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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About this mum in the coffee shop

826 replies

Sallygoroundthemoon · 10/08/2017 11:54

I am currently in a coffee shop having a nice cup of tea and catching up on my emails. It is fairly buzzing with chat and so on but not the sort of place with thumping music if you see what I mean. All good and to be expected in a coffee shop. However, there is a mum the other side of the shop reading stories to her toddler at the top of her voice, complete with pauses and shouts to make the toddler jump, silly voices and so on.

Now I am all one for reading to little ones and am not adverse to silly voices but AIBU to think that a nice coffee shop is not the place to be doing this so loudly? I've now heard the same story several times and it is driving me up the wall, not to mention being on edge waiting for the dramatic shouts. It just reeks of 'look at me, I'm a parent don't you know and I don't give a shit about anyone else'.

OP posts:

eulmh · 12/08/2017 13:20

I get it and I don't like it. But when my daughter indicates we need to sing wind the bobbin up in the doctors surgery else she'll scream I do it! I sing as quietly as is humanly possible practically whisper it but I hope nobody is there thinking I'm performance parenting. If it helps I bollock them in public too ;)

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 12/08/2017 13:56

How do you distinguish between her type and PP?

Let's count the red cars.....fine
AREN'T YOU SOOO CLEVER COUNTING LIKE A 5 YEAR OLD WHEN YOU'RE ONLY 3.....not fine.

longestlurkerever · 12/08/2017 15:05

Well the woman the OP saw wasn't doing any of that. She was just being loud and dramatic apparently. Asking children to point out colours and read signs etc when you're out and about is what is recommended by nursery teachers. I probably also say well done or clever girl when she does it. I have no idea if I do it loud enough to be annoying. Meh.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 12/08/2017 15:40

She wasn't just being loud and dramatic. She was shrieking.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 12/08/2017 16:30

Well I said good boy and girl to mine too this is getting tedious now. There are people who shreik and show off in public if you haven't seen any fair enough but they do exist.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 12/08/2017 16:39

And I didn't say counting etc was wrong, we all do that! Someone asked for an example,I gave one. The thread has moved on from the op.

Neutrogena · 12/08/2017 16:42

@eulmh

If it helps I bollock them in public too ;)

Thats performance parenting right there. Showing the world how strict and no nonsense you are.

longestlurkerever · 12/08/2017 16:45

I just mentioned it because people asked how you tell the difference and some people said it wasn't about volume but about content and other people said it wasn't about content it was about volume.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 12/08/2017 17:00

I think its an attitude thing, its quite subtle. People who take over spaces like they are the only ones who matter type thing. It's something you need to see for yourself I suppose.

PegLegAntoine · 12/08/2017 17:09

Not fully caught up on thread yet but:

Why do children have to be read to when they're out?
Surely it's just as educational for them to absorb what's happening around them and to take notice of their surroundings and to learn how to be 'still'.
Why do they have to be 'distracted' all the time? What are you trying to distract them from?

I love that. Constant interaction isn't all it's cracked up to be I think. Chat is great but there's also a lot to be said for letting your mind wander, even as a little child. :)

YouTheCat · 12/08/2017 17:12

My mind constantly wanders. Sometimes it comes back.

BlurryFace · 12/08/2017 17:19

I used to performance parent a bit when in the grips off PND, I think I was so worried people could see I was a FAILURE as a parent that I needed to hide it. It is annoying though. I sing and talk about whatever random shite but I do it at a normal/quiet volume.

PegLegAntoine · 12/08/2017 18:07

Youthecat :o

Neoflex · 12/08/2017 19:29

If you see a crazy woman running down the street pretending to be a chicken please forgive me I'm not performance parenting I'm just loving life on a sugar high
But seriously I used to be a child's entertainer and I know all the stupid voices, dances, animal impressions. Not letting my professional training go to waste. But you can tell the difference. I don't care what others think because I spent a year humiliating myself in front of other kids parents. No need or desire to impress complete strangers in a coffee shop by pretending to be a fun mum.

