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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to think that she should pay for a new switch and get her bloody kid one too?

227 replies

nikiforov · 06/08/2017 03:06

Quick backstory: I live with some friends who are parents, nowhere to fit a TV in my room (I got the downstairs smaller one because I'm not a parent and we rent the house together, I'm not a tagalong or anything). I knew living with a kid would be odd and I'm childfree but we agreed at the start that I wasn't a free babysitter, I'm a student and I need my own space, et cetera - usually I leave my door unlocked because we all trust each other and the router is in my bedroom due to it being the only place with router access, so it's awkward if I'm at uni and the internet goes down.

I also have a nintendo switch in my bedroom, which is mine and mine only. Her kid is 6 now, so he's old enough to play it and she's been bringing up the subject more and more hinting that I'm being selfish by not letting him play it and she can't afford one, I can afford more because I'm a student and she cooks meals for us (she doesn't cook meals for me, I buy my own food and make meals myself because I'm a vegan and they're meat eaters so that's a lie) and anyway, push came to shove and she let the kid use the switch without my permission today. The screen is scratched to hell.

WIBU to demand she buys me a new one after damaging my property? Or am I being a stingy childfree bitch? I don't want to take it to some shady place to get a new screen fitted, which would void my warranty completely, but this would also be classed under not damaged enough for a replacement/fix or sort of 'it's your own fault' damage. Moving out isn't really an option until the lease runs out and I honestly didn't have much choice. It was this or halls, and halls is infinitely more expensive and I wouldn't have had my own private bathroom.

OP posts:
HadronCollider · 06/08/2017 17:14

It's not about being related to the child. It's just a sociable thing to do. A nice sociable thing. Can none of the people on this thread remember how difficult it can be to resist temptation at the age of 6?

People are increasingly becoming me oriented. Of course she has no obligation, but would would it really have hurt to let the child have a play on it for a bit? Or would that just have been too much?

BewareOfDragons · 06/08/2017 17:14

Your LL has been unreasonable by letting her child play with your game. She had no business in your room in the first place.

Leases don't work one way; they can't seriously expect to hold you to the term of the lease while violating your rights as a tenant.

I would point this out, quietly, and ask that they pay to have the screen fixed. I would also tell them that you will be locking your room from now on. They can either pay to put longer cables on the router so it can go in the hall, or for some other tech tool that will let them access it remotely, or they can wait until you are home if there are any problems with it. And, no, you won't consider it an emergency if it goes down and will get home at your regularly planned times.

Good luck.

CockacidalManiac · 06/08/2017 17:16

People are increasingly becoming me oriented. Of course she has no obligation, but would would it really have hurt to let the child have a play on it for a bit? Or would that just have been too much?
Well, apart from the fact that the child has damaged it?

Mittens1969 · 06/08/2017 17:18

OP, YADNBU! That's appalling, that the mum would let her DS touch your things. If it was one of my DDs, I would be mortified, and there would definitely be a consequence for whichever DD it was. And yes, they should at least replace the screen.

I think realistically, if lodging with a young family, there should definitely be a lock on the door. Parents are responsible for their children's behaviour, of course, but all children can be naughty sometimes and a lock would provide the security that private property is safe.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/08/2017 17:54

Yanbu op. If you're yet to approach the parents, I think I'd try Dad (who you don't know to be unreasonable). I'd be upbeat and say "I see little johnny's been on the Switch, the little monkey. Unfortunately he's damaged it. I'm not sure how you want to resolve it, I'd suggest either you pay for a Nintendo repair or get me a new one when they're back in stock and I'll give you the scratched one."

Hygge · 06/08/2017 18:18

YANBU. They need to pay for a proper, official repair or a brand new replacement.

They should also be paying for the lock on your door, which you need to keep their child off your property.

Not the same in terms of value but my Mother once brought my brother's kids to visit and allowed them to ruin a book I'd had since I was a child. I'd saved it in near perfect condition for years because I loved it, eventually with the idea of letting my own child have it.

My Mum saw it on the bookshelf and started badgering me to hand it over. I said no. I said I had other books they could read, they'd brought books of their own. I offered to buy them their own copy, but my Mum had it in her head that my copy was the only copy she wanted them to have and she took it without telling me. By the time I got it back it was ripped, covered in chocolate fingerprints and with dilute juice stains on it.

She would not accept that she had done anything wrong because "It's a kids book, you're an adult, they're kids!" Or, its my book, I had saved it for years because I loved it, it wasn't her bloody book to take and ruin or give away.

Your flatmate sounds the same way, thinking that because it's a games console it's for kids, and because you share a house they have some claim to your stuff and you're being mean not to let her son play with it.

It's not so much what the item is, or what age range it's perceived to be for, or even the value, it's that she allowed her child to take and ruin something belonging to you when she shouldn't have let him near your room or your belongings. It doesn't belong to her, it doesn't belong to the household, but to you.

