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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About this mum in the coffee shop

826 replies

Sallygoroundthemoon · 10/08/2017 11:54

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

OP posts:

LEMtheoriginal · 10/08/2017 12:20

Was on holiday last week and some dozy mare shouted "Gooood paddling" to her child. "Isn't that good paddling daddy"to her hipster bearded husband. I couldn't resist "Gooood loud parenting " if looks could kill.....

PegLegAntoine · 10/08/2017 12:20

Don't mind kids being read to but it doesn't need to be a loud, shouty attention seeking performance! Inside voices please :o

DonkeyOil · 10/08/2017 12:21

That's the kind of parent who would make me want to stick my three year old (if I still had one!) on a separate table with a tablet, a coke, a bag of sweets and a firm instruction to keep quiet while mummy's on her phone.

LizzieMacQueen · 10/08/2017 12:21

She's obviously been employed by the coffee shop to deter those guests who are just lingering to use the free wifi.

SoupDragon · 10/08/2017 12:21

What bastards. Why can't they ignore their childrenlike the rest of us?

newnamechange84 · 10/08/2017 12:21

What's the betting the child doesn't get read to at home? I know a few mum's like this who 'pp' in public...

KathyBeale · 10/08/2017 12:21

You can read a story to your child without putting on a performance, though, NotMyPenguin.

There is a mother at my son's swimming who does performance spelling with her child. It drives me nuts. I'm not impressed that he's learning his spellings and I don't need to hear her saying the same word over and over, and louder and louder. Also, it made me laugh when he was learning homophones and she was just saying them in different ways. "PrinciPAL PAL PAL... Principle LLLLLL..." which clearly wouldn't help him understand the different meanings whatsoever.

Chamonix1 · 10/08/2017 12:23

"Yes performance parenting. I had this on the bus the other day including a recap of their whole day and where they're going for dinner. And reminiscing loudly of what a fun summer holiday they've had. All loud enough for the audience on the top deck and a few sneaky glances to see if she had our attention."

Cringe.

user1485639128 · 10/08/2017 12:24

Would rather just give my kid cake to scoff. People like this annoy me

flapflops · 10/08/2017 12:25

It's all very well reading a book to your child in a coffee shop, but reading it at a volume where everyone else can plainly hear it is just rude and wrong. All those saying it's OK and we are a bunch of moaners who want silence when drinking coffee have obviously never ever witnessed performance parenting at it's very best. It's fucking infuriating and done for one reason alone which is to tell the whole world what great parents they are. It's like they have no awareness of anyone else in their world except they do, they totally do which is why they are reading at the top of their voice like a bloody children's entertainer.

Spikeyball · 10/08/2017 12:26

Yanbu. That is the sort of carry on that sets mine off shrieking and cue 'looks' from performance parent.

MaisyPops · 10/08/2017 12:26

Performance parenting.

Loud theatrical book readings as as obnoxious and irritating as people who have loud phone calls or sit and have a gossip so everyone now knows that dally hasn't had sex in 3 weeks.

Read the book quietly, still with expression and nobody would mind. (Added because it's only time before there's a 'but we can't win because if little Tilly was making a fuss then you'd judge us too)

Saysomething88 · 10/08/2017 12:26

I do this. Not in a coffee shop. My kids wouldn't sit still in a coffee shop though.
But I do repeat everything my child has said loudly and clearly as she has speech problems and I have been told to model the correct version of the words. Maybe people think I'm performance parenting. But then again, mums are judged in everything they do. Maybe they feel the need to prove they are being fabulous parents.

hiphopcat · 10/08/2017 12:27

PMSL, you can totally tell the people who are guilty of performance parenting on this thread can't you? There's only 3 or 4 of them, (so far,) but they stand out a mile.

One thing that pisses me off (as well as the loud and obnoxious 'look at what a great mommy I am' stance,) is when they look around to make sure people are looking at them, and how utterly awesome they are!

AvoidingCallenetics · 10/08/2017 12:27

Everyone in a public space has a responsibility to be considerate. Talking and reading aloud = fine. Doing it so the entire shop can hear every bloody word = not fine.

