AIBU Not to want a termination at 19 weeks just because DP 'Doesn't want a baby yet'?

[Namechanged1234567890]

I'm posting in aibu in part for traffic and in part because that is what I'm asking, but I'm feeling really shitty about all of this and would appreciate people holding back from slamming me to the floor/burning me alive for this thread.

So as not to drip feed as you can all see by my very original username, I've changed my name. I've been on MN for a while. I'm in the second trimester of my first pregnancy (A total shock as DP and I thought I couldn't have children, and yes we had testing in the autumn/winter/spring of 2015/16 so I do know this.) DP and I had always spoken about starting a family, be it with IVF or adoption in the net couple of years, probably 2019 as we should be purchasing our second property in 2018 and this would mean I could reduce my workload. But our current situation isn't awful and we could certainly make it work.

I can see why we would've been better waiting, and DP and I did speak about an early termination, but he wouldn't come with me to the appointment at six weeks and I really felt like I couldn't do it alone.
he then told me I didn't have to do it and that he'd support me whatever. Fastforward to 11 weeks and he wants me to terminate again, but then tells me not to worry about it as I've got a big few weeks coming up, I think everything's fine, He starts calling the baby our little person etc etc. But again at 15 weeks he is pressuring me for a termination whilst simultaneously telling me it is too late and that it's a proper person. I'm currently 16w5 and have phoned BPAS who have told me the only time I can have the procedure is at the end of the month 230 miles from my home. I need to be escorted as it's a major operation. I don't want it done, and I certainly can't do it on my own. WIBU to just tell 'D'P to fuck off, and go and talk to my mum and have my baby (I've not been able to talk to anyone in case I make him look bad)
I've had it up to my eyes, I feel totally broken and scared and alone and I can't believe what an uncharacteristically massive twat my DP is.

Please someone help me. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

Hope you're ok OP.

Please let us know that you are OK. Even if you don't want to tell us what you decided.

Thinking of you OP please let us know you're OK.

Namechanged1234567890 ''I don't want an abortion myself.''

So that is IT.

You don't want an abortion: Do. Not. Have. One.

And stop funding him, your baby will need that money.

I get that it is hard, but now there is someone more important, than him, than you.

If you still want him you can give him the option of getting with the program or getting out.

Personally, I wouldn't bother, let your parents parent you, if you were my daughter you would not have to worry about support.

Please don't have a termination if you don't want one! You have to live your whole life with that desition! Speak to your parents and friends.

Please don't have a termination if you don't want one! You have to live your whole life with that desition! Speak to your parents and friends.

At 18 weeks you will have to give birth to a perfectly formed little baby in order to have a termination (believe me, i am a midwife and I have been present for one such termination). It is hard enough to do for women who are 100% sure they do not want the baby. If you do want this baby, it will be unendurable hard. Especially on your own.

Please don't do this because an arsehole wants you to.

@aurynne

For me that would be decision made against an abortion. Each to their own but I could not do that for a man who doesn't support me.

I hope you are okay today OP. You need love and support. Stay strong

Thinking of you OP

I think quite enough people have given OP their advice, and she knows what she really wants to do. Let's just give her our support whatever she decides.

Put your partners desires aside, what do you really want? Particularly in light of the infertility issue. How would you feel after aborting your baby? The ramifications would be long term for me but others would be different. There is never a right time to have a baby however. They just arrive and people manage. And we love them!

In your shoes I'd tell your DH you've made up your mind and you're keeping the baby. Then text/Facebook/email/phone friends and family with your announcement. Get the support you need. Your midwife will put yours and the babies needs above your partners. You should do the same.

Please don't do anything under pressure from your DP. He sounds very fickle. My husband was very frightened about parenthood but has made a great father once the baby was here

I could've written your post OP. 12 years later I have a DD who has been the making of me and a long jettisoned ex. Your DP sounds so much like my ex. Whatever happens now, bin the corrosive mind fucker. You will find vast amounts of inner strength you didn't know you had. Thinking of you

Hi OP, just another voice adding support to you. It is your choice so please don't be pressurised into doing something you don't want to do. Sending you love and strength

I'm pro-choice - i.e. your choice and you have said you want this baby so go ahead with your choice. Your DD sounds like he will be a fab DGD too!

Good luck and enjoy

DP is a twat.
What I dont understand is why you need him to go to appointments with you.
Please talk to someone and do what is right for you because you cant rely on DP

Hello everyone ❤️
Thank you all for your help and unwavering support. I'm doing okay, but I am finding everything very overwhelming,
I've had a lot to process, as DP told me not to see the midwife as we'd be terminating everytime I tried to book in, so although I've had a quick private screening at 13 weeks, I've not had any medical input and I haven't bonded with my baby at all, I've not really allowed myself to believe I was pregnant and I totally shut down as dp was so hot and Cold, so I'm just trying to get on top of everything find a new Gp, and registering with the midwifery team for the rest of the pregnancy.

I haven't stopped crying for two days is this Normal. I'm petrified of doing this but I'm so determined to make this work for us.
Thanks all again for thinking of me.

Hi sarikiz - dp wanted me to have an abortion- for this procedure you need an escort, additionally it's an almost 500 mile round trip for me to get there.
As he wanted me to have the procedure you'd have thought he'd come and look after me or at least do the bare minimum of being my necessary escort.

Glad to have you back OP, I have been thinking about you.

Have you told your DP you are definitely keeping the baby, how was his reaction? Do your parents know about the situation now?

Sounds like you've had a really tough time OP. Consider telling the midwife about your partner's behaviour. To me it sounds pretty psychologically abusive and the midwife can help you get professional support or at least be aware of the pressure you've been under so far in your pregnancy. Take care of you x

OP could you keep us updated with how your getting on! Are you staying with your partner?

Hello OP, I have been thinking about you. Don't fret too much about not being in the system for appointments etc- not too much happens until the 20w anomaly scan anyway. And as for bonding with your bump - even women who haven't been in your confusing and scary situation sometimes struggle to feel very much at this stage. Even though my pregnancy was much yearned for, I took a long time before I felt anything other than bewildered about the reality of it.
I hope you're getting some great real life support and we are all here whenever you might need us

Such a difficult situation for you to be in but you can totally do this and raise this baby. Have you told family and friends yet? What about your partner?

Great to hear from you again, OP, you'll get through this. I'm not surprised you've done so much crying, you've had so much to cope with. We're here to support you when you need, please do keep us updated.

Thanks again everyone! I'll do a proper update about everything at some point tomorrow ❤️ I'm exhausted and emotional so I think 930 is an appropriate time for bed.
Thanks again!