Ask her how she would feel if you went into her bedroom and scratched something of hers without even asking. Like her phone, or her TV, or her husband?

They need to pay to repair or replace this and teach their child that they can't help themselves to other people's property just because they want to.

sproutish · 06/08/2017 18:20

YADNBU! Is a switch small enough to buy a case for and take it out with you? (I have no idea what it actually is, handheld if it has a screen?) Sounds petty and pass agg but it's yours, and if you absolutely must leave the door unlocked then could be a semi solution for you Smile

Questioningeverything · 06/08/2017 19:18

hadroncollider you're clearly missing a few. I mean seriously. You can't honestly believe the twaddle you've posted. What utter shite.
Op was asking for it?? With your attitude, I'm not surprised your godmother didn't want you touching her stuff. I'd not want you near my belongings! You're unbelievable.

Op, I really hope you've sat down with her today and got it sorted so you're happier. My oh has a switch and they're brilliant fun, but I wouldn't be trusted with it alone let alone a 6yr old. I'm not techy at all 😂

RiotAndAlarum · 06/08/2017 19:39

Of course YANBU. If your flatmate let her child use the Nintendo, possibly not even her child was being unreasonable... but the mother bloody was.

nikiforov · 06/08/2017 19:40

oh man I'm sorry for vanishing. I did read up to a post that said I should have mentioned my health issues in my first post, but that's being ridiculously nitpicky, as is the "her bloody kid/her kid" thing. I think of all kids as kids. My nieces are sometimes my brother's kids, not my darling, sweet nieces. I still love them. I see the kid I share with as kind of a cousin, I guess, because obviously you can't just ignore a child you're sharing a house with. He's sweet and I'm not actually mad at him now that I've calmed down, I'm just mad in general and mad at the lack of boundaries.

OP posts:
asprinklingofsugar · 06/08/2017 19:46

Hygge your story honestly enraged me! I've been in a similar situation before- I have saved pretty much all of my childhood books (can't bear to throw them away Blush) and I have a much younger little cousin. My mum used to drop lots of hints that I should take some of them and leave them at my grandparents for her to read there or let her 'borrow' them and take them home. She was definitely a bit rough with her toys when she was younger- and still is sometimes- so I was worried they'd get damaged. Plus I did either of those thingsI knew I'd never see them again (little bit of a track record of taking things e.g. bibs etc from my grandparents and never bringing them back), which would defeat the point of me keeping them for so long. Thankfully my mum never did anything like yours- probably because she knew I would have kicked up a giant fuss! (Sorry for hijacking OP)

Also YANBU, either she gave it to him, which shows that she disrespects your privacy and the boundaries you have in place, or he took it himself- but surely she would have noticed he had it, and thought it was odd when you ignored all her hints? Confused Also, you were under no obligation to share it with him- it was an expensive device you spent your own money on, and his parents could save up money and buy him one for his birthday or christmas. Also, in my experience, students are not necessarily able to afford more than other people- yes, perhaps if they have a job, but definitely not 'because they're a student,' her logic doesn't make sense to me there. I hope you're able to get it fixed, and sort out the situation with your friend. Either way, I'd definitely put a lock on your door.

Hygge · 06/08/2017 19:46

Your health issues are irrelevant to someone taking your belongings without permission and letting their child scratch them OP.

You don't have to explain your health or anything else. You're sharing a house, you and your flatmates have agreed to which spaces are private and which are communal.

That's as much as we need to know on here. The point is, you should be able to leave your belongings in your private room and not have them used or spoilt. You should be able to leave them in the communal rooms and expect the same respect.

Your flatmate is an adult and should know that, and we don't need to know anything other than you said no and she did something anyway.

That's what the whole thing comes down to. You said no and she didn't listen. And that's wrong.

Hygge · 06/08/2017 19:52

Asprinklingofsugar - thank you. I was always really careful with my books as a child and this one in particular was a special favourite. Even when I was a child my mum was always throwing things out or giving them away because she thought I'd outgrown them or didn't need them anymore.

She just didn't see why an adult would be so bothered about a child's book, even if that adult had looked after it and saved it since their own childhood.

nikiforov · 06/08/2017 19:52

OP if you're still around, is the switch actually any good? I've heard it's battery life sucks as a handheld and it's naff as a proper console. The price has put me off so far.

I cried a little when I saw how scratched it was so I'm definitely attached plus it was a good luck with uni again gift from my parents and now I have to explain to them what happened and I would say it's a bloody good console - but it's not comparable at all to like, an xbox or a ps4? Not in the 'it's nowhere near as good' but it's just a completely different beast entirely. If you like at least 3 of the games coming out this year (including an interest in Zelda) I would give it a chance but if not, wait and see what happens next year. It has some good stuff on the eshop and I'm hooked on Splatoon.

