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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this mum in the coffee shop

826 replies

Sallygoroundthemoon · 10/08/2017 11:54

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 10/08/2017 12:54

Can only suggest you start an extremely loud, lively rendition of 'A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall' OP.

That'll shut her up.

BackforGood · 10/08/2017 12:54

Ha ha - I stopped for lunch yesterday with my dd (who is 15) and there was a Dad who came in and sat at a nearby table who was doing just this sort of thing - I was having a little giggle to myself and had to explain to dd about performance parenting.
Well, a cross between MN's performance parenting, and the Daily Mash, where a Dad was so proud of himself for looking after his children for 5 hours on his own. Grin

MagicMojito · 10/08/2017 12:56

Perhaps she's realizes that she gets judged on practically everything she does since popping a kid out well prob even since the announcement of having a baby and shes realized she cant do right for doing wrong Hmm so just does what suits her and her kid. Excellent way to parent if you ask me!

and by the way, I'm absolutely one of those parents who hands her toddler the phone to entertain herself whilst I sit and try my very best to ignore her for a little while!

Viviennemary · 10/08/2017 12:57

Yes it's ignorant and rude. If I was the owner I'd have chucked her out.

MeMeMeMe123 · 10/08/2017 12:57

Whatever happened to live and let live? Provided they're not running around (idiotic behaviour) then what's the issue? Maybe the mother has poor hearing?

I talk to my kids when I'm out in coffee shops - i don't know if my volume is loud or not. It will likely be louder if they're messing or are ignoring me.

I just cant get worked up about all the annoyance. Its a public place - therefore full of people who behave differently and have standards not identical to yours. What can we realistically do?

PuppyMonkey · 10/08/2017 13:00

We had a memorable performance parent next to us at a pub once and I have to tell you, it completely put me off the name Sebastian.

Seeingadistance · 10/08/2017 13:01

My life is enriched for knowing that performance parenting is actually a thing. With a name that describes it perfectly. Thank you mn.

Me too.

My ex was into performance parenting. He was a shit parent at home though, when the only audience was me and his DS.

MrsGotobed · 10/08/2017 13:03

Loud parenting at it's best!

There's no harm in reading to your child in a coffee shop but FGS why do it so everyone else has no option but to listen too ...oh, I know, it's so everyone thinks to themselves what a wonderful parent you are...only they don't, they think you're an annoyingly loud performance parent.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 10/08/2017 13:04

you should have just repeated EVERYTHING she said, she'd soon shut up! Wink

willpoweriskey · 10/08/2017 13:07

People's tolerance levels seem to be at an all time lowConfused feeling a little paranoid now about how I entertain my toddler in public.... if I'm honest, I'm generally just trying my hardest to stop him from getting fussy and fed up so as to keep judgy pants others in the public places happy but clearly I may be making things worse for myself...

Yellowtennis · 10/08/2017 13:07

I read to my kids in coffee shops, trains, park benches. So fuck off!

Mothervulva · 10/08/2017 13:09

Dolly haha, perfectly summed up!
My DD1 asked me to read a Mr Man book (bad enough), on the tube the other day and I was trying desperately to find the acceptable volume level so she could hear, but I wouldn't annoy members of the public with it. I see (and hear) this sort of thing quite often, and I enjoy it tbh.

MaisyPops · 10/08/2017 13:09

PoorYorick No. You sound like a sensible, reasonable adult entertaining a child nicely.

Now, if you'd put on a loud voice and started 'Look at all the dinosaurs! Harrison, what do we call this one? A T Rex? Yes. Well done. But that's not the full name is is? Nooooo. You know the full name don't you AND you can spell it like you did at grandma's... you loved dinosaur day that our mummy group where we did all those sensory activities. And the lady did a song. What's the song?' THEN you'd be one of those parents.

