it!

My sister is still very dependent on her in every aspect, much much more than I was at the same age! They are very close.

Then again, 42 is young in my family, my grand mother was 45 when she had my mum, her first (and obviously only!) child. My grand ma was also very young and active although did die too young at 83.

@hiphopcat re: And would be potentially responsible for an elderly and infirm parent whilst only in their 20's.
I would be 62 when the child is 20 and 71 when they are 29. I sincerely hope I will not be elderly/infirm that soon!

just saw your post Rufus, now to see someone else with the same experience than my grand mother, although at the time, it was a bit of a novelty (more being pregnant for the first time at that age than the age alone).

My parents died when I was in my early thirties, and let me assure you, there is no "bonus" about being left without them whilst raising young children yourself and having no family to turn to. Even just grieving for the years without them when all your peers have parents still is tough enough.

I'm not sure it's a good enough reason not to ttc in your forties though if you want to- as long as you know the risks. You might live to be 90. No one knows.

Yanbu, I want a baby at nearly 41 but sadly it's not likely to happen for me.

But I've known several people have babies in their 40s; happy healthy babies.

im 45 and still trying op, i got pg last year but things went wrong sadly. i dont look or feel anywhere near my age, and im very certain now that id do it again quite happily. fingers crossed!

Swing similar but not totally the same - DS is adopted so my baby suddenly appeared rather than me being pregnant for the first time at 45. It was Christmas time so did cause great delight amongst neighbours etc who knew nothing.

Chatty I understand what you're saying, but I think it depends on circumstances. I know I am a better mum now in my 40s and can give DS more opportunities than I could have done in my 20s. Also have a supportive DP which I didn't have in my 30s and 20s. That (for me) is a bonus.

Only you can decide, but trying for a baby in your mid 40's is not something I would sign up for

OP is 41! She's in her very early forties.

I'd do it, OP, if I was 41/42. You've a very good chance of having a healthy pregnancy and baby at that age. In 2-3 years it probably won't be an option any more.

I have a friend who had one at 49. She's very youthful, fit and healthy and there's great longevity in her family on both sides (her parents are in their 80s and her grandmother lived to over 100) so there's a good chance she'll be around well into her son's adulthood. I had my second DC just after my 40th as did a few friends so I don't think 42 is past it at all. It's up to you. If you feel up to it and you have the energy, I don't see why you shouldn't.

Not too old at all. I know 2 people who had their first children at a similar age (one at 42 and one at 43). One had had a miscarriage a couple years earlier.

Had recurrent miscarriage in my early 30s (5 in total, 2 DC and God willing 3rd DC due early next year). Recurrent losses happen at every age, so don't let that put you off.

Not too old. Good luck!

It wouldn't be for me, I'm 36 and carrying my second and last and I'm fucking knackered. But if you're up for it and mentally able to cope with potentially another miscarriage then why not.