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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this mum in the coffee shop

826 replies

Sallygoroundthemoon · 10/08/2017 11:54

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

OP posts:
vasseve1 · 10/08/2017 13:44

Just be grateful she didn't bring out the sock puppets....

TeamCersei · 10/08/2017 13:46

^The thing is, the children being performance parented at usually look thoroughly miserable and probably want to be left in peace.
and what's wrong with being bored?
Children need to learn that they can't be entertained every second of their lives.

StealthPolarBear · 10/08/2017 13:47

"OverTheHammer

Why not go over to her and scream in her ear? Or just tell her to shut the fuck up as nobody is interested in her performance parenting? I hate people like this! Stupid cow. Chuck your coffee over her and make sure it hits the book she's reading from."
Are you actually this violent in real life or just behind a keyboard? I get that the woman is irritating but this reaction is way over the top.

Hissy · 10/08/2017 13:47

Just shout 'Oh FGS, pipe down with the performance parenting!' without even lifting your head.

she will stop what she is doing and wonder who said it.

All you have to do then is say "Here here!" and ideally applaud!!

nina2b · 10/08/2017 13:47

Today 13:38 thunderyclouds

I 'performance parented' hmm the other day at the optician. I had no choice but to take both kids (pre-school) with me as I had no alternative child care. It was a long appointment, over an hour, with various tests, and then periods sitting in the waiting room waiting for drops to work in my eyes. Reading to them was a guaranteed way of ensuring they did not get bored and start running about, screaming, fighting, tantrumming, and generally driving me and everyone else in the waiting room half demented. They are nice kids, but no kid copes well with long boring medical appointments.

Is just lovely to know that my efforts to make the experience as painless as possible for everyone are seen as self serving attention seeking. Why are women so utterly nasty and critical of each other?

Your question should be:
Why are women like me deliberately missing the point and going into a huff?

The point is THE LOUD ANNOYING VOICES they affect.

nina2b · 10/08/2017 13:49

*Today 13:47 StealthPolarBear

"OverTheHammer*

Why not go over to her and scream in her ear? Or just tell her to shut the fuck up as nobody is interested in her performance parenting? I hate people like this! Stupid cow. Chuck your coffee over her and make sure it hits the book she's reading from."

Are you actually this violent in real life or just behind a keyboard? I get that the woman is irritating but this reaction is way over the top.

Are you serious!? Jeez

demirose87 · 10/08/2017 13:50

Very annoying. There's a mum in my toddler group like this and gets all carried away and over enthusiastic when reading a book or singing songs and it's just so cringe.

MaisyPops · 10/08/2017 13:50

I don't encourage my kids to run around and deliberately cause nuisance, but if they behave like children, I won;t stop them being them
You don't stop them. That tells them it's OK.
You say "behave like children", yet it's quite clear from most people's experiences of their own and other people's children that being poorly behaved in public isn't part of being a child.
But a coffee shop, where people are talking and moving, for sure they can run around. The shop will tell me to pipe down if necessary, but I have never been told

  1. People MOVING. Not people RUNNING AROUND.
Your child charges around the place and knocks a pot of tea from someone and it scalds me when I'm minding my own business at another table. That's just a 'risk you're willing to take'. Someone who needs support walking or is frail is knocked over and falls because you've told your children they can run around, another 'risk your willing to take'.
  1. It's not their job to intervene in your parenting.

Mental note- this is why teachers are dealing with more and more parents deciding that their child 'was just...' when they call up to complain about a sanction.

hifi · 10/08/2017 13:50

This reply has been deleted

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StealthPolarBear · 10/08/2017 13:50

Yes I'm serious.

mogulfield · 10/08/2017 13:50

I was on a train yesterday and my very bored and borderline trantrum child asked for a story. So I read it as I figured it was for the greater good (tantrum would've been far louder) I read it as quietly as humanly possible as I didn't want to annoy the lady trying to read her book next to me.
I think she was being unreasonable. Nobody needs to hear lots of silly noises.

