About this mum in the coffee shop

[Sallygoroundthemoon]

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

Mr Nosey comes to mind

I'm always dropping eaves.

One of my favourite things is sitting quietly and earwigging at other people's conversations.

That's creepy

That's sad to read Youthecat. No wonder you experience so many examples of what you percieve to be Performance Parenting.

That meant to have a after it and was supposed to be tongue in cheek.

Oh well.

They don't do tongue in cheek. Seems one is not allowed to criticise any mummy, however NOISY AND LOOK-At-ME.

Wow - I'm really shocked at the amount of vitriol about this! This is simply not something that would ever even touch my radar. Looks like I'm in the minority for wanting to let people parent how they want to parent so long as no-one's getting hurt. I didn't think mumsnet was the place to each tear other's parenting to pieces - I found a lot of the above quite cringey to read.

As none of us were there other than the original poster, is it fair to rip on this poor woman and call her an attention seeker, when it might simply have been the case that she was reading loudly without even realising? My husband makes Brian Blessed sound shy and retiring and I regularly give him the 'shhhhh' sign when we're out and about and starts bellowing about something. He just doesn't realise how loud he is - he certainly doesn't do it because he wants attention.

@majesticseacow, yes my DH is like that when telling our DDs about the history of trains. I tell him it's too much information for them lol. But he's definitely not doing it to show off his parenting skills, he really never has cared what others think about him at all.

@mittens1969 Same here! It's not a deliberate act designed to impress others, it's usually a case of getting a little bit carried away about something he's a touch overenthusiastic about.

I should imagine I also constitute a so-called 'performance parent' because probably have at some point praised our daughter in public for doing something well. At the time I'll have just been meaning to say 'well done' and not even considering people listening in and judging me for my awful parenting, but after reading this thread I now know that there was probably another parent somewhere rolling their eyes at me for 'showing off' . Oh well!

I see parents doing this in the library sometimes. Very loudly and dramatically reading a book to their child. I don't understand why they don't just borrow the book and read it to the child at home.

But then, they wouldn't have an unimpressed admiring audience in their own kitchen I suppose.

Some people are lonely and just need to get out among others. Maybe this poor mum and her child have a horrible home so the cafe was safe, warm and social.

I know this thread is going round in circles but for me the thing that is sad about this thread is that for many people talking to babies that are too small to reply, pointing out letters and colours and numbers when you're out and about and praising kids for doing well at this stuff doesn't come that naturally, but you do it anyway in the spirit of fake it until you make it because you're told by teachers and eyfs staff that it's good for their development. Now for every performance parent that's been shown the error of their ways by this thread there's probably quite a few people who are feeling even more self conscious about interacting with their child in public for fear everyone's going to be pissed off and sneering at them. I am certainly second guessing all the times I've read to my children on the train or encouraged them to read signs and menus and things,even though that's exactly what was recommended on the threads about finding time for reading practice in the holidays. If there's no general hum of conversation (on a commuter train for example) then you can be heard.

I mean FFS being judged for inappropriate reading in the library?

longest has it dawned on you that that's not the type of behaviour OP is referring to?

Well it sounds exactly the same to me, with the only distinguishing feature being the volume and the intention behind it, both of which have at least an element of subjectivity imo. Seems like some people are determined to believe the only reason someone might choose to read "dramatically" in a library is to performance parent. Nothing to do with the fact it's a nice place to hang out, there are fewer distractions than at home, they have time to kill in the vicinity or the plain fact that there are seats there designed to encourage exactly that behaviour and no reason not to enjoy a few minutes reading with their dc, other than fear of being mocked by everyone on here.

Can't believe the amount of judgemental messages on here. I am a supposed 'performance parent' as I read to my child in coffee shops, restaurants etc, purely because I want to keep him happy and not disturbing other people by running riot or whinging about something. He is clearly enjoying himself when we are doing this. It is absolutely NOT for the benefit of what other people may think about me.

It may come as a surprise to some, but the world doesn't actually revolve around them and their comfort.

Nor you and your child.

@ninab I think the point is that those who get so easily exasperated by other people's behaviour in public might be the ones better off staying at home. Why should the rest of the world tread on eggshells? Obviously no one encourages antisocial behaviour but reading aloud and counting with children is hardly that. "Aibu to think some people talk too loudly in cafes and on trains?" seems the more appropriate summary of this debate but might not have got the same number of people piling in to agree.

People should not have "to stay at home" to avoid selfish people who have no regard for others.

What a ludicrous thing to say. Haha

The daftest point on this thread, by far. Jolly good.

It's both funny and sad how eggy so many people get by someone making life good for their children. What an interesting world we live in.

Oh and the issue is not reading aloud but reading ALOUD. What part of We. Really. Really. Do. Not. Want. To. Have. To. Be. Subjected. To. This. do you not understand? Hmm?

Selfish people with no regard for others = people who in your opinion talk too loudly in a public place. Clue is in the name. Learn a bit of tolerance for behaviour that in no way meets the definition of antisocial and you'll find the world a happier place.

Eggy?

@longestlurkerever - it's not the reading aloud that's the problem here - it's doing it at such a loud, showing-off volume that no-one in the vicinity can escape it. It's the volume and thoughtlessness, not the fact that it is a parent reading to their child.

It would be just as annoying and unacceptable if it was an adult having a phone conversation at mega-volume.

I don't think anyone is saying parents shouldn't read to their child in public - they are just saying do it at a considerate volume, just as everyone else should be being considerate of people around them too!