Is this accepted now? Young children and electronics on public transport.

[AnneGrommit]

The last few times I've been on a train (not in quiet coach) and quite often on the bus I've had my peace disturbed by toddlers with phones/tablets either playing noisy games on them or watching programmes. When I've asked parents to rein them in I've been invariably met with either passive aggressive remarks about not liking children (I have three myself) or outright hostility and a statement along the lines of "it keeps them quiet". No, it doesn't. It stops them from pestering you but it's far from quiet. AIBU or is this an accepted "thing" now? Because it's fucking annoying.

Hmm quite frankly I think that the idea that doing stuff on a tablet is in any way comparable to doing stuff in real life is a nonsense.

I have two lego mad boys 12 years apart. The youngest one is less of a whizz than the eldest one because he plays less. But I have definitely noticed at lego workshops and the like that my youngest has far better skills than most of the kids his age.

My friend insists her son is some kind of genius masterbuilder because he plays a lot of minecraft. With real life construction toys he is very inept.

It's like saying FIFA gives you good football skills.

Never seen that definition, maybe you need to contact OED and they can include it in the next edition

I wouldn't have thought you need a dictionary to understand that common sense and a bit of thought for people around you are things that can be considered kind.
How sad for you that you don't know what kindness can consist of.

Yes of course Granny in the olden days (about 15 years ago) we all beat our kids with canes to keep them quiet because we had no ipads

Really?

How dare your parents allow you to disturb the peace with your conversations and talking. Despicable. Absolutely, when I was a child you sat quietly, didn't fidget, didn't join in with adult talk, we were expected to sit silently through Mass on a Sunday back in the day when it was the Latin mass and in a busy church with many taking Communion that meant probably 90 minutes, no tolerance for any disruption. No sloppy parenting pandering to kids by reading to them or anything, we learned how to behave. The idea that kids would be given colouring to do in a restaurant would have been considered ridiculous, just sit there and behave. Funnily enough the world moves on.

Of course the world moves on. Sometimes though it moves on too far.

Funnily enough the world moves on

It's not progress though, that children (and clearly their parents) are getting ruder, more selfish and more entitled. It's not a good thing.

I've never actually seen children doing this, but it's very normal around here for adults and teenagers to play music on their phones (or 80s style boom box!) in the street and on buses etc. On low I don't find it any more intrusive than talking - shout out to the men on my last train journey who were dishing the dirt on the thrilling world of logistics!

I only have our tablet for home use because DD is under 2 so doesn't understand headphones. I've taken it to medical appointments when they have to take blood as they often struggle to get any, and I need to sit still, obviously. I didn't end up using it as I tried a biscuit first, which was effective. I know people who would judge that, too, though.

I think it's hard to know what people are going to find more objectionable, as I've had people be rude about her being on a train when she was just looking out the window and pointing at stuff. Other times she's spent half an hour excitedly shouting TRAIN! and cant be quiet, I can tell her to be quiet and whisper, but she doesn't understand yet. On a train journey I could always get up and take her for a walk if she's upset, but on a plane I would probably take the tablet just in case, because I reckon a tablet on low would be less annoying than a very upset toddler.

It's not progress though, that children (and clearly their parents) are getting ruder, more selfish and more entitled. It's not a good thing. You mean like the people who travel on public transport and want to dictate what other people do?

Kindness to others means not inflicting your noise on them

Or it could mean rather than letting yourself get wound up (any additional needs aside) just work on the basis that people aren't deliberately being annoying and there may be any number of reasons for their behaviour.

It really makes my life a lot less stressful not to be constantly enraged by others behaviour.

Sure. In an ideal world public transport would be a utopia of calm. But it's not ideal is it.

I'd far rather have listened to Peppa pig than the two chaps opposite me on a trip who were reading a "boys" mag and discussing the women in great detail

granny I'm with you on not wanting to hear others' conversations, btw. Before having a baby I woukd always prefer to listen to music (through headphones!) on public transport. It also got rid of the loud engine sounds.

basket

You can't win. I think people used to be more tolerant of children on public transport and now some people just seem to begrudge them being there at all - not the people complaining about tablets on here necessarily, I hasten to add. The people who tut at parents for reading quietly to them and the people who were rude about your DD.

Ridiculous. Some people need to chill the fuck out. I think some parents decide they've had enough at some point and that's when they start to be less considerate. I've been lucky enough to have mainly kind people around me when I'm dealing with DD on a train or plane. I can't remember getting so much as a dirty look tbh and I've even had people strike up conversation with us and help us getting off the train. A retired nursery nurse once told us to give DD a drink when we were landing on a plane and her ears were hurting. It was lovely. But I can imagine I might get a bit jaded and decide to whip out the phone (and earphones) to keep her quiet if I'd been less lucky.