Shockers · 13/08/2017 08:43

There's a dad camping next to us. He's driving everyone mad with his constant loud exclamations of how clever his daughter is... she also gets rounds of applause (at 11pm) from the rest of the family (they're a two tent bunch).

Yesterday, the entire site learnt about what an amazing swimmer she is because he tells her everything she's doing. "You're doing a second lap, xxxx!"

Then back at the tent "You're putting your socks on, xxxx!"

She's 8 and has no discernible sn. He's just told her how clever she is at playing poker...

His voice sounds like Gordon Brittas and he has a walkie talkie. He says, "over" frequently when using it.

Thank you for allowing me to vent!

KERALA1 · 13/08/2017 09:05

Remember my first train trip with dd aged about 3. "Look darling can you see the sheep? And the cows? Etc etc

Dd listened politely for abit then said can you be quiet now please mummy and looked out of the window.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 13/08/2017 15:17

I call it conspicuous parenting and it drives me nuts. One of the worst examples was at a stately home with a kitchen garden of heirloom vegetables and the like. We couldn't hear the guide over the Proud Daddy conspicuously parenting. If anyone knows of a plant (not nettle) that was used to provide rennet in the C18th or thereabouts please do let me know. I never did hear.

TeamCersei · 13/08/2017 15:38

Yesterday, the entire site learnt about what an amazing swimmer she is because he tells her everything she's doing. "You're doing a second lap, xxxx!"
Then back at the tent "You're putting your socks on, xxxx!"
She's 8 and has no discernible sn. He's just told her how clever she is at playing poker...
His voice sounds like Gordon Brittas and he has a walkie talkie. He says, "over" frequently when using it.
Thank you for allowing me to vent!

Shockers
Next time he says Your'e doing.......
Can't you shout out No shit! or something similar.
Wait until it's really late and all the tents are zipped up. He'll never know which tent it's coming from.

(half of the fun of camping is shouting stuff out) being immature

Neutrogena · 13/08/2017 19:10

Or just ignore him ! That's even more fun

MaisyPops · 13/08/2017 20:31

Been travelling on holiday today.

So far I've seen...

parents talking to children in the airport
children on tablets on the flight (all but 1 very considerate)
some lovely chatter on a table nearby when a parent was teaching their child to order in the country's langauge
parents pointing things out to their kids

And you know what... they managed to do it without performance parenting! It was lovely.

Felt like it needed sharing to point out to the whingey 'but we can't do anything right. People hate interaction with children' as a few amazing examples of how it's possible to be engaging without being an inconsiderate pain in the arse.

daffodil10 · 13/08/2017 22:17

We went to a national trust place today, I'm NT must bring out the worst in performance parenters. They were out in force today " oh Tarquin which artist is this painting by, come on you were so good at this when we visited the musee national Rodin last week as part of our 1st educational trip of the holidays. " and yes he did say 1st trip just so we would all realise there was going to be more than 1.

Goldenbear · 13/08/2017 22:23

What's wrong with pointing out their first trip- isn't it just a descriptive reference? Were they really named Tarquin?

Goldenbear · 13/08/2017 22:28

I've also been to an NT place today and this Dad or male relative really annoyed me as his son about 8-9 got injured on the shin and was humiliated by the Dad for crying. He wouldn't comfort him at all even when he cried, 'dad, it really hurts'. His response was to mock him with, 'shall we give you a wee cuddle?' i stared hard at this so-called Dad for his performance parenting.

AvoidingCallenetics · 13/08/2017 22:33

That's not a descriptive reference. Who would actually say that? The child knows what trip he is referring to - it was clearly for the benefit of the room.

Goldenbear · 13/08/2017 22:35

What? I disagree, not everyone thinks they're being listened to or even eavesdropped on.

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