I let the 6yo watch if I'm playing and he appears, but I think my bedroom is just gonna become a 'nobody but me allowed unless invited' thing.

I own the router - I sort out the internet because my friend got us the deal on it. I may play games, but I am able to be a responsible adult! Roommate has agreed to talk it through tonight and I'm going to send it off to Nintendo, but the scratches aren't just from the docking station sadly ): she didn't put it back to charge.

OP posts:
JigglyTuff · 06/08/2017 20:39

I love my Switch and would be massively upset if it got scratched. We don't use it as a handheld often but that functionality is going to be great this week on a long car journey.

Please lock your room

HadronCollider · 07/08/2017 01:04

hadroncollider you're clearly missing a few. I mean seriously. You can't honestly believe the twaddle you've posted. What utter shite

Well thank you for that, Questioneverything No idea why you had to get so personal by the way, you have no idea what I was like at 7Hmm, how nasty and unnecessary. But no, I don't think I'm talking utter shite. I maintain that it would have been a nice thing to do, since the door is unlocked, and the child is six.

Look, you've got what you would like children to be like, and what children are actually like. As I said, you wouldn't leave a packet of sweets in plain view with an open door and be suprised to find some missing.

When I have my nieces and nephews visit, I remove stuff I don't want to get broken, or might be dangerous if handled. I don't like them touching my PC if I'm not watching, but I let them use it to watch and play games while I'm supervising for a while. They then aren't tempted to try and sneak in my room and use it behind my back. In fact they ask.

I totally agree that it was down to the mother to prevent her 6 year old from touching the Switch and that she should be financial culpable. I've already said this.

But the 6 year old I don't blame, and I think that knowing he could play a few times under supervision, may have prevented him succumbing to temptation to try and use it when the OP was not around, in a situation where the room was accessible that is the crux. Would not have been an issue at all if the door was locked.

The best solution is for the door to be locked in future.

kali110 · 07/08/2017 01:38

Your attitude ('her bloody kid') doesn't sound terribly mature (neither do you, tbh, see the gaming).
Shockingly a lot of people of all ages ( and highly educated) enjoy gaming.
It has no baring on maturity Hmm

hate to say it, but I think most (nice) people would have realised that it wouldn't be a good idea to play with a games console you won't share in front of a small child. That's like putting food just out of reach of a starving man.
So people shouldn't do Anything that kids like incase they also want to do it?
My friends little kids and young relatives always want my phone, they dont get it as their parents always tell them they can't.
I don't keep it out of sight.

think this whole thing could have been avoided if you had volunteered to share playing the switch for an hour with the 6 year old on the odd occasion when you were around and not busy.
Why should the op have?
It's the op's! Just because the mother can't buy one, why does the op have to let hers be used?
The mother should have said no!
I have nice things that i wouldnt ket little hands have that they would love!
The mother should not have gone into your room.
The child shouldn't have even touched your stuff, let alone used it.
She should be paying for the repair, but i doubt she will.
Def keep the door locked now, ahe can't be trusted.
I certainly would not be giving the scratched one to the child if you do get a new one either.

Chronicilly · 07/08/2017 02:03

YANBU! I would be very mad if this happened to me. I don't think it's fair to ask for a full replacement but if Nintendo do repairs I would be 100% getting her to pay for this. How long is left on your warranty? Can you get it sorted somewhere cheap when it runs out as a back up option?

& as others have said...100% locking of your door when you aren't in!

Re IBS, and as someone who hates giving unsolicited 'advice' to people with chronic illnesses, having one myself and knowing how frustrating it can sometimes be...have you tried a probiotic tablet? I have mild IBS and it's worked absolute wonders for me. I use Solgars and I would not be without them now.

OkPedro · 07/08/2017 02:17

Oh I can't wait to play splatoon,it looks great Grin

supermoon100 · 07/08/2017 04:04

I don't know what a switch is but if it's that valuable put it somewhere safe, you know there's a child in the house and I assume you are getting cheap rent. Or learn to share your stuff

nikiforov · 07/08/2017 04:18

I assume you are getting cheap rent. Or learn to share your stuff

I'm paying the same rent as them and it was on a shelf in my bedroom.

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 07/08/2017 04:19

@Hygge ((((((((((Big Hugs)))))))))) I have many in perfect condition books from my childhood. I want to %$$% your 'Mother'

Can I ask, what was the book Title ?

TheMaddHugger · 07/08/2017 04:24

Umm supermoon100 It was safe, It was in her room. Her Private room

FeelingAggrieved · 07/08/2017 04:49

@HeteronormativeHaybales - Hmm Adults should be allowed to game without being called immature. It's as valid a recreational activity as anything else Were you trying to be so annoying and judgemental?

FeelingAggrieved · 07/08/2017 04:50

OP YADNBU.