AIBU Not to want a termination at 19 weeks just because DP 'Doesn't want a baby yet'?

[Namechanged1234567890]

I'm posting in aibu in part for traffic and in part because that is what I'm asking, but I'm feeling really shitty about all of this and would appreciate people holding back from slamming me to the floor/burning me alive for this thread.

So as not to drip feed as you can all see by my very original username, I've changed my name. I've been on MN for a while. I'm in the second trimester of my first pregnancy (A total shock as DP and I thought I couldn't have children, and yes we had testing in the autumn/winter/spring of 2015/16 so I do know this.) DP and I had always spoken about starting a family, be it with IVF or adoption in the net couple of years, probably 2019 as we should be purchasing our second property in 2018 and this would mean I could reduce my workload. But our current situation isn't awful and we could certainly make it work.

I can see why we would've been better waiting, and DP and I did speak about an early termination, but he wouldn't come with me to the appointment at six weeks and I really felt like I couldn't do it alone.
he then told me I didn't have to do it and that he'd support me whatever. Fastforward to 11 weeks and he wants me to terminate again, but then tells me not to worry about it as I've got a big few weeks coming up, I think everything's fine, He starts calling the baby our little person etc etc. But again at 15 weeks he is pressuring me for a termination whilst simultaneously telling me it is too late and that it's a proper person. I'm currently 16w5 and have phoned BPAS who have told me the only time I can have the procedure is at the end of the month 230 miles from my home. I need to be escorted as it's a major operation. I don't want it done, and I certainly can't do it on my own. WIBU to just tell 'D'P to fuck off, and go and talk to my mum and have my baby (I've not been able to talk to anyone in case I make him look bad)
I've had it up to my eyes, I feel totally broken and scared and alone and I can't believe what an uncharacteristically massive twat my DP is.

Please someone help me. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

Would people think about providing support and not just slagging off this woman's partner, it's not helpful at all.
Grow up, this is as serious as it gets.

GP told me to have an abortion too. I'm the same age as her daughter (26) and she'd definitely want her daughter to terminate.
DP wont entertain any idea of talking about it. "Our descision has been made"

DP doesn't want a baby yet
In his eyes the timetable's mucked up but you were both committed enough to discuss going for fertility treatment and then you conceived naturally?

Please share this with someone on RL your mum or someone close.

(My instinct would be, go on with this pregnancy now, in spite of him dithering, as the time won't 'feel right' to him for a long time to come).

LTB. He's obviously confused but trying to push you into something you don't want and is a major thing to go through without seeming to care about you (and all about how it affects him).

My exH did the same thing. I didn't have the termination, I told him he could leave but he didn't. He then blamed me for our entire time together and turned it all on me so when he cheated (repeatedly) it was my fault because I'd forced him into being a husband and father. Even now years later I still have anxiety issues related to it and really wish I had forced him to leave (although a couple of years later we had another child who I couldn't imagine not having so I'm glad he stayed in some way, this child was fully planned but he acted the exact same way as the first time around when he found out I was pregnant.)

It's easy enough for us to say LTB but I know it's a big decision. to you OP and good luck whatever you decide.

You should report your GP. it's not her place to offer an opinion. What a disgrace.

This is not a partner I'd trust ever again. So, I would terminate things with him now.

Then decide what to do regarding the baby. For yourself.

Remember that whatever decision you make, he should also support the baby financially at least.
But that if he wants he will also be involved in the baby's life and, in that respect, in your life too.

Also dump the GP and report.

Wow
If that's for real your GP needs striking off

OP - the GP told you to terminate??
Are you sure?
If so, that's horrific and needs reporting.

My father (a doctor) always told me to take someone else in to see a doctor when discussing something big. He says 2 people can hear the same thing entirely differently.

OP you're a grown woman and need to make your own decision about this, not listen to others. What do you want? If you want the baby then leave DP and raise your baby without him. If you don't then abort. You are 26 that's not young in the slightest to be a mum.

OP I really feel for you. Your DP is an absolute cunt. He is pressuring you to go through this traumatic procedure (I'm very much pro-choice but a termination at this late stage would be horribly traumatic for you), but he won't even contemplate being there with you to support you? He basically wants this "problem" to just "go away", doesn't he? He is not being a good partner to you in any way.

