To think I'm not actually ungrateful.

[AragornsManlyStubble]

Ok, my birthday was a week ago. My 29th, so nothing spectacular. DP and I also have 10 week old DS and my 3 from a previous marriage so money is tightish but he's had time to plan. He got me two candles. Now I love candles, but these ones were £3 ones from Morrisons. The grand total of £6. He grabbed the first two he could find on his lunch break. My present last year was a necklace ( which despite having one I'd worn since I was 16 I haven't taken off since.) It cost around £7. I spent nearly £300 last year on a watch and a game for him because we were shopping and that's what he wanted. Am I ungrateful to feel let down? He's currently sulking in the living room because I've made him feel bad apparently.

You bought him a Liverpool poster? How old is he, 12?

Seriously, I can't help thinking you are massively enabling this bad behaviour. I totally agree with you about the presents being completely rubbish and thoughtless - and the sulking is worse. He sounds like the most awful, disorganised man-child, and I have to wonder if this is reflected in the division of labour in your household.

There are men who are not like this, and you deserve one of them!

He's inconsiderate.
He's sulking because he knows he's done wrong.
Don't buy him expensive gifts in future.

"I think it's just more that he's rather spend money on other things."

No, he'd rather spend HIS money on other things, he has no problem spending YOUR money on a fancy watch for himself.

If £300 is nearly a month's wages for you, how are you affording tI take him away for a few days, pay your rent/mortgage and feed yourself while buying £300 presents?

You should give budgeting classes. I'd pay you to learn those skills.

well for christmas, make sure you toss a couple of bags of chocolate coins in the basket for his present.

Seriously, he's happy for you to spend £300 on him, and to think it's reciprocal to spend £6 on you? Hmmmm...

He loves Liverpool FC. It's his one actual item that is solely his not shared in the house (other than the tv and his clothes, he doesn't have a lot of stuff) Sounds silly I know, but it's just what he likes.

It's the thought that counts, you like your presents, why does the price tag matter

It's the thought that counts, you like your presents, why does the price tag matter

As explained above, no longer planning to go away as unexpected bills have to be paid. I work because I want to, although the benefits I receive for caring for my little boy are enough to afford my half of rent etc.

Keep the candles...........re-gift them on his birthday!

Nelly, it wasn't the price tag. It was just the lack of thought.

Heebie. Already burnt one! Maybe just one will be enough!

Did he get you a card, and actually write you a nice message in it? Or do anything nice for you during the day?

The amount he spent isn't the biggest issue, his lack of thought is. For £10 he could've got you a Kenneth Turner candle set (reduced from £40!) or for £8 he could've got you a Bahoma candle (RRP £27). He doesn't give a hoot about you

I could not stay with someone who put so little effort into the relationship.

^Whoops. Meant to say from TK Maxx

I've always gone by the adage that a good present has 2 out of 3 things involved: expense, effort, imagination. A great present has all 3. I suppose in situations like these, you could claim that even a half-decent present would have one.

Perhaps write this down and hand it to your sulker, tell him you're surprised he got to his age without being taught it. If he enjoys good presents, he'd better bone up on how it's done as well.

I used to get this all the time from my XH (note X) One year he demanded (and ordered for himself) a fancy new bike - v expensive. For my birthday I got a box of chocs from the corner shop and a card bought that morning from same shop which had happy anniversary in it (hastily crossed out because he didn;t realise it was the wrong card). This was all because 'Your birthday is too near Christmas (13th Dec) for you to get a big present.

Lazy wankers the lot of them - can't stand these men who make people feel shit on their birthday - it's not about the money , or feeling ungrateful its about double standards and being made to feel you are not worth any kind of thought or effort. And it's not really about 'go out and buy yourself something expensive' it's about being made to feel special on one day of the year.

To be fair, yes he did do the card.

Maybe I'am just a grumpy princess because my mother has been taken on an amazing holiday by her partner and swimming with dolphins on her birthday while they're away. He planned and paid for it months ago. I'am a touch jealous.

And I keep having to look at the photos on FB.

Ah, don't compare yourself to your mother. I'm presuming she doesn't have a new baby and other children to look after and has just moved house. 2 different sets of priorities at 2 different stages of life.

That was tongue in cheek. Amazing as it is, that holiday is not my cup of tea!

it is a little bit about the money though: say he'd gone to the supermarket and bought you champagne, flowers, chocolates and cooked you a nice dinner/got one of those takeout ready meal sets? But he not only thoughtlessly got a present from a supermarket he was at anyway, he cheapskated it.

Are the candles even ones you'd buy yourself?

May I swap your candles for the unwrapped bag of six Thorntons chocolates my DH once got me for my birthday, OP?

In general no, I wouldn't choose them. I'm a teeny bit particular over scents, unless you smell them personally you don't know if you like them or if they might give you a head ache.

Liz, I'll swap 3 for the one candle I have left?!

You need to have an honest conversation about personal gifts " now the family is getting bigger" ( by way of a very generous conversation opener).
If in the past you have always made a big effort with gifts, and the thoughtfulness has been reciprocated...then with one toddler and a 10 week old I could see how life is very chaotic and with the best will in the world this years gift is the equivalent of garage flowers on mothers day.

However- if the situation has always been you've gone the extra mile for him, and he hasn't for you, and you've accepted it because of his otherwise exemplary husbandry-ness...you might expect him to be shocked that you weren't delighted with this years offering. TBH, In my experience most men tend to be very literal...if you say "nothing is wrong"...they believe it. If you say " What a lovely gift...I love candles" you will get any old crappy candles every year til you tell them to stop.
If you have always put a lot of thought effort and expense into providing a thoughtful personal gift for him....and he does not for you, tell him how much it upsets you..if it is important to you...it should be important to him to make the same effort...even if it means you 'helping' him with a special shopping trip together before the event to point out specific things you like- that way your gift is a surprise...but it will be one of the things you picked out.
Being crap at presents is not the same as being a crap partner...but it sure feels like it on your birthday. Tell him a thoughtless gift isn't special enough for you on your one special day of the year. Don't dredge up a list of crap presents from the past or that they arrived after your birthday ( or not at all after payday came and went). Give him the chance to make amends...and keep the channels of communication open. It isnt the cost...it's the effort put in.
Dont dwell on it for months then glower next year when you get another shit offering. Be proactive. Even browse the internet together...close enough to your birthday and be obvious- I'd love that xxx candle for my birthday...those xxx are the ones I use..the others I dont like" etc( my husband got 'hints' all year round...but then never remembered any of them so ended up asking me the night before my birthday what I wanted then ordering it on line...not very special moments)
Hopefully you'll get him trained and all will be well.
Not time to call the solicitors in just yet !
Good luck.