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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what has gone wrong in the UK

551 replies

Mumof56 · 10/08/2017 01:29

I'm talking about the latest sex grooming case in Newcastle. It's the seventh large scale sex gang scandal to hit the UK after cases from towns including Rotherham, Rochdale, Oxford and Bristol

I have seen nothing on mumsnet about this (although maybe I've missed it). This is shocking and outrageous. How has this been allowed to happen in so many areas? What is the solution?

This is "rape culture". Where are the (peaceful) protests and the show of support for these girls?

OP posts:
Shadow666 · 10/08/2017 12:01

I agree, more education for both men and women. That video the police made likening consent to making a cup of tea was great, I thought. Really clear for both men and women. I don't necessarily mean for women committing crimes but a lot of victims of sexual assault sadly don't seem to understand that what happened to them was rape.

BeyondQueenOfLists · 10/08/2017 12:02

Yy noble. At the very far end of the scale, think of all the parents saying "no you can't have sweets" who then buy them. Nice early lesson that no means maybe/okay.

Lloyd45 · 10/08/2017 12:04

We should teach boys to respect women and their freedom, from every culture. Every woman should be provided with free birth control.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 10/08/2017 12:08

That's all I found noble I can't say I'm especially shocked or surprised by the statistics.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 10/08/2017 12:09

Beyond I'm assuming you're being sarcastic with that link?

BeyondQueenOfLists · 10/08/2017 12:10

Moi? Sarcastic? Shock

Dickwad12 · 10/08/2017 12:31

I do think there is an issue in some circumstances where the police ignored the gangs due to fear of racism accusations. However this has been going on for a long time & largely it's because society thinks these woman are worthless, deserve it, etc. I would like to see more condemnation towards the police & social services etc when cases come out as they have to stop turning the other cheek.

Depressingly I have a friend in the police & she has told me that if she was raped she would be very unlikely to report it/press charges. She would report it, if attacked by a stranger etc but not in circumstances where she knows the perp, being drinking etc. Most cases involve people known to the victims.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/08/2017 12:36

Reading some of these posts you'd almost think the Jay Report had never happened - or perhaps that some think it's all gone away now Sad

Dickwad12 · 10/08/2017 12:36

Also I think society sends out very mixed messages particularly to children. Look at the reporting of the young girl kidnapped recently. Why was the story accompanied by pics of a girl tied up, why are there loads of pics of the victim in her underwear, posing etc?

Then on social media some celeb will pose half naked saying it's their right (which it is) but it seems to be always for the male gaze. Yet if a girl at school poses like the celeb they will be called a slag etc.

Helendee · 10/08/2017 12:43

Very good point noblegiraffe.

samtop17 · 10/08/2017 12:46

Unfortunately, there is a certain culture and religion in British society that believe it is acceptable to rape and groom, mostly 'white' girls. Let's say it as it is and not beat around the bush! This community is aware that this is going on, but because it is acceptable to them they cover it up. Hence, the reason we have so many grooming gangs. The women in this particular community often are in arranged marriages and don't have a great problem with their husbands sleeping with other women as long as it is not one of their community. This problem will never be tackled because the police and social services are too afraid of being called 'rayyycciisstt' and the communities themselves won't report it because it is acceptable to them and if the people go out onto the streets and protest they are stopped because it is 'rayyyyycciisstttt'.

Lloyd45 · 10/08/2017 12:50

I agree, talk about stick your head in the sand

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 10/08/2017 12:54

Beyond Grin phew I was about to wrestle the Kool Aid off you then Wink

Gonegonegone · 10/08/2017 12:59

Bad I do agree in many cases they just don't care about women and use us and gaslight us.

But I also think there are the young lads who are reasonably decent in other ways, who appear to respect their mums and sisters but whose only sex ed (or consent ed) is other lads and porn. While rape is an evil thing to do not all rapists are evil men, but it makes no difference either way because the harm they cause is the same and they beat the same guilt and deserve the same punishment. And on top of that is all the lads who don't rape but excuse others who do, laugh at rape jokes, talk about girls asking for it, slut shame and so on. They are no doubt nice to their mothers and grandmothers and would loose the plot if their sister was abducted and raped by a violent stranger but they would never see how their behaviour encourages that and they are responsible for rape culture also.

