to expect my MIL to give us the money she promised?

[KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg]

this is still going on!!

MIL said she had £500 for us for our wedding, that is 'put away' in one of those hard to get at accounts,

when i got my wedding dress she gave me £130

we had a hard time getting the money promised from FIL too (said £1000 but gave us £500 in the end)

so once FIL gave us £500 MIL asked if she could borow £300 for her rent!!

DH agreed,

so now she owes us £300 that she borrowed and hasnt mentioned the other £370 (left over from the original £500 she said she would give us)

she had said the money is put away - its been about 5 months now - why doesnt she just get it out of the account??

we didnt plan to get married until we had save ourselves but my MIL, FIL and mum all said they had money for us so why wait!

so we planned it based on what they said they would give us but upto now MIL has given us £130 out of the original £500 she said

FIL has given us £500 in stead of £1000 (and MIL has taken 300 of that!!)

and my mum was going to give us £1000 - but she is ill now and cant sell the house because of some clause that means if she leaves before Jan she owes the council £30,000!!!

i dont know what to do

like i said we werent going to get married as we couldnt afford it, but they promised us this money and we have booked and paid deposits (over £500 worth) based on these promises

Well, is there a way of keeping the veue but choosing a cheaper menu? Or not having alcohol there until the evening?

Is there anything at all that you could cut out of the day that hasn't alreday been economised to the bone?

we have the cheapest option, its a day reception buffet, not even a proper meal,

but imy mum just rang to say she can give us £1300!! she like a super mummy psychic!

im just so pleased, MIL can go stuff herself

i can raise the rest no problem

i love my mam!

actully its my grandad, hes got a loan for my mum, which she will pay off after january when she can sell the house,

good for your mum

kitty I think if the style of the day is important and non-negotiable to you then why not postpone the day until you and dp have been able to save up?

Yes you may lose some in cancellation fees but better that than be stuck not able to pay for stuff....I do agree that if your MIL and FIL were going to stump up the cash, they would have by now. You need to forget that they offered, and move on.

Relying only on yourselves will reduce the stress levels, at least, though it might take longer to get to the day.....

Awww bless your mum Kitty for helping you even when she is ill!!! And your grandad..I love em both!!

By the way, don't tell your mil any of this...I owuld still ask her when the money will be forthcoming...

oo-er things moved on a bit quick there, didn't they! Congrats, have a lovely day!

yeah, i feel a bit bad for my grandad but apparently he was doing it anyways for her and so is just going to add a bit more on

Is this the way weddings are paid for nowadays? [I feel really old]

Dh & I both took on over time in the months before our wedding. We worked all the hours we could, he took on jobs on Sundays, I worked until 7pm most night & then did some home jobs after that.

We revelled in every second of our wedding day, knowing that our own hard toil had paid for the day

My parents aren't rich, they bought us a washing machine

IL's give us £1000 that helped us get plans passed for our new home. We lived in a mobile home for 5 years as happy as pigs in shite

Never take money from anyone if you can possibly avoid it. They never forget they have given it. I am still hearing about train fares to uni paid 20+ years ago. Wish I'd walked...

my mums not like that, shed give me everything and never mention it again,

defiantly wont ask for ANYTHING from MIL again

@ slowreader

could you sell a ticket to the wedding to MIL (say £300 per ticket)

Sorry Kitty, lucky you though with your lovely mum.Have a great day.

Kitty have a fantastic day and I am sure if you needed anything for the day - veil etc the Mumsnetters could rally round and lend to you??

Just arrived - that was like a soap opera plot! Hope it goes well for you, and your mum deserves an enormous bouquet in cellophane with ribbon on the day. (And a nice bottle of something for gramps).

The very best of luck - hope you have a lovely day. I do however think how lucky you are to be so spoiled!!! my God, I have not got as much as one cent from dp or my family and whats more wouldnt expect it at all! no way!! regardless of promises etc... they have no obligation to have to do this for you. You are very very lucky!!

sorry, meant to say - dps family not dp

Sorry kitty, what a nightmare. I know what it feels like to be let down in this way. If only hadn't said they were going to give you the money you would have been able to budget correctly.

If I were you I would ignore the money your MIL claims is in some account and concentrate on getting back the money you lent her for rent. Write off everything else and use this as a learning experience.

Don't believe people, don't count on anyone, don't expect help, just make it work on your own.

It sounds harsh but this is what we have had to do and once you make the decision you feel empowered and free of the bad energy of others in this department.

Once we phoned my MIL from France where we were stranded with the kids after having a tire blow out on the road and dh's wallett stolen with all our holiday money in it.

We'd never normally call anyone for help because of past bitter experience of rejection, but this time we had no option.

MIL grudgingly put some money in DH's account so we could get it out, we paid her back within the month, and she still brings it up as an example of how careless we are with money every time she visits.

And I won't even start on what happened the first and last time I ever asked for help from my mum.

thats awful,

i guess i am lucky - to have my mum that is, NOT my MIL

im gonna get DP to give it one last go tonight RE- trying to find out if there actully IS any money put away for us,

then ill just tell her to bog off ( after shes made the wedding cake that is) heheh

quick update - im off out again in a mo ...

my DP rang his mum and basically asked her what was going on, asked if she did have money put away or not,

turns out he was right about using the money on IVF, she had but she said she has some and will give us our £300 asap and £500 on top of that

so i am a semi-happy bunny (will be a very happy bunny when i have the money in my ands!!) lol

should read 'hands'