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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this mum in the coffee shop

826 replies

Sallygoroundthemoon · 10/08/2017 11:54

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 10/08/2017 12:34

God, I had a couple in Yo sushi the other day
" well done on using chopsticks, you love chopsticks don't you, always ask for them at home. Do you want more edemame beans? They're your favourite aren't they? You would never eat anything else if you got the chance? That's sushi ( sashimi actually) and it's RAW SALMON! Not many children are clever enough to eat it but you love it and it makes you so clever. You like sushi better than sweet stuff don't you. Yes I know you had sweets this morning at the cinema but that was a special treat because we only have sweets on VERY SPECIAL occasions don't we
It went on for quite a while

Saysomething88 · 10/08/2017 12:34

Wood hill- I for one absolutely love the iPad babysitter

plimsolls · 10/08/2017 12:34

You can just tell when someone is Performance Parenting though. It's something to do with the parent obviously being aware that they are commanding attention. I think maybe because they kind of look around a bit or talk in a particular way. (It's not just PP this applies to.... I think you can always tell when someone is talking with the intention of being overheard and admires)

I bet the situation that saysomething and a few others have described wouldn't make anyone think twice as it's just not showing off Performance Parenting. When someone is totally focussed on their child, it's not the same as Performance Parenting. You definitely know t when you see it.

WonderLime · 10/08/2017 12:34

Well at least she's reading to her child instead of the usual 'mum is ignoring her child while sitting on her phone' threads.

alibongo5 · 10/08/2017 12:34

People like this are the main reason I try to remember to take my ipod and headphones with me on public transport and the like - not because I particularly want to listen to music but they block out all sorts of annoyance!

feral · 10/08/2017 12:35

I had never heard the term 'performance parenting' before but I'm loving this thread. I'm glad. It to be the only one who thinks people who do this are massive tits!

Saysomething88 · 10/08/2017 12:36

Plimsolls- I guess that makes sense. Feel better now. Really felt like I must have been winding people up with my continued commentary in really slow, clear speech 🙈

woodhill · 10/08/2017 12:37

Smile if it had been around when mine had been young I'm sure I would have loved it too.

Thank goodness for videos and kids tv

ThursdayLastWeek · 10/08/2017 12:37

I guess I'm guilty of this .

I just call it parenting though as I don't give a rats arse what anyone thinks Wink

MarklahMarklah · 10/08/2017 12:38

I read with my child in public (often at the library) and do the voices, and we practice spelling when we're out and about. However, I tend to restrict the volume to something suitable for my child only. I don't ramp it up to 11 and expect applause from everyone.

dollydaydream114 · 10/08/2017 12:38

This self-centredness is very tiring. I am going for a coffee (to a public place) but I demand everyone is quiet.

You'd hate me and my kids OP - I let them run wild in these places.

@Neutrogena: If you let children "run wild" in cafés, you are the self-centred one.

A café isn't an adventure playground and your kids aren't the centre of the universe. If you let them run wild, your manners are terrible and you're being inconsiderate to everyone else in the room. Plus, it's fucking dangerous to let children run wild in any environment where people are carrying trays of hot drinks and crockery. One day your kid will get scalded and it will be your fault.

JacquesHammer · 10/08/2017 12:39

Ah if only she had an iPad to entertain the kid

blackberrypickinginaugust · 10/08/2017 12:41

I do hate it when parents let their children run wild to be honest neutrogena

Soft play and the park are great for that. Not coffee shops.

dollydaydream114 · 10/08/2017 12:41

You can just tell when someone is Performance Parenting though. It's something to do with the parent obviously being aware that they are commanding attention.

Absolutely this! Parents having fun with their kids, reading to them etc is lovely and heartwarming. Parents showing off to a room full of other people who couldn't give a flying fuck is attention-seeking. And there's such an obvious difference; you can spot it straight away.

Redsippycup · 10/08/2017 12:42

Join in loudly with the next bit you recognise....

MaisyPops · 10/08/2017 12:42

dollydaydream114
That's EXACTLY what annoys me.Grin
You've summed it up perfectly.

PoorYorick · 10/08/2017 12:42

Crap. I was reading to my toddler in a cafe the other day while waiting for a friend, trying to keep him quiet and entertained. When she arrived he went into the high chair and the toy dinosaurs came out. I don't think I was speaking any louder than I would in a normal conversation. Is this what I looked like?

MumIsRunningAMarathon · 10/08/2017 12:42

kids running wild in cafes? is this a new 'thing' then?

Aridane · 10/08/2017 12:43

Oh goodness - I remember a horrible journey in the quiet coach.

Mother and young daughter - daughter quite happy quietly colouring in etc - and mother loudly performance parenting full volume, daughter responding in quiet voice.

Eventually an elderly gentleman (not sure why I mention his age) asked her to be quiet as it was the quiet coach - to the visible relief of other passengers - and mother continued with the full volume talk, this time about the nasty man, how she didn't know it was the quiet coach when she booked, and carry on darling. Difficult to believe she managed to keep that up for 20 mins.

Then when ticket man came round, she spoke about how she was told to be quiet but she had a child and these were her booked seats. Ticket conductor said train had plenty of spare seats and suggested she move. There was muted applause (!).

Elderly gentleman said to child that she had been a model of good behaviour.

I think the carriage would have tolerated a 'lively' child - but there was no excuse for the mother

Sandsnake · 10/08/2017 12:44

Haha - Hopping, that one really ticked me!

Agree with most others here that it's all just common sense and not rocket science at all. Judge your surroundings and make noise accordingly. Quietly reading to toddler = great, making unnecessary noise in a primarily adult environment (even if you deem that noise to be 'worthy') = not fair on others.

LaContessaDiPlump · 10/08/2017 12:45

I do agree that this is generally an irritating phenomenon.

BUT....

I was once traveling back home from London with a tired DS2 (aged around 3), in table seats with two young men opposite us. I read DS2 3 or 4 stories in the time it took us to get back (in a hopefully soft, quiet voice out of respect for others). When we got up to leave one of the young men said that he'd spent the last 25minutes listening to me read stories to my son and that it had been lovely Grin he was VERY young, tbf (poss student) - I guessed he had happy childhood memories!

So no real point to that anecdote but I always think of him when I am forced to publicly be a parent and do reading/drawing etc. He was a sweetie

SistersOfPercy · 10/08/2017 12:45

I'm guilty of this when we take out the kids at work. All are autistic and a constant reassurance (lovely sitting! You're doing so well today!) keeps them happier.
With my own, nah.

Seen plenty of it though. Does make me cringe a bit.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 12:47

You let your children run wild in places where they're carrying boiling hot tea and coffee? Doesn't sound very sensible. Confused

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 12:49

PoorYorick no. That's a lovely thing. Shrieking at your child to show how good a story reader one is. Not so much.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 12:53

Absolutely this! Parents having fun with their kids, reading to them etc is lovely and heartwarming. Parents showing off to a room full of other people who couldn't give a flying fuck is attention-seeking. And there's such an obvious difference; you can spot it straight away.

This x 1000.