Neutrogena · 10/08/2017 13:50

@Dolly says:
So take them to places where it's OK to do that then - i.e. not a fucking café. I see parents with well-behaved kids in cafes all the time who are capable of sitting at a table with a toy or crayons or whatever while parents have a coffee, so clearly plenty of kids are able to do that. If yours aren't, the solution is to accept that you can't sit with a latte for an hour while they cause havoc. Take them somewhere appropriate. Also, I said 'scalded' not 'scolded'. Scalded as in burnt by hot coffee, not scolded as in told off. Have you ever seen the scars from boiling water being spilled on a toddler's face? I have.

A cafe is a social place. OP wanted to read a book in quiet - the best place for that is called a library. Most coffee shops have play areas - they WANT children in there.

Chances of my kids being burnt by a boiling drink are very low - a risk I will take. They are much more likely to be hurt elsewhere.
if someone obviously deliberately hurt them that would be a matter for the authorities.

fivefour3twoone · 10/08/2017 13:51

Lol this thread is funny! Performance parenting (cringing inwardly incase I've done it!!)

TeamCersei · 10/08/2017 13:52

f they'd just take a step back and let the poor child breathe without so much attention on them

Too true.
Children don't have to be entertained for every second of their waking lives.
Let them be, once in a while.
It must be very stifling from a child's point of view to have one of these Performance Parents.

Hoppinggreen · 10/08/2017 13:53

Parenting and performance parenting are 2 very different things and if you ddon't my know the difference you are probably doing number 2!!

StealthPolarBear · 10/08/2017 13:53

I would shout in her ear and I would throw my coffee at her... Ffs

BawbagBiggins · 10/08/2017 13:54

I think 'performance spousing' should be a thing!

Chottie · 10/08/2017 13:54

Chances of my kids being burnt by a boiling drink are very low - a risk I will take. They are much more likely to be hurt elsewhere.

But why take this unnecessary risk?!?

Have you ever had a bad burn / scald from hot water? I have and it was extremely painful, not to mention the aftercare and resulting scar.....

fuckwitery · 10/08/2017 13:55

YANBU! A mum was doing this on the train the other day. In rush hour with a bunch of worn out knackered commuters. It. did. not. go. down. well......

onemorecakeplease · 10/08/2017 13:56

We were at a really beautiful country park earlier in the holidays.
My kids were running around spotting things and playing on the swings/slide
Meanwhile a family are sat at the table with 3 kids -reading to them. The mum was reading and the dad was nodding along.
Poor kids kept looking over at mine and I couldn't help thinking fgs let them run around and be kids!

MaisyPops · 10/08/2017 13:56

A cafe is a social place. OP wanted to read a book in quiet - the best place for that is called a library. Most coffee shops have play areas - they WANT children in there

Or they can read a book perfectly well in a coffee place with reasonable levels of chatter.

Some coffee places do play areas. I would expect those to be slightly louder than one without.

If there is a play area, children can play in the play area, NOT run around the cafe.

There is no reason for children to be running around a cafe.

nina2b · 10/08/2017 13:56

Today 13:50 hifi

Neutrogena why the fuck would you let your kids run wild in a coffee shop? get to a park you lazy shit. So anti social and entitled.

Don't hold back, now!

StealthPolarBear · 10/08/2017 13:57

Maybe they were perfectly happy. Loads if smuggery and desperation to be a cool parent on this thread.

EricaSeas · 10/08/2017 13:57

I had a similar thing in a coffee shop the other day only I had DTs (nearly 3) with me, they were being reasonably well behaved but I really fancied 5 minutes peace with my book. When a young hipster dad starting performance parenting I was really tempted to walk my two over and ask how much it would be to leave them to enjoy the show too.

FreudianSlurp · 10/08/2017 13:57

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