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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off about holiday

431 replies

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 21:55

A little bit of background. OH and I live together in a very happy relationship, we met about six months after his marriage broke down and I moved in six months later (I know really quick but we're not kids and didn't see the point of hanging around when we are very happy together). He has two children, boy and a girl, nearly 16 and 11. OH is very much into his sport which I don't generally mind, it does take up a lot of our spare time but it gives me down time to enjoy time with friends, catching up with personal stuff (I work long full time hours).

OH recently went abroad on a boys golfing trip, only 5 days and funded entirely by himself. No issues here. While he was abroad he entered a competition for a bit of a laugh with no intention of winning. A bit of a pitch and putt. He's ended up winning an all expenses paid, four day trip to Dubai to watch a golf competition final. Luxury flights, accommodation, meals paid for, you name it.

Fabulous! I get to go shopping in the Dubai malls while he watches the golf. No! He's decided to take his 15 year old son (who shares his love of golf - it would be wrong of me to miss this bit out). The reason being is that his mates would disown him if they thought that he would not take his son and he would be a bad father - not necessarily in that order). The golf will take up a small proportion of the trip.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Whiterabbitears · 06/08/2017 12:28

Smile thank you.

Original poster
ifcatscouldtalk123 · 06/08/2017 12:28

Our future together is not in question. We are all happy and respectful. I am a little pissed off as my original post said but only airing it on this anonymous forum not in real life.

OP posts:
LT1927 · 06/08/2017 12:38

If you weren't expecting to be put before his DS, I'm not sure what the original post was about or why you posted it?

Original poster
ifcatscouldtalk123 · 06/08/2017 12:40

My original post asked if I was being unreasonable to be pissed off about it? We treat each other as equals - is this so wrong? Should I wear a sack cloth and carry ashes hoping to be thrown scraps of food from their groaning table because I am just the girlfriend??

OP posts:
abigcupoffuckyou · 06/08/2017 12:44

But the question is why you were pissed off? Because you assumed you would go and were annoyed that his son was picked instead.

Why do you keep denying the actual point of your own thread? Confused

LT1927 · 06/08/2017 12:46

OP you said in your second post 'of course I don't think that I should come before his DC, how strange that people would think that', but the very fact that you are annoyed that he is taking his golf fan DS on a golf holiday in place of you, who wants to shop and have nothing to do with the golf, tells me that you did think that you should come before his DC.

Original poster
ifcatscouldtalk123 · 06/08/2017 12:47

I am and was pissed off because (and I fear I'm repeating myself) we're all equals. This situation is not equal?? Is this overly simple or complicated?

OP posts:
SpartacusSaiman · 06/08/2017 12:48

If you dont expect to come before his kids?

Why would you be pissed off he is taking his golf loving son on a golf trip and not you.

Why was the expectation you would get first dibs on the trip.

LT1927 · 06/08/2017 12:53

Sorry, but I think you'll find few people who would consider themselves equal priority with his DCs.

Allthebestnamesareused · 06/08/2017 12:54

As another poster says

Is it reasonable for him to take ds? Yes

Is it reasonable for you to be disappointed/pissed off that you're not going? Also yes.

Is it reasonable that OH is treating his daughter to compensate that she can't go too? Yes

It is not unreasonable for the OH to have had a discussion with his partner about his intentions rather than announce them. Perhaps that would have made the OP appreciate why he made his decision and not make her feel unimportant to him.

abigcupoffuckyou · 06/08/2017 12:56

I am and was pissed off because (and I fear I'm repeating myself) we're all equals. This situation is not equal?? Is this overly simple or complicated?

You're not making sense. There was only one place available. You can't both go. So if you go, he doesn't. You were fine with that idea, but not fine with him going and you not.

It has nothing to do with being equal and you know it. You expected to come first.

LeMesmer · 06/08/2017 12:56

Sometimes we are not all equal when it comes to our children though OP, just a simple fact of life for most parents. Even if your family is scrupulously equal, it doesn't follow that you should be the one to go. If you really are fair it should be the golf loving son who goes, as he is the one who would take full advantage of the prize. If DH won this prize and took someone who didn't even like golf, and had no intention of watching, our DS who be so upset he probably would never forgive him.

MargaretTwatyer · 06/08/2017 13:01

You say you just live together. Sex outside marriage is illegal in the UAE and I wouldn't chance it.

AlternativeTentacle · 06/08/2017 13:04

OP you must know that only first wives matter. After that - step mothers are scum and step fathers are heroes. It's the Mumsnet way.

AlternativeTentacle · 06/08/2017 13:05

You say you just live together. Sex outside marriage is illegal in the UAE and I wouldn't chance it.

I could have sworn she said SHOPPING. Not SHAGGING.

Whiterabbitears · 06/08/2017 13:05

I'm not understanding your equal reasoning, there are only two tickets out of four of you, two would have to miss out. It makes sense for the two golf lovers to go to a golf tournament, I would argue that is simple and not overly complicated.

Alfiemoon1 · 06/08/2017 13:05

I think it's a lovely idea for him to take his son who also enjoys golf. I would be miffed at missing out on a holiday but would understand him taking his son so would bite my tongue and look to booking a holiday in future with dp

user1498911589 · 06/08/2017 13:07

YABU, it's a lovely idea that he is taking his son as it's a great opportunity for him to spend time together doing something they both enjoy. You can go shopping anywhere and there is other stuff to do in Dubai than shop which is really rather a waste of a trip to Dubai.

Polly85 · 06/08/2017 13:08

Yabu. You've only been with him for 5 minutes, you have no ownership over that trip whatsoever. Also, it's a golf trip?! He has made the right decision

BertrandRussell · 06/08/2017 13:11

Even if they had been together for ever and this was their joint child it would still be right for him to take his son. This is nothing to do with step parenting!

PinkPanther27 · 06/08/2017 13:12

You are definitely being unreasonable and selfish. If you can't see this and can't be happy for his son to have this amazing opportunity with his Dad then I would question your relationship. I'd be over the moon if it were my son/step son

PelorusJack · 06/08/2017 13:14

Polly
That's quite the exaggeration. 🤔

LT1927 · 06/08/2017 13:19

@Polly85 in fairness to the OP she has been with him a lot longer than 5 minutes.

FlandersRocks · 06/08/2017 13:22

You say you just live together. Sex outside marriage is illegal in the UAE and I wouldn't chance it

I could have sworn she said SHOPPING. Not SHAGGING

There've been cases where unmarried couples have been in the wrong place at the wrong time and been seen kissing/found to be sharing a hotel room and all hell has broken loose.

I love to travel but I wouldn go to UAE with dh if we were unmarried, it's not worth the risk IMO.

Liiinoo · 06/08/2017 13:23

I wouldn't blame you for being jealous that your DSS is going to get this massive treat and you aren't. I would be green with envy in your situation but I would also be very proud that my DP was a good man who put his children first.

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