AIBU Not to want a termination at 19 weeks just because DP 'Doesn't want a baby yet'?

[Namechanged1234567890]

I'm posting in aibu in part for traffic and in part because that is what I'm asking, but I'm feeling really shitty about all of this and would appreciate people holding back from slamming me to the floor/burning me alive for this thread.

So as not to drip feed as you can all see by my very original username, I've changed my name. I've been on MN for a while. I'm in the second trimester of my first pregnancy (A total shock as DP and I thought I couldn't have children, and yes we had testing in the autumn/winter/spring of 2015/16 so I do know this.) DP and I had always spoken about starting a family, be it with IVF or adoption in the net couple of years, probably 2019 as we should be purchasing our second property in 2018 and this would mean I could reduce my workload. But our current situation isn't awful and we could certainly make it work.

I can see why we would've been better waiting, and DP and I did speak about an early termination, but he wouldn't come with me to the appointment at six weeks and I really felt like I couldn't do it alone.
he then told me I didn't have to do it and that he'd support me whatever. Fastforward to 11 weeks and he wants me to terminate again, but then tells me not to worry about it as I've got a big few weeks coming up, I think everything's fine, He starts calling the baby our little person etc etc. But again at 15 weeks he is pressuring me for a termination whilst simultaneously telling me it is too late and that it's a proper person. I'm currently 16w5 and have phoned BPAS who have told me the only time I can have the procedure is at the end of the month 230 miles from my home. I need to be escorted as it's a major operation. I don't want it done, and I certainly can't do it on my own. WIBU to just tell 'D'P to fuck off, and go and talk to my mum and have my baby (I've not been able to talk to anyone in case I make him look bad)
I've had it up to my eyes, I feel totally broken and scared and alone and I can't believe what an uncharacteristically massive twat my DP is.

Please someone help me. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

OP
I am so sorry if this has already been said, I have tried to read the full thread but may have missed some posts.

I have heard before of people having issues getting IVF through the NHS if they have had a termination. I have never had this experience so essentially this is hearsay but how would you feel if you lost your chance to have IVF when you want it? Please look into it.

I was 26 when pregnant with my first child. It was a great age. I have other mum' friends in my age group and have loved every minute. Your age is fine and GP ( and your DP) are wrong to use your age as a reason, It is a very healthy age to have a baby and anyway its not of the GPS business.

You want this baby so please please don't terminate a much wanted baby for a man who is behaving despicably. You will live to regret it. Your fertility problems MAY make this your only chance and when you and DP split he can go on to have children with a new partner, it will be far more difficult for you.

I say when you split because I truly believe you can't stay with this man long term after this kind of behaviour. He is not treating you as his partner or equal. He is pressurising you and trying to control you emotionally, its a form of abuse.

OP thinking of you tonight, I hope you are being supported by your mum and dad.

What an arsehole your partner is.

This is so sad to read. Sorry if I missed this but does anyone know youre pregnant? If not you need to tell people, let them support you and be excited for you. You need to get angry at your selfish abusive dp for the way hes treated you. You need to start preparing for raising this baby without him so start thinking about where youre going to live, childcare etc. I really hope you get the support you need and you realise what a twat your dp is.

Fingers crossed you're at your parents house and feeling a more secure about keeping your baby.
You're 19wks so can't really hide it anymore! When did you last see them, perhaps they already guessed?
1st tri is out of the way, so hopefully you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, while you rebuild your confidence.

Try to remember, you aren't making him look bad, his own actions are. You aren't lying, you aren't making things up to make him look bad - he has behaved in a reprehensible manner and that is his own fault.

Onwards and upwards OP.

Hi all. Thanks for thinking of me, DF isn't home yet but I'm at parents and feeling ok. Been very tearful and have been dozing. Going to get some proper rest so I can make some progress xxx thanks again xx

it is entirely your choice. You can do without someone in the background changing his mind every 5 minutes. Take control of the situation and do exactly what you feel is right for you and your baby.

I had an unepected baby at 21 and it was the best thing I ever did

Oh and vienetta I'm 16w5d so I'm still little and thankfully getting away with my size 8 jeans (although I admit I've got a little bump coming!)

Great to hear your positive experience irritated ❤️❤️

Your still 'considering it'
I'm pro choice but sorry OP I think that is disgraceful.
You've had months to consider this. This baby is only growing and developing more and more each day. It is a life. You are not buying a sofa.
This isn't something to consider. You either want the child or you don't. And you really need to hurry up and make the decision.

Sorry if that's harsh but I'm actually gobsmacked by this.

SaySomething do jog on - if you'd read the OP's posts you'd realise she is coming to terms with keeping her baby and losing her DP, she's no longer considering anything.
Leave her be, if you can't be bothered to read the thread don't wade in with judgemental comments.

OP I have a wonderful online postnatal group that started on here as a TTC 'bus', and quite a few of them are your age and younger, and absolutely smashing this parenting thing out of the park.
Age doesn't mean much once you're a mum - I'm twice the age of some of them and we're all having struggles, celebrations, and all the rest of it.

Sleep now eh?

Also hoping you're at your parents' house now and bedded down for the night.
Hope you find the strength to tell them the whole story - and yes, I understand that you're looking at the end of your long-term relationship, which must be pretty shocking for you - but if it's keep the baby or keep the manchild and you want the baby then the manchild has to go.

He may change his mind afterwards, of course - and you might be able to forgive him if he's suitably contrite - but that's a bit of a way down the road now.

Sleep well xx

saysomething you clearly haven't Rtft have you? If you had you'd know that I don't want to have a termination but have been put in a position where my partner has made me feel like I must terminate, whilst also stopping me seeking a support network.
You would know that I felt like the termination was the choice I had to make and not the one I wanted to, you'd know that my partner had begged me not to tell anyone about our baby, and now I know it was an easy out for him.

Your post is harsh in many ways, and really quite unecessary, my choice is made and you clearly didn't realise that, but all women have the choice and freedom to terminate up to 24w. As I've told you in just over sixteen and a half, I do in fact have time to consider and make an informed and supported descision on my future.

And thanks for your nuggets of wisdom on the development of my child I've had two scans and I get crazy flutters everytime I lie in a steamy hot bath, I also have a biology alevel, and a teacher in a secondary school science department, so I am aware my baby is growing and developing inside me.

He would be out the door. Bring the baby up alone and make him pay as much as you can, He sounds an immature twat.

Glad you are safe at your parents' house. As to your DP having previously been 'lovely' I bet that was because you rapidly got used to letting him have his own way all the time.

Right after being riled by Saysomethimg, it's high time I got to bed. I agreed to do some test practice tomorrow. Will update when I can.
Can't thank you all enough ,, and all round.

I don't want to scare you further .. but with your previous test results this could be your only chance ... and IVF can be v expensive x

Goodnight, sleep well. Your decisions are made and you're moving forward. Well done.

Op posters like saysomething will always appear in threads like this. Please ignore and get a good night's sleep. Look after yourself. You can do this without him.

OP you've made your choice. You're free, you're going to be a mum and you can get excited about your baby now! Best of luck x

I think OP has decided against a termination hasn't she, and is leaving her partner, Cinders?
Abortion at that stage I'm sure wouldn't be undertaken lightly. It's quite distressing experience, by all accounts (a friend who had to terminate for medical reasons)

Cinderllaspinkdresswasthebest

Go and contact your MP then and leave the Op alone. Have you even read her posts or did you just click on this because you saw the word termination and wanted to pass your judgement?