His decision may have been made. Yours has not, and as pps have said, in the eyes of the law/medical professionals, as the mother the decision is yours and yours only.

Please get him out of your house. And stop subbing him so much money for his debts and bills whilst you are at it.

Well your GP should be struck off for having that conversation with you..
They can't tell you to do anything--imposing their opinion on something so personal is just wrong.

GP told me to have an abortion too. sad I'm the same age as her daughter (26) and she'd definitely want her daughter to terminate.

This is fucking horrendous. It's none of her business and giving you emotional bollocks about her daughter is terrible and I would advise you to report her to the surgery.

I'm so sorry that you're surrounded by such fuckwits. Please go and see your mum and your friends. You need their support.

You said that you didn't think you could have children. What happens if you have a termination and then are not able to have children.

If you want to have a baby, do not have a termination.

OP when your partner says "Our decision has been made" Is there really any input from yourself or is it just him because he doesn't want the baby?

He really has been a dick by putting it off and changing his mind constantly. Think about what you want, if you want the baby please speak to your family and see if they'll help support you. It sounds like you want this baby please do think of yourself for once and not for him.

He honestly sounds like an awful person and I would question if I would want to be with someone if they tried to force me into an abortion

And you are 26 with a good, stable job and savings. You're not a 16 year old on benefits. If the GP is using your age as a reason to terminate then that is truly shocking. Who cares how old her daughter is? That is nothing to do with you or your decision. Some people are ready for kids at 20, others not until 35. The fact that her daughter is your age and she wouldn't want her to be pregnant is fuck all to do with you or your situation.

I am very much pro choice OP but in these cirumstances l would say keep the baby, dump the (D)P and go speak to your DM.

Your GP shouldn't be offering her personal non professional opinion based on age of her own daughter! What has that got to do with your body??

Its your body your choice
Stop letting others choose
Time for your say in your body right now
Let go of the fear of losing your partner and really ask yourself which is more important to you right now?
This baby
This man and no baby (unsupported thru a traumatic late abortion)

Termination at 19 weeks (will be later by the time it was arranged) is, as others have posted, full labour and usually painful without the consolation of a child at the end of it. It is likely you will also lactate because your body/hormones are not aware there is no baby. Your grief in your circumstances, with no certainty you will have another baby, will be immense and never forgotten. In circumstances where the pregnant woman desperately wants a termination because of rape etc then it is different but otherwise where she is equivocal the future is bleak.
Do what your heart is telling you OP and choose your baby, even in hard times you will not regret it. You are in a good financial position and are obviously a good manager and will be a great mum.
Confide in your mum and gain her support.
It is a characteristic of (emotionally) abusive partners that they try to isolate their partners from family and friends and don't want them to disclose their bad behaviour hence your "secret" pregnancy.
Good luck. Remember there are posters on here who care and will be supportive of you.

Final decision is yours because it's your body, but your partner does have a say because the baby is 50% his DNA.

No he doesn't.

I assume you're aware of the legal situation and are instead speaking of what you think is morally appropriate. I'd like to hear then, what does that actually mean? How do you think this would look in practice where the parties are in disagreement? You say the final decision is hers, so I presume you agree the woman should be able to terminate or not terminate regardless of the wishes of the father. So how exactly can he have a say?

DP wont entertain any idea of talking about it. "Our descision has been made"

This is YOUR decision, not his, not your GP's and what she might hypothetically tell her DD to do (btw your GP is being totally unprofessional).

Whether you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy or not I can't emphasise enough that this really is your decision. It's your body and you will live with this decision.

However it pans out you will be the one giving birth to this baby, no one else.

@slothmama - the baby is 50 percent his and so he has every right to tell OP he doesn't want it. I very much doubt he's told her to abort - there are clearly MH issues at play because OP has just posted that the GP has told her to abort too and that's highly unlikely (and a convenient bit of malpractice). OP needs to woman up and make a decision for herself, not express other people's opinions inappropriately.

To be fair i was likely oversensitive at the GP because of the pressure dp was putting on me - she is normally lovely

He's abusive. Personally I'd consider contacting woman's aid.

The GP was totally wrong saying that to you, she should be reported.

You need to get the hell away from your 'D'P. Kick him out for a few weeks, or go and stay with your mum. Don't see him or speak to him, speak to family and friends and get some headspace away from this horrible, abusive pressure he is putting on you.