I've done a lot of commuting by train in my life and I can't remember a time when someone didn't annoy me. Smelly people, pushy people, people who take up too much room with their paper / luggage, noisy people, noisy music and gadgets. It's just what seems to happen when you gather a load of people, who don't know each other, together and trap them in a metal box with not enough seats. I don't enjoy that, but what's the alternative? Challenge everyone who mildly irritates me every time it happens? I'd end up doing nothing else and look aggressive or unhinged in the process.

You mean like the people who travel on public transport and want to dictate what other people do?

No, I mean the people who understand the normal rules of human behaviour. Clearly some on this thread were never taught them, but ignorance is no excuse.

'It's not progress though, that children (and clearly their parents) are getting ruder, more selfish and more entitled. It's not a good thing'

Completely agree. Us 'miseries' want public spaces to be as pleasant as possible for the majority. That means everyone trying to keep their noise, food smells, phone conversations etc to a minimum, not just 'I'll do whatever bloody well suits me'. Its for the benefit of all of us.

And also very much agree that talking to your children, reading books with them, drawing pictures together, any other non-techy activities do not mean that you're some sort of parenting guru. These are normal things to do with your children! Yet anyone who (quite rightly) questions the impact of handing a screen to your young child at every opportunity gets accused of being OTT and sneering at everyone else.

I despair at the suggestion that playing a sorting game on a tablet helps a 2 year old's hand-eye co-ordination

Or it could mean rather than letting yourself get wound up (any additional needs aside) just work on the basis that people aren't deliberately being annoying and there may be any number of reasons for their behaviour

People don't decide to let things upset and annoy them. They would be much happier if it didn't.The main reason for they behaviour is they don't care that they are annoying, they simply don't care about any but themselves.
Do you go on the parking threads or the neighbour noise threads and just tell posters its their own fault for letting it bother them and people aren't being deliberately annoying, so let it go?

Decaff I've also had some lovely people - particularly in Italian cafes, the complete intolerance of children in public seems to be a delightful British trait!

Noise levels are a cultural thing though, so in my part of London you have to expect that some people will have a different preference to yours. When I've worked in parts of Asia the subway is completely silent, but people think nothing of physically shoving you out the way, even when it's not busy.

Deanna what an ignorant comment! Lots of people were brought up properly, to respect others and considerate. Doesn't mean we think tablets should be obsolete! How stereotypical.... next you'll b saying that only parents on benefits give their children tablets! I've seen a lot of comments on this thread from people that have never witnessed such a problem, and I think this must have been quite an isolated incident for the OP.

Not everyone's tuning out is as "tuned" though.

People with sensory processing issues often can't tune things out.

In fact for those who struggle to understand that can I suggest you look at the national autistic society "too much information" campaign. They have a video which gives some idea of what a trip to a shopping centre can be like for someone who is Autistic. It is a real eye opener.

The vast majority of children don't need to be entertained on a short bus or tube journey. Obviously a long flight or long distance train is different. I don't spend my time fuming about noise from children's devices, but I do think that it is inconsiderate, just as I think it's inconsiderate when someone plays their music so loudly you can hear it through their headphones. Nobody expects public transport to be a haven of calm. Everyone's conflicting needs have to compromise. But very few children 'need' to have the volume on electronic devices turned up so loud that others can hear them.

There are threads all over the place that illustrate this particular lack of wider vision though - the MIL ones, the 'a stranger spoke to my child' ones. There are many advantages to individual empowerment, but the lack of greater respect for the needs of others isn't one of them.

I do think you can't win when you have babies and toddlers (I've not got to the later stages so maybe you can win later on?)

Many people aren't tolerant of ANY baby/toddler noise - I mean gurgling here, not even crying. But crying and tantrums also can't be helped sometimes. So it makes sense that some parents think people would prefer to have quiet kids and tablet noise.

The irony is that the entitled parents will be the first to tell you to pipe down or turn a radio/ghettoblaster off "as it's disturbing my children", whereas behaviour and noise output at the same level from a 4 year old is somehow deemed acceptable.

And why is the first question they ask "if you have children?". Does the lack of possession of children disallow people to have an opinion on any matters child-related ?

So it makes sense that some parents think people would prefer to have quiet kids and tablet noise

QUIET tablet noise is acceptable. People will put up with tantrums and crying IF the "parent" concerned is NOT glued to their mobile phone, feebly telling them to shut up.

I think people used to be more tolerant of children on public transport and now some people just seem to begrudge them being there at all

It's not children that I am intolerant of, it is the noise of games etc on phones and tablets that I am intolerant of. I don't care who it is who is using or watching it.

The fact that some people cannot see why it is annoy says everything really.