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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my child straight down to the police station

138 replies

candymad · 10/08/2017 08:42

My 14yo daughter came home from meeting a friend last night with a suspiciously heavy bag. I opened it and found a large number of unused nitrous oxide canisters.
Would I be unreasonable to take her to the police station to get rid of all the canisters and to explain to them where they've come from?

OP posts:
TestTubeTeen · 11/08/2017 17:45

The police will act if she is selling it, it is illegal to sell it.

No, I would not immediately ensure that my 14 year old picked up a record that could affect her Uni entrance, prevent her going to the U.S or getting her first job. And destroying my relationship with her.

Find another way to deal with it.

But she does need to know the consequences. If you found it, other parents will find it. If another parent finds that your Dd sold it, all the above consequences will apply.

Original poster
candymad · 11/08/2017 17:57

Op here. things have calmed down a bit at home. Child was given the canisters by a would be boyfriend who had just picked them up from somewhere else. He was worried his parents would find them so gave them to my daughter for hold for the night before a party.
I didn't think she was savvy enough to be selling them and the story kind of makes sense, she is daft enough to do silly favours.
She has been grounded and all social media removed, which is good as she's now back to her lovely self rather than being Snapchat obsessed.
We went through all the potential consequences which have really knocked some sense into her I hope. So thanks for all the advice.
We're off on holiday now so there is time for her to distance herself from this group.

OP posts:
Mummaofboys · 11/08/2017 17:58

I would take her, she needs to know how serious this is and how angry you are, if you let it go you might end up with bigger problems down the line, she us only 14 so she won't get into that much trouble they will give her a good talking too I would expect.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 11/08/2017 17:58

You need to find our what is going on. Is she selling it? Using it with friends? Someone could be pressuring her to 'mind' it. You need more info before deciding how to proceed.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 11/08/2017 18:00

100 cannisters? How big are they? Confused

p51642 · 11/08/2017 18:01

holidays are a great help to help your children distance themselves from groups, from experience there would be groups of people I would hang around with allllllllllllllllll the time but once I'd been on holiday and missed 10days of the action I'd go to another group I knew and hang around with them, same happened with a lot of my friends. friends come and go at that age, keep them occupied with days out and go visit relatives who live far away for a week after

farfarawayfromhome · 11/08/2017 18:04

Please don't do this. My best friends parents didnthis when we were 14 because they found a very small amount of weed in her room. She never forgave them and now aged 41 still doesn't speak to them.

Notreallyarsed · 11/08/2017 18:05

I might be going against the grain here OP, but I think that it all depends on how she reacted when you found them. You've put consequences in place (rightly) and removed them, and told her to distance herself from those using them. All good.
If she sees how serious it potentially could have been, I wouldn't take her to the police.
If she doesn't understand/finds it funny I would take her iyswim.

Viviennemary · 11/08/2017 18:07

I don't think I'd report her to the police this time. She may end up with a criminal record if it's illegal to possess that many of these cans. Where has she got them. That's what I'd want to know. Read her the riot act and threaten next time police.

jessebuni · 11/08/2017 18:10

I would give her one more chance with the talking to and punishments at home before involving the police. But honestly if you've tried repeatly at home and had no luck then it would be better to take her to the police now and have her being cautioned or with a minor charge than leave it in case it continues. Better for her to explain a few bad choices as a 14 year old than to be 18 or over and end up with serious charges.

LouLouLove · 11/08/2017 18:12

i am not sure its actually illegal though is it? You can buy them on Amazon!

Roversandrhodes · 11/08/2017 18:12

No don't take her to the police station .Youre not unreasonable to want too but it could have a lasting impact on her life in a negative way .She does need serious effective punishment though

LouLouLove · 11/08/2017 18:15

not saying its a good thing btw, just didn't think it was necessary illegal therefore needing police involvement.

ArchibaldsDaddy · 11/08/2017 18:17

Erm....not the police station! A severe bollocking and some education will achieve the required outcome without endangering her future...