I know a performance parenter dad. He strikes me as a right tit. Must admit I enjoyed watching the mum moaning at them recently, cos they were late for school and left the lunchboxes in the car or something. At least one of their parents isn't a tit!

Saysomething88 · 10/08/2017 12:29

And I constantly run a commentary on our day to day goings on due to my daughters speech and understanding. Fuk. People must hate me

user789653241 · 10/08/2017 12:29

I've read on MN that one of the poster let her toddler read books out loud to them at the nice restaurant, over the dessert. Is this similar sort of public performance to show how great you are as a parent, or how great your child is?
Great to do that at library etc, but not where other people are chilling out like coffee shops.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 12:29

There's a difference between performance parenting and being able to read/entertain tour child without making everyone else join in too.

I'm partially deaf and the hearing aid I wear amplifies sound ten fold. I was more than slightly miffed when some one decided to play fireman Sam to their kid on the phone at full volume on a packed bus during rush hour one morning, even the kid weren't bloody interested! But I did the British thing and quietly seethed until a space as far away as possible at the front became available.

I also have an autistic son who jumps out of his skin at loud noises etc. The performance parent lady in this scenario would he the one I'd be glaring at with full cats bum face.

dollydaydream114 · 10/08/2017 12:29

There's a balance, isn't there? Sitting with your toddler and quietly reading them a story to keep them occupied while you're out with them is one thing, but making a massive loud performance of it is another.

Parents who adopt the loud, teacherish voice at places like zoos, museums, galleries etc also drive me mad. Brilliant that you're taking your kids to these places and that you're helping them learn: this is good. What's not good is that you want the 100 other people in the room, including the adults, to 'learn' from you as well and, ideally, be amazed at how clever you and your precious child are. "Oh LOOK, Hugo! These are paintings by VAN GOGH. Can you say 'Van Gogh'? He was from Holland. We went to Holland, didn't we? And we took you to lots of galleries and museums there because we are such excellent parents and at no point did we take you to soft play because that would be common. Now, WHAT FLOWERS ARE THESE? Yes, they're SUNFLOWERS, are they? Now, let's all sing the song you learnt about sunflowers at Middle-class Mummy & Toddler Club. I'm sure all these other people will join in and do all the actions because of course you do become distressed if everyone in the room doesn't do what you want, don't you darling? Oh, that lady is rolling her eyes at us? I expect she just doesn't understand because she doesn't have any children of her own."

Drives me round the bend.

cowgirlsareforever · 10/08/2017 12:30

We stayed at a family hotel once, (the chain advertises on here) and it was full of parents like this. My DC thought they were hilarious. There were loads of parents who were trying to get their preschoolers to sit down nicely and do a jigsaw when really all they wanted to do was run around in circles. Most entertaining two days we've ever had.

Fruitboxjury · 10/08/2017 12:31

My life is enriched for knowing that performance parenting is actually a thing. With a name that describes it perfectly. Thank you mn.

Glumglowworm · 10/08/2017 12:32

Yanbu

Nobody is saying don't take your child places, don't talk to them or don't read to them

Just don't do it so bloody loudly that no one else can hear themselves think. Amazingly enough, it's actually possibly to talk to, not shout at, a child who is sat next to you/on your knee

woodhill · 10/08/2017 12:32

Can't bear it but I suppose it's better than the I-pad baby sitter

Lweji · 10/08/2017 12:32

She's obviously been employed by the coffee shop to deter those guests who are just lingering to use the free wifi.

I'd probably just smile while the story was being told. Even if I had read it 100 times.
But then, for some reason, I'm the mum random kids would approach in the library and ask to read them a story.

Urubu · 10/08/2017 12:33

I get where you are coming from, I like reading peacefully in coffee shops too -- but can we really expect parents with kids to sequester themselves in their own homes all the time and never go out except to soft play areas
The answer is common sense: read stories but with a quiet voice (and don't read the same one ten times in a row), play videos but with headphones, have a conversation but at an acceptable volume, etc.

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