AIBU Not to want a termination at 19 weeks just because DP 'Doesn't want a baby yet'?

[Namechanged1234567890]

I'm posting in aibu in part for traffic and in part because that is what I'm asking, but I'm feeling really shitty about all of this and would appreciate people holding back from slamming me to the floor/burning me alive for this thread.

So as not to drip feed as you can all see by my very original username, I've changed my name. I've been on MN for a while. I'm in the second trimester of my first pregnancy (A total shock as DP and I thought I couldn't have children, and yes we had testing in the autumn/winter/spring of 2015/16 so I do know this.) DP and I had always spoken about starting a family, be it with IVF or adoption in the net couple of years, probably 2019 as we should be purchasing our second property in 2018 and this would mean I could reduce my workload. But our current situation isn't awful and we could certainly make it work.

I can see why we would've been better waiting, and DP and I did speak about an early termination, but he wouldn't come with me to the appointment at six weeks and I really felt like I couldn't do it alone.
he then told me I didn't have to do it and that he'd support me whatever. Fastforward to 11 weeks and he wants me to terminate again, but then tells me not to worry about it as I've got a big few weeks coming up, I think everything's fine, He starts calling the baby our little person etc etc. But again at 15 weeks he is pressuring me for a termination whilst simultaneously telling me it is too late and that it's a proper person. I'm currently 16w5 and have phoned BPAS who have told me the only time I can have the procedure is at the end of the month 230 miles from my home. I need to be escorted as it's a major operation. I don't want it done, and I certainly can't do it on my own. WIBU to just tell 'D'P to fuck off, and go and talk to my mum and have my baby (I've not been able to talk to anyone in case I make him look bad)
I've had it up to my eyes, I feel totally broken and scared and alone and I can't believe what an uncharacteristically massive twat my DP is.

Please someone help me. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

I've reported Cinderllas post. A totally unnecessary attack on a vulnerable OP from someone who clearly hasn't read the thread, or at least OP's posts.

Colabar, read the thread!

Did some sort of alarm go off calling posters to attack the op for something she's already decided she isn't doing?

Cinderllaspinkdresswasth

A line has been drawn where the Mother's rights are disregarded. The line is at 24 weeks in most cases.

Could you be more pointlessly cruel?

Unfortunately posters are seeing the word 'termination' and spouting about their opinion without reading the thread. It's arrogance of the worst order, and in my view, completely inappropriate for mumsnet.

Wow, at the posters who pile into a thread like this without EVEN READING IT. Slow clap for you, Cinders et all.

OP, you'll be just fine. I had my second at 26 and even though I have a supportive partner, I still feel I'm winging it pretty much every day, six years later! Really, as long as you feed them, love them and teach them to be kind, confident and empathetic, you won't go far wrong, but at the fundament, you have to do what you feel is right.

When I found out I was pregnant with DC1, I wanted a termination. My instinct was that I wasn't up to the job. DH (then DP, who I'd only been living with for 6m) was desperate for me not to. I told my mum, expecting chapter and verse on how I wasn't ready. I was only 5w, so I asked her not to tell my dad. She said 'ok'. Then there was a beat and she literally squealed to my dad 'our baby is having a baby!'. The fact that they thought I could do it, and their unequivocal, infectious joy, was all the persuasion I needed. Tell your parents, it sounds like they'd be super-supportive, whatever you decide. I terminated my third pregnancy when I found out the baby had serious genetic abnormalities and my parents were as amazing then as they were throughout my other pregnancies.

There is no right or wrong in this situation, but

Ignore the " I'm a pro choicer but....." posters. They are not. It is a classic tactic used by those opposed to a woman's right to choose. Smoke screens and mirrors re times/dates etc.

You need to decide what you want to do. I strongly suggest calling WA, and looking at information online re domestic abuse (doesn't have to be violence). Pregnancy is very often when it starts, in whatever form. It then ramps up. His behaviour is classically abusive and controlling. Your response of wanting to protect him/feeling mildly ashamed is also typical. Please talk to your folks, and others. It can only help you now, and in the future.

Some guys get cold feet about babies. My husband was terrified when I was pregnant with our daughter. She was a total surprise and we didn't find out till after 10 weeks. I was pretty sure when we found out that it would be second trimester so we made a deal - if it was before 10 weeks I would terminate, but after that and it was a baby. I won. He apparently considered leaving me as he was so stressed. But when she arrived he was an amazing daddy. He wasn't excited for either of
My boys either, till they arrived.

My input is don't terminate as you will regret it. I terminated one pregnancy at 6 weeks 4 days and whilst I wouldn't change that decision - I was desperately unhappy about it and it took years to get through. And you will be grieving it alone as your husband won't even see it as a life gone

Colabar I was fucking right. Pro-Choice my arse. Keep your shitty opinions to yourself. Same to you Cinders. to anyone affected by their posts.

Reported all the deliberately goady posts. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

OP, hope you've managed to have a chat with your DF and have a good night's sleep x

Clearly the society of idiots who can't rtft summer coach trip has arrived at MN...

To be umming and ahhing and changing his mind hither and thither about ending your baby's life- what a twat. Whilst I feel abortion is a woman's choice I don't agree with men dictating to them. It's your body your choice. Do what you feel is right. He does sound from your description like a childish, selfish idiot. God forbid you have the kid and they somehow find out what he has been saying. You don't casually fling abortion into a conversation.

Glad you're at your dad's and hope that you can have a good chat with your parents tomorrow.

Ignore the twats who can't read. xx

Thanks to everyone for your support.
eyebrow face to everyone who cannot bloody rtft.

Wishing you all the best today, op. Tell your mum & dad what's been going on.

OP, I hope you managed to get some rest last night. I am sure your dad will be delighted for you when you tell him about his grandchild - I hope you get a chance to embrace and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, looking forward to the arrival of your baby. My guess is that it would be harder for you to stay with your partner having had a late termination, or having kept the baby, than it will be for you to do it on your own, but with your parents' support. I know you are grieving for your relationship, but you hopefully will have time to get used to the idea of being a single parent before the baby arrives, and I'm sure you'll be able to cope, and enjoy being a parent, on your own.
Velvian for you, too.

Thank you.

Good luck with the discussions today OP. You absolutely CAN do whatever YOU want.