PerpetualStudent · 10/08/2017 13:03

Sam it's spelt 'racist', and it sounds like a word you need to learn

Lloyd45 · 10/08/2017 13:07

Rape is about control more than sex if women think they will be raped if they go out alone or dress a certain way, they will start dressing differently and will only leave the house with a male escort

noblegiraffe · 10/08/2017 13:08

Talking about slut-shaming, I'm a secondary teacher and was sat in my classroom at lunchtime. A group of usually sensible girls were in there and their conversation turned to a girl they didn't like (who wasn't there) and her sex life. Bloody hell it was horrible. I intervened and they basically shrugged and said 'she shouldn't be a such a slag then'.

Dickwad12 · 10/08/2017 13:08

I agree with you Gone. I have heard plenty of nice, educated males slut shame etc but they would never ever equate themselves with a rapist.

It's like when people use prostitutes but do not believe that woman are trafficked into it (not saying all prostitutes) or that just looking at child pornography is more acceptable even though a child was harmed in that process.

CockacidalManiac · 10/08/2017 13:09

Unfortunately, there is a certain culture and religion in British society that believe it is acceptable to rape and groom, mostly 'white' girls. Let's say it as it is and not beat around the bush

Go on, fucking say it then. Because you appear to be 'beating about the bush' yourself. Unless you don't have the courage of your convictions? And less of the sub-Littlejohn spelling of 'racist'. It makes you look very foolish.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/08/2017 13:13

Not quite, samtop17 ... there may sometimes be cultural acceptances of rape when it's carried out against those considered "less worthy", but unless I've missed something I don't think any religion actually condones it?

Dickwad12 · 10/08/2017 13:13

A lot of woman do slut shame, or when they discover their partner has cheated they blame the other woman more so than the man. As if they couldn't help themselves 😒

Gonegonegone · 10/08/2017 13:17

It really bothers me on these threads where we have the women are sex offenders to rhetoric.

They are, and like I already said I know this first hand. I even think it's like there are more than the 2% stat we have as there are different patterns with female offenders and different reasons for their victims not coming forwards. In survivor support groups online and in real life a surprising number of us had been victims of female offenders, and often not the a man is making her type either. But I still expect it's by far the minority and only specific patterns (not that that makes it ok, but it does mean we can risk assess that there are not an equal proportion of women drugging our drinks or following us home in the dark). From the very minimal research on female offenders it appears to mostly be carers of some type abusing children or within lesbian relationships. And even within unreplicated studies it appears to be considerably less than male offenders.

It does bother me greatly that my experience at the hands of a woman is mostly ignored by society. But it equally bothers me that it is used on discussions like these to dismiss male violence by shouting about how females are sex offenders too. Male pattern violence is termed that for a reason.

Gonegonegone · 10/08/2017 13:21

Yes females slut shame and so on too. We are socialised into mysogyny also, we have to fight against that social conditioning also. But I don't think women have much influence on whether men rape or not, I do think fellow males do have influence over some and that it's their responsibility to challenge that. And they will only do so if they are being brought up by parents actively teaching them not to rape and to challenge rape culture.

TheVanguardSix · 10/08/2017 13:21

The internet has made us more aware of an ongoing problem ( since time immemorial, as one poster wrote and this is sadly the truth).

The internet has also given these dangerous men and women chutzpah/confidence/strength and safety in numbers by finding their kind online and networking.

To be born into this world a vulnerable child without a supportive community is just utter shit.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 10/08/2017 13:22

Can we just remind ourselves that one investigation confirmed that fear of racism was an issue. And it's not the one in the OP. Please let's centre this conversation around the real problem - men - without jumping up and down because it gives us a free pass to moan about immigrants and political correctness