REBECCAB123 · 11/08/2017 18:20

I wouldn't involve the police but deal with it at home.

Pollyanna9 · 11/08/2017 18:38

No offence meant but I'm just going to come out and say it:

Fucking TWATS that keep saying 'it's harmless blah blah blah' Grow the FUCK UP.

PPs have referenced Frank, yeah?

Here you go: What are the risks of nitrous oxide? Nitrous oxide can cause dizziness or affect your judgement, which might make you act carelessly or dangerously and put you at risk of hurting yourself, particularly in an unsafe environment [it's not just about the drug itself for crying out loud] ^Other risks include:
• Unconsciousness or death from lack of oxygen. This occurs when the available oxygen for breathing is effectively pushed out by the nitrous oxide. The risk is greater if the gas is consumed in an enclosed space or if a plastic bag is used that covers both nose and mouth. Heavy regular use of nitrous oxide can lead to deficiency of vitamin B12 and to a form of anaemia. The severe B12 deficiency can lead to serious nerve damage in some cases, which causes tingling and numbness n the fingers and toes and other extremities, and even difficulties with walking and pains in affected areas. Regular use may also depress formation of white blood cells.
It can be hard to judge the amount to use safely. If you have too much you can end up fainting, having an accident or much worse.
Severe vitamin B deficiency can develop with heavy, regular use of nitrous oxide. This can cause serious nerve damage, which leads to tingling and numbness in the fingers, toes and other extremities, and even difficulties with walking and tpains in the affected areas. Mixing nitrous oxide with alcohol is especially dangerous as it can increase the risks associated with both substances and can lead to an increased risk of accidents or death^

Get a bloody reality check those that keep downplaying how effing dangerous drugs are - usually it's how 'harmless' cannabis is. Fuck sakes, it's NOT ok to have and use this stuff.

cheapskatemum · 11/08/2017 18:39

LouLou it's not illegal to inhale them, but as there were so many, it might look like she was dealing, which is illegal.

Beeziekn33ze · 11/08/2017 18:39

The 'would be boyfriend' gave them to your DD to hold for him as he was worried his DPs would find them? Make sure that they find out what he did, they deserve to know and, in a different way, the young hero deserves for his DPs to know what he's up to.

HipsterHunter · 11/08/2017 18:39

100 canisters. I'd ring FRANK and talk to an adviser

100 canisters is nothing.

10 people, 10 balloons each.

sandelf · 11/08/2017 18:41

YANBU - This needs to stop. You have done 'reasonable'. Link to Frank with info www.talktofrank.com/drug/nitrous-oxide

HipsterHunter · 11/08/2017 18:42

@Pollyanna9 if you inhale from a balloon, whilst sitting or lying down is it virtually impossible to hurt yourself.

However, that isn't to say I don;'t think the long term impacts on the old brain cells and other physiological problems aren't super sever.

NOS is one of the 'deepest' places you can go, similar to Ket. Not a baby drug.

One good thing is that most teenagers think 'laughing gas' makes yo laugh and don't actually do it properly. Small mercies.

HipsterHunter · 11/08/2017 18:42

@AwaywiththePixies27 about the size of your little finger

HipsterHunter · 11/08/2017 18:43

Would I be unreasonable to take her to the police station to get rid of all the canisters and to explain to them where they've come from?

You would becase getting her a criminal record which could protentialy totally fuck up her life and destroy your relationship wiht her doesn;t seem like the smartest way to deal with this.

Grounding.
Cut off money.
Drugs counselling if you can pay.

All good.

Don't take her to the police.

mumindoghouse · 11/08/2017 18:45

I understand that you get a few seconds high per canister so 100 might not be as worrying as at first blush.

HipsterHunter · 11/08/2017 18:45

Do it! I work in a young offenders. Do it know before it escalates.

Fucking LOL

The main determinant in kids ending up in Youth Offenders is having had a god awful home life.