to be pissed off about holiday

[ifcatscouldtalk123]

A little bit of background. OH and I live together in a very happy relationship, we met about six months after his marriage broke down and I moved in six months later (I know really quick but we're not kids and didn't see the point of hanging around when we are very happy together). He has two children, boy and a girl, nearly 16 and 11. OH is very much into his sport which I don't generally mind, it does take up a lot of our spare time but it gives me down time to enjoy time with friends, catching up with personal stuff (I work long full time hours).

OH recently went abroad on a boys golfing trip, only 5 days and funded entirely by himself. No issues here. While he was abroad he entered a competition for a bit of a laugh with no intention of winning. A bit of a pitch and putt. He's ended up winning an all expenses paid, four day trip to Dubai to watch a golf competition final. Luxury flights, accommodation, meals paid for, you name it.

Fabulous! I get to go shopping in the Dubai malls while he watches the golf. No! He's decided to take his 15 year old son (who shares his love of golf - it would be wrong of me to miss this bit out). The reason being is that his mates would disown him if they thought that he would not take his son and he would be a bad father - not necessarily in that order). The golf will take up a small proportion of the trip.

AIBU to be pissed off?

My DSIS is a SM to a now 20 young man who was 9 years old when she met his dad, and is now a credit to both his parents and to her. She also has 2 birth children and 1 adopted toddler. She absolutely adores her SS and has supported her DH in bringing him up, he was the resident parent.

It's so worth all the hard work, OP. They were going on holiday to France when their baby AS came to live with them and they couldn't yet apply for a passport for them as they hadn't yet adopted him. My DSIS suggested that the rest of the family could go without her, but her lovely SS wouldn't hear of it! He wanted the family to do whatever they were doing all together.

There are such rewards in putting children first.

@PelorusJack @LT1927 I was using it as a figure of speech. I don't mean that she just met him in the queue in Greggs and now wants to go on holiday with him

I think its great that they're getting to spend quality time together, often at 15 children don't want to hang about with their parents. They'll probably never have an opportunity for something like this again, whereas you will have lots of holidays with your dp.

But I understand your disappointment, so of course you should be booking a nice getaway for you and your dp as well.

I could have sworn she said SHOPPING. Not SHAGGING

Oh silly me for thinking a couple in a relationship have sex. Yes, you're right. That would be really unusual.

People are right op. You are risking your freedom if you share a hotel in the UAE as an unmarried person. It isn't likely you'd be arrested. But it happens and as the woman, you'd be the one, who'd face the stiffer sentence and lengthier jail time.

Can you and OH not fund you going too?

YABU to expect an invitation to a golf-themed trip that your golf-loving DP won at a golf tournament when his child also loves gofl.

People seem to be a bit over-dramatic about the unmarried couples and sex thing. The Government of Dubai turn a blind eye to the fact that unmarried couples do share rooms in their hotels (well they would do, considering the amount of currency which comes into their country through tourism!). The thing they object to is people being blatantly amorous when out in public - even married couples. Is it so hard to be out in public when on holiday and just refrain from holding hands or kissing and generally being discreet? You can do what you want to when you are in the privacy of your hotel room!

Ok. I've reread your post again and think I understand. You are not pissed off that he's taking his son so much as you were not even in the running to be considered taking. You feel you should have been equally considered. But instead his mates suggested they 'would disown him' if he did anything but bring a golfing buddy, who is this case happens to be his son?

Ideally you would have liked to have been considered, and come to agreements that son should go in your place, and you would have been fine. Now you feel that you are not on an equal footing in the relationship. Is it something like this?

I still wouldn't want to go (and spend my money) in a country with such harsh punishments where I would be doing something illegal, no matter how much of a blind eye they turn. Either it is legal or it isn't.

et's say I won a trip to the Monaco grand prix (I keep dreaming). I would take with me adult DS who shares my F1 passion, not my long suffering DH who'd probably be bored rigid and more interested in watch shopping. DH and I would do something we both enjoy another weekend

Heh it's true. When I do zedevents there's no way I would want to do it with my husband. My kids would enjoy it much more

Why you would want to go to Dubai anyway is beyond me OP. Wave them off and wish them a good time.

Wow 6 years = to 5 mins? Well that's roughly 20 mins of my life I'll never get back.

Sorry but too many people are being disparaging simply because she is a step-parent. Denying it makes me think some of you truly believe you are being reasonable.

Having read the thread and follow up posts, it's not the fact that her Dss is going in her place (well not only), but rather, in a household where everyone is treated equally, she wasn't even given an option, just told this is how it's going to be. At that point she is not being treated equally. That would piss any of us off (don't deny it).

Maybe I'm reading between the lines (or just reading her posts). But for that she has a right to be upset.

But instead his mates suggested they 'would disown him' if he did anything but bring a golfing buddy, who is this case happens to be his son

My guess would be this was merely an excuse to OP because he knew she expected to go and that was not what he intended.

Sorry but too many people are being disparaging simply because she is a step-parent. Denying it makes me think some of you truly believe you are being reasonable

It's go nothing to do with being a step-parent (which she isn't), it would be the same if the child were hers.
Of course we believe we are being reasonable, because we are. And wouldn't bother saying so otherwise!

Why don't you pay to go with them?

You say it's about equality but if he took you he would be leaving his child out, how's that equal? When you mean my equal, what you really mean is for you not them.

How is being with someone for 6 years the same as knowing them for 5 minutes??? Six years is a long term relationship, it isn't someone you are casually dating...

I can understand why you are a bit pissed off, OP, but I think it is a great trip for your DH and his son. His son will be an adult soon, and trips like this can give them both happy memories for the future. It might even be the start of regular father/son trips?

Ooh yes 55, am linking now. Can't wait to earn £££££££. I can tell this is genuine.

Nah...you're not looking for equality...you're looking for priority. He's a golf fan, you're not. In this scenario you are not even equals, never mind you assuming priority. He trumps you because he likes golf. Accept it.

In other words, all things being equal (in theory) in that he loves you both - the lad gets priority because HE LIKES GOLF.

There've been cases where unmarried couples have been in the wrong place at the wrong time and been seen kissing/found to be sharing a hotel room and all hell has broken loose.

Like most adults I am sure she can quite easily research the local laws and try her very best not to get arrested/all hell to break loose. Are you saying no adults in non-married relationships should be allowed into the UAE? So men are only allowed in and therefore they are only allowed to take their sons? What if his daughter wanted to play golf?

There are some fucking weird people on here these days.

Stfu you have got to be kidding! Of course yabu.