to expect my MIL to give us the money she promised?

[KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg]

this is still going on!!

MIL said she had £500 for us for our wedding, that is 'put away' in one of those hard to get at accounts,

when i got my wedding dress she gave me £130

we had a hard time getting the money promised from FIL too (said £1000 but gave us £500 in the end)

so once FIL gave us £500 MIL asked if she could borow £300 for her rent!!

DH agreed,

so now she owes us £300 that she borrowed and hasnt mentioned the other £370 (left over from the original £500 she said she would give us)

she had said the money is put away - its been about 5 months now - why doesnt she just get it out of the account??

we didnt plan to get married until we had save ourselves but my MIL, FIL and mum all said they had money for us so why wait!

so we planned it based on what they said they would give us but upto now MIL has given us £130 out of the original £500 she said

FIL has given us £500 in stead of £1000 (and MIL has taken 300 of that!!)

and my mum was going to give us £1000 - but she is ill now and cant sell the house because of some clause that means if she leaves before Jan she owes the council £30,000!!!

i dont know what to do

like i said we werent going to get married as we couldnt afford it, but they promised us this money and we have booked and paid deposits (over £500 worth) based on these promises

Kitty...need to speak to DH and get him to get that £300 back pronto! if your MIL had money, she would not be borrowing the rent, so presume she has nothing

have you a credit union local to you?

have you seen CAB..they might know

Also, moneysupermarket.com or motleyfool might have advice about getting a card or loan if you have no credit history

can you go and talk to your bank ? they might lend it?

because i didnt expect my PIL to do this

or i didnt expect my mum to get cancer, or to not be able to sell the house - which is what the majority of this was riding on

i havent got a crystal ball,

TBH - I think your DP is a bigger TT that your FIL. He gave you £500 and your DP gave it away. Once he finds out about that then you can forget about him stumping up any more money.

I just want to reiterate what I said earlier. A marriage is not about one day or a big showy wedding. What is it that is important to you? A wedding or a marriage?

If it is the marriage then go ahead with your day, but do it without a reception. You've got the dress, photos etc covered.

The hotel won't change you full price for cancelling the day - look at the cancellation policy for how much you will lose.

Kitty - I feel you are being chastised here as if this is somehow your fault. It's not!

I don't think it's wrong to book a wedding that family are urging you to book on their word that they will contribute.

I do feel really sorry for you - could your FIL not loan you the money and Dp could ay it back over a year or so? ( Even if he is a twat - he would surely not want to see his son's wedding cancelled?)

Soapbox - are you always this harsh?

Harsh or not mt3g - it is the reality. I wish for Kitty that it wasn;t - but it is!

kitty, email me if there is anything i can help you with

[email protected]

one of my many previous jobs was as a banker - people do borrow money rather than a break a fixed term bond quite often. also, if she does have one, she should ask her bank about breaking it, if she needs to get money out before the term renewal because they will quite likely agree but with a small penalty (my exp is from international banking, 'though)

if there is no money, how about cancelling the venue and doing something different?

i don't see her as being harsh either. it just seems weird to plan all that and not have the funds first. hope you get it all sorted in the end.

its about my wedding day as much as my lifetime marriage

ill be with my husband for the rest of my life, with have an infinate amount of days to sit around doing whatever this is my wedding day - my one and only wedding day

and i want a big party, i want it to be grand,

its not a crime

and doesnt mean i love my DP any less does it?

ill figure something out

I hope you don't think I'm berating you Kitty - though I do think you need to beat your DH about the head and body to stop him giving away money you have committed to elsewehre.

i'm afriad like many others I don;t think youwill get the money from your MIl and you need to plan for that either - smaller less expensive venue that you can afford or cancel or no venue at all and just invte close friends and family back to the house.

Be very clear with MIL that you are doing this because of her behaviour. Won;t make any difference but might make you feel a bit better (if you're as vindictive as me!)

Soapbox, I know it's the reality, but calling her DP a T**T is still a little harsh I think. It may have been misplaced help considering he needed the money, but he lent the money to his mum, not blew it down the betting shop!!

Kitty, do you have anything you could sell to help raise the money?

I feel for you as \i am planning my wedding for next May, and \i do know that it can be horrendously expensive, even for quite a small gathering.

I wish you luck, but your MIL needs to know that this isn't the est way to start a relationship with her new daughter in law!!

I know that Kitty - but take it from an older experienced hand - that a wedding day, is just that - a day.

Your life long marriage is much more important than that.

What I am trying to say, is that your wedding day in all liklihood is going to be very different to the big grand day that you imagined it would be, unless someone comes up with the money sometime soon. Your marriage though can still be all that you planned it to be and is not dependent on the grandness or otherwise of your wedding day.

Plenty of people on here have had alternatives to the grand days for their weddings and most of them have still had a day to remember

Kitty....forget about family giving the money..see the CA, credit union or bank

MT3g - it was entirely related to her calling her PIL a T*T! I was merely pointing out that IMO, her assignment of T*tdom was to the wrong person!

Personally, I think soapbox is being realistic, not harsh.

Okay Soapbox perhaps I have jumped in quickly there - but let's just offer sympathy or constructive advice instead of telling her how silly she's been.
Yes, we're entitled to think what we like, but it's not going to help someone who's obviously upset and worried to be told that on top of everything else is it?

my DP is NOT a T**T

my FIL is,

my DP was helping out his mum (at the intirely wrong time addmittedly) but he onlydid what he thought was right

any chance to postpone the wedding afterall..you say that you only planned it earlier as you had money promised to you, so, just go back to the original plan, if you still can!

OK mt3g - but I have given her lots of constructive advice on this thread. Unfortunately due to the circumstances she is in, it is of the think about alternative plans type rather than being able to wave a magic wand and create the day she was thinking of. It is no less constructive, nor indeed unsympathetic, because of that.

I've always secretly wanted a big grand wedding - we married as poor-as-church-mice students and my parents refused to have anything to do with it and PIL couldn't really help - so we had 2 tiny weddings (1 civil, 1 church) and I wore an 80 quid dress. I do feel wistful sometimes, but Soapbox is right - it fades into insignificance in the grand scheme.

has your FIL got wind of the fact that you gave £300 of his money for your wedding to your MIL - my (divorced) father would not give me any money he thought would end up in my mothers hands on principle

Kitty...is there anyway of reducing the numbers...? ( Your MIL not coming would cut the cost of one mal at least...)

meal not mal!

its already down to basic family, my friend that ive known all my life, thats my sons godmummy isnt even invited to the day reception :