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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off about holiday

431 replies

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 21:55

A little bit of background. OH and I live together in a very happy relationship, we met about six months after his marriage broke down and I moved in six months later (I know really quick but we're not kids and didn't see the point of hanging around when we are very happy together). He has two children, boy and a girl, nearly 16 and 11. OH is very much into his sport which I don't generally mind, it does take up a lot of our spare time but it gives me down time to enjoy time with friends, catching up with personal stuff (I work long full time hours).

OH recently went abroad on a boys golfing trip, only 5 days and funded entirely by himself. No issues here. While he was abroad he entered a competition for a bit of a laugh with no intention of winning. A bit of a pitch and putt. He's ended up winning an all expenses paid, four day trip to Dubai to watch a golf competition final. Luxury flights, accommodation, meals paid for, you name it.

Fabulous! I get to go shopping in the Dubai malls while he watches the golf. No! He's decided to take his 15 year old son (who shares his love of golf - it would be wrong of me to miss this bit out). The reason being is that his mates would disown him if they thought that he would not take his son and he would be a bad father - not necessarily in that order). The golf will take up a small proportion of the trip.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 06/08/2017 09:09

Obvious YABU

araiwa · 06/08/2017 09:09

Yup, i bet if it was the Bradford golf tournament, op would less enthused about spending 3 days in the arndale centre

OddBoots · 06/08/2017 09:15

I'm not sure I'd want to go to Dubai as an unmarried couple anyway. His nearly drown up son seems the logical person to bring on that particular holiday, especially as you say you have had several holidays together already. I can see why you'd be a little upset though.

SoupDragon · 06/08/2017 09:17

If you had won some sort of luxury trip to Dubai for two I'm sure your OH would expect to be the person you'd take.

Unless it was a luxury trip to watch something the OH has no interest in whilst (insert close person here) is big fan.

It's not a "luxury trip to Dubai" it's a luxury trip to watch a golf final!

LazaUbi · 06/08/2017 09:18

YABU. This sounds like a one-off opportunity for him to do something special with his son.

To be fair, he should also take a special trip away with his daughter. Perhaps a destination of her choosing, when she reaches her 16th birthday.

Book a separate trip for the two of you that doesn't involve golf.

mickeysminnie · 06/08/2017 09:27

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable.
I can see why he would want to bring his son.
I can also see why you would be gutted to miss out n a prize like that.
It is just one of those things!

BasiliskStare · 06/08/2017 09:36

What a fabulous treat for his son who actually likes golf.

Mittens1969 · 06/08/2017 09:44

I don't think it's an issue that he's not taking his DD, though, that just confuses the issue. Where would she go whilst he's watching the golf? And at 11 years old she would have no interest in golf. And I doubt his ex partner would have been happy about that!

A previous PP pointed out, rightly, that an unmarried couple would have to be careful about going to Dubai. It's a strict Muslim country and unmarried sex is frowning upon, tourists have been arrested for it.

Shakey15000 · 06/08/2017 09:48

How bizarre. As has been repeated, it's a GOLF holiday, and you want to, not only spend it shopping, you want to do that OVER your DP choosing to take his son who enjoys GOLF.

Surely, SURELY you can see how this comes across? You should be proud that DP wants to do the right thing not sulking that he hasn't put you first.

Though why anyone would choose to go to Dubai is beyond me, much less to shop, but each to their own Wink

LynetteScavo · 06/08/2017 10:12

YABU

I have a DS, and the thought of DH taking me on this trip rather than DS would be really odd for me. I would even understand if DH took his DF.

Mittens1969 · 06/08/2017 10:17

I think this is connected to OP being what has been known as a 'golf widow'; my DH's grandma was like that. The OP says she doesn't mind, but I think she maybe does. She's thinking, I've been reasonable about the golf up to now, but why should I miss out again!!

OP, why would your DP want to enjoy a golf final without someone to share the moment with, and his DS is the obvious choice.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 06/08/2017 10:24

Only person I feel sorry for is his daughter who is seemingly being excluded because she doesn't love a boring sport. YABU

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 06/08/2017 10:29

Ignore me - I missed the bit where you said his DD is getting treated too to something she really wants. Good! I agree with PP he sounds like a good father, buckle up OP because this is what parents do, you aren't and never will be number 1 (nor should you be) and I think you need to acknowledge and deal with that.

professorvape · 06/08/2017 10:30

YABU! It's a golf holiday! I'd do exactly the same.

flumpybear · 06/08/2017 10:40

I'm guessing that perhaps you don't have children? If it was me, my DD is really into gymnastics and if I were in the sand situation and it was a gymnastics event I'd absolutely take her. When you have kids they really are the most important thing particularly at an age where they're still dependants - they'll grow up and get married etc and the focus will be more on you and holidays I'm sure

Nanny0gg · 06/08/2017 10:41

If the DS was your son too, I would expect him to go on the trip.

Sorry. I think he's doing the right thing.

onaseem · 06/08/2017 11:04

At first I thot you might be reasonable. However after the long discussion i realise you are very insensible and immature. Don't be surprised if he let's go off you in a jiffy.

In short - Either change your attitude else you will be changed.

ittakes2 · 06/08/2017 11:08

Yabu

Buck3t · 06/08/2017 11:25

Ladies it's not hard to RTT. No reason to think that they have only been together six months or 5 years. The OP hasn't said.

I don't think it's unreasonable to be disappointed, but I see no reason why he shouldn't take his son.

RiseToday · 06/08/2017 11:52

It's disappointing for you, I get that. I think most people would feel a little peeved at not being 'chosen'

But, all things considered, I do think he should take his son. It's a fantastic opportunity for them to share a mutual sporting passion. I think you just need to try and get over the disappointment but don't end up resentful, it's not worth it.

You will end up looking bitter.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 06/08/2017 12:00

Good in him, his children should always come before his girlfriends.

Splitting with their mum and living with someone else barely a year later must have been hard for them, there was barely time to get used to them being separated.

It's likely they need some quality time together.

You're an adult, book your own holiday.

Gooseberrycrumble4 · 06/08/2017 12:01

I think it's great he's doing this with his son. Very bonding

Original poster
ifcatscouldtalk123 · 06/08/2017 12:10

I've said little but read with interest the growing level of resentment and false accusations of immaturity and insensibility.

I've been with my partner just short of six years to answer the question. I don't see the relevance.

We offer a secure, happy and stable home to my step children who do not view me as an imposter who's opinions and needs do not matter. We are all equals and those who state I shouldn't be have clearly never lived in the same circumstances. If an opinion of viewing me as a lesser mortal was encouraged we would be raising quite unpleasant children, as it is a viewpoint of equals is healthy.

OP posts:
Whiterabbitears · 06/08/2017 12:17

Agree with those saying the kids come first regardless if you're their mum or not. In this situation both DH and I would choose one of our kids to take if it would benefit them more, we put them first and ourselves second. That's what your partner is doing and that makes him a good dad. Maybe he would prefer to go with you, but he knows his son would enjoy the golf part so he's making that choice by putting his son before his own wants.

I know not everyone would see it that way but lots of parents put their kids before themselves, if you can't get used to his kids coming first you need to think about your future together.

Trb17 · 06/08/2017 12:27

Perfectly said @Whiterabbitears