I know some will say live and let live. Personally, I'm more "live and have a bit of consideration for those around you". Having a kid doesn't make being loud and disruptive acceptable

thirtyplusone · 10/08/2017 13:10

Alternatively, she's found the best way she knows how to keep her children happy and entertained which isn't shoving an iPad in front of them. Good for her. You'd be complaining if the kid was running riot or screaming.

I work on my laptop in coffee shops, from time to time I get irritated by hords of children especially during holidays, but I leave, because perhaps that's the only place they get out to all day. Perhaps that's their time away from being stuck lonely at home. God forbid the woman just wants a change of scenery and a coffee.

Headphones in, carry on. It's a public place.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 10/08/2017 13:11

How the fuck have they the energy for this? If I took mine to a cafe it was so I could see more than the four Walls of my lounge and the (adorable) faces of my DC. I was just desperate for adult interaction after a day/week/month of Thomas and mr fucking men and Tweenies, I'd ask for imaginary sugar or the time or anything that wasn't child based.
However, my contribution? Taking the boys to York on train. Full of excitement, but just sat talking, not loud. Little boy about same age (5) with mum. Excellent. No, he had to do his Kumon maths, very loudly led by mum. Who tutted and cats bummed at me and mine being happy about the rail museum. She eventually asked (loudly, looking for approval) if they could be quiet so he could work. He asked her if they could go if he finished. "Oh no"still top of voice."you have important things to do, not silly things" poor little thing. The looks she got.

MaisyPops · 10/08/2017 13:12

Alternatively, she's found the best way she knows how to keep her children happy and entertained which isn't shoving an iPad in front of them. Good for her. You'd be complaining if the kid was running riot or screaming
If that's the best way and that's what she wants to do then she should choose her coffee places appropriately.
Near me there's a few cafes that are clearly family friendly, small soft play etc. Go there if she wants to do loud playing.

I have a feeling that loud performance parents turn into the parents who allow their children to run around the place 'because they're kids' and tut when anyone suggests it's not appropriate behaviour

Audreyhelp · 10/08/2017 13:13

Why would anyone let their child run wild in a coffee shop with hot drinks around?
Hate these types of parents and the wow parents everything they do is WOW THATS AMAZING . WOW CLEVER GIRL. Or just WOW

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 13:15

@dollydaydream114

Children are children - running, screaming, etc are part of their makeup.
They don't always do that, but sometimes.

I take the risk if they get scolded by a drink. That's my responsibility, I agree, but a risk I am willing to take on their behalf.

I think we need to agree to disagree. [shakes hand of dolly]

thirtyplusone · 10/08/2017 13:16

Except maisy, no one said it wasn't child friendly. This isn't loud play.
Perhaps there aren't alternatives. You're lucky to have options but I can only assume this woman doesn't live near you.

nina2b · 10/08/2017 13:16

As others have said, this is performance parenting at its very best. You are very privileged to have been treated to such an excellent display during your coffee time.

nina2b · 10/08/2017 13:17

At best it is earnest, at worst it is very very irritating.Angry

MaisyPops · 10/08/2017 13:18

Children are children - running, screaming, etc are part of their makeup.
They don't always do that, but sometimes.

Yes they do run and scream. But they do that in appropriate environments, like soft play and the park, not in a cafe because a parent thinks it's sweet to allow them to run around.

Think they're allowed to run around the corridors at school? When they go on trips with nursery should the staff let them all run about because "they're kids"? No

Let's say it's find for teenagers to be rude because it's part of being a teenager. We don't because they have to learn how to interact and manage emotions.

JessicaEccles · 10/08/2017 13:18

I take the risk if they get scolded by a drink. That's my responsibility, I agree, but a risk I am willing to take on their behalf

Are you nuts??????!!!!!

Viviennemary · 10/08/2017 13:18

If your kids are loud then go to one of these dreadful soft play areas. Where they will meet others of that type. Only you won't be able to hear yourself speak above the din others are making. Much better in a nice quiet coffee shop where your piercing voice and loud kids disturb everyone else. Grrrr.

Audreyhelp · 10/08/2017 13:20

It may not be your child being scolded though neutrogenia .