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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my child straight down to the police station

138 replies

candymad · 10/08/2017 08:42

My 14yo daughter came home from meeting a friend last night with a suspiciously heavy bag. I opened it and found a large number of unused nitrous oxide canisters.
Would I be unreasonable to take her to the police station to get rid of all the canisters and to explain to them where they've come from?

OP posts:

Blondefancy · 10/08/2017 10:11

Yeah Nitrous Oxide are the cannisters used in squirty cream dispensers. Anyone can buy them online, infanct you can buy them off of Amazon 😂 Aanyway they are legal to have although not to consume/intent to supply. Although police tend to look the other way when it comes to them. At festivals for instance there's loads of them lying about & people taking them but police/security take no notice alot of the time. IME. Not sure if police would take notice with no proof they are consuming or supplying 🤔

FluffyWhiteSlippers · 10/08/2017 10:21

If you take her to the police, you shut down all future lines of communication and you can kiss goodbye to her ever trusting you again.

SkyWalker95 · 10/08/2017 10:25

You know they could have just been shooting BB or paint ball guns.... They aren't illegal. Hell they could have just been making cakes.

AskBasil · 10/08/2017 10:25

I wouldn't because you don't know what the outcome will be.

She may get a caution which will impact her long term but not actually inconvenience her very much in the short term, thus giving her the message that it's no big deal.

She may conclude that involvement with the police is not nearly as scary and terrible as she was led to believe and that is a far more dangerous attitude for her to have, than to keep the police as a nuclear option.

viques · 10/08/2017 10:35

You need to talk to her. It sounds as though she might be holding them for someone. If she proves to be a reliable "holder" , I am sure there is a technical /street term, then she is likely to be asked to look after other things, skunk, knives,cocaine, even guns.......who knows, not me, or you, but people who deal in illegal street stuff have no qualms about using young naive kids to hang onto things for them, a bit like drug mules on planes.

ElsieMc · 10/08/2017 10:39

I second the risk of death is very real. A local girl was found dead in her bedroom and she was just fifteen years old. Imagine if it had been your dd or she had been the supplier. She will move on from this to something else and she needs help.

Collaborate · 10/08/2017 10:41

I don't know. It's illegal to supply NI - what kind of career does she want to have? If she's prosecuted she may have her career aspirations irreparably harmed. Even a caution would be disclosable depending on the job.

Syc4moreTrees · 10/08/2017 10:49

I wouldn't report her to the police, just dispose of them and speak to her. I wouldn't risk her future by allowing her to get a record.

Tulips2lips · 10/08/2017 11:00

I'd be hesitant about going to the police as with that many she looks to be in this pretty deep at first glance. If she had just a handful then maybe.

If she is going away with a group to festival then I guess it could be the groups supply that she is looking after. But that is a generous view.

Maybe the chat should involve the options that you have, one of which could be going to the police. One of the options should not be selling them on eBay

Nofunkingworriesmate · 10/08/2017 11:04

School needs to be informed
There have been deaths
How would you feel if your daughter was the supplier to a child who died!!!!!

heliumrising · 10/08/2017 11:08

IIWM I would want to know who DD is associating with in connection with these items, is she a user and how is the money flowing - is she in debt to anyone?

I can understand how concerned you are, but be aware that suppliers are very manipulative and use naive or vulnerable people quite easily. IME going the police would be heavy-handed since a caution goes on record. As pp say DD would not be in inclined to trust you with anything else if you did that first off.

DS was into weed for several years and I always kept a dialogue going with him, and never reported him to the police. He managed to get himself cautioned all by himself.

NannyRed · 10/08/2017 11:38

Time to pull your big girl pants on and do some serious parenting. It's not going to be fun having a stroppy teen who has been grounded, had her phone/tablet/laptop confiscated and all other privileges taken away, but so much better than her being arrested for dealing drugs. If you let this one slide who knows where she will end up.
Best of luck, I think you're going to need it.

