I'm American.
2 in the morning, lying on my couch bawling. I can't stop. It's bewildering really and I'm laughing at myself a bit but I can't stop. I never panic, ever.
What the fuck have we done? Just what the actual fuck have we done? I live in a blue state. I vote Democrat. I thought I did all I could to stop that incompetent, dangerous buffoon from being voted in but did I really?
A crazy part of me wants to wake my three kids up, move them all to our bed. They're 10 and 4 and 2. I just read an article about survivors of the Japanese bombings, about a mother digging her terrified little girl out of the rubble. Could I do that without going insane? Do we deserve this somehow as a country because we did it first?
I live in a blue state but a red part. I want to go knock on all the doors around me and ask them what the fuck they were thinking, even though their vote didn't really matter in the end.
My best friend suffers with terrible anxiety and was messaging me, panicking. I told her we would be okay. That Kim is nuts but not nuts like that. That we are going to just do what we've always done. Breathe in and out. Make sure my son's field trip shirt is clean for tomorrow. Pay the electric bill. Put in another load of laundry. What the fuck else can we do, I guess?
I'm being ridiculous and dramatic, probably. Plus I seem to have drunk far more wine than I meant to, which never helps in circumstances like this.
But still, I can't stop crying.