Minkyfluffster · 10/08/2017 11:42

I would freeze her funds, take her mobile, ground her and confiscate them.

There is nothing that she can say that could prevent the above from happening. Then get her talking, you could threaten with the police , she doesn't need to know that they probably won't be interested. Scare the living daylights out of her.

pongoismyhero · 10/08/2017 11:56

I'm actually shocked by how many parents are hand wringing worried about their little darlings potential careers or whatever being damaged as a consequence of actual criminal behaviour.

Reminds me of the parents of the little oik who assaulted my sister - his parents raged and ranted against the fact we went to the police because it "would harm his career" - he was planning on applying for medicine.

I did not feel sympathy.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 10/08/2017 11:58

How about, instead of the police, you take her to a criminal defence solicitor who can explain exactly what the consequences would be if she were caught.
I'm very much against parents taking their kids to the police. Once you hand them over, the wheels of justice are in motion and it can easily escalate way past what you intended.
More than this: young people who are arrested need to have a "appropriate adult" with them when they are interviewed. Supposedly to ensure their welfare. Parents are generally pressed into this role. How can you possibly stand up for her welfare in a situation you placed her in?

Maelstrop · 10/08/2017 12:04

Police no longer give clips round the ear or box off by having serious words. You can't now be shoved in a cell to be tiaught a lesson. They have to write it up and follow through, it's called a sanctioned detection. Be wary of taking her to the station because she may not just get a caution.

PumbletonWakeshaft · 10/08/2017 12:25

OP you have a huge task on your hands here, as this is clearly not just "normal" teenage experimentation.

I have worked in alternative education provision for years with excluded teens, often who have huge drug problems. We have regular training from our local drugs prevention agency who advise that the biggest problem is not getting kids off drugs, it's the relapsing as soon as they get back in contact with their social group. This is your biggest challenge as a parent.

It's worth bearing in mind that adult dealers will often provide houses for young people to have unsupervised parties in, to get them all using/dealing, making them think they can trust the adult, who gets them to bring their friends and siblings along too. Therefore they are fostering not only the supply chain, but also "normalising" dealing as an occupation for life. This is why making police aware of local networks is so important, as they are then in a position to tackle the adult.

Huge luck to you and your family OP.

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh · 10/08/2017 12:31

100 cannisters isn't a massive amount to be honest. Are they full or empty?

This is all a classic massive MN overreaction thing.

I wouldn't be thrilled but I definately wouldn't be down the police station. A silly response almost on parr as my teenager friend's Dad who turned up to a pharmacy with a block of weed that he'd found

turnaroundbrighteyes · 10/08/2017 13:19

Just to correct a few on here a caution as a child does not stay on your record for life in the same way as an adult one does. In fact, if she's lucky she'd get sent on a final warning programme and learn about the long term consequences (criminal record, job, insurance, travel, name in paper, etc) if she continued down this path and was arrested for possession / intent to supply along with support on how to deal with peer pressure and make positive changes to her life.

WunWun · 10/08/2017 13:23

I think it would be really fucking stupid to potentially give your child a criminal record to stop them taking drugs. You'd also do some serious damage to your relationship with her.

LittleBooInABox · 10/08/2017 13:54

Do it! I work in a young offenders. Do it know before it escalates.

Craigie · 11/08/2017 17:27

You would be totally unreasonable if you didn't take her to the police.

Mombie87 · 11/08/2017 17:37

I'm torn as a mum.
How would she feel if one of those canisters she gave to someone ended up killing them? A girl I went to school with died by choking on her vomit using them (with other substances).
Going to the police could end up with a black mark to follow her for life and we all make mistakes when we are young and she is very young still. You still need help and support with this. Ring FRANK and get advice. Harsh punishment at home to start and make her friends parents aware. Did she say why she had so many? Where did she get that amount from?

SomethingOnce · 11/08/2017 17:37

I'm going to go against the flow here.

YABVU.

(I suspect the OP is the errant youth, btw.)

SomethingOnce · 11/08/2017 17:38

(Or the Fail.)

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