to be pissed off about holiday

[ifcatscouldtalk123]

A little bit of background. OH and I live together in a very happy relationship, we met about six months after his marriage broke down and I moved in six months later (I know really quick but we're not kids and didn't see the point of hanging around when we are very happy together). He has two children, boy and a girl, nearly 16 and 11. OH is very much into his sport which I don't generally mind, it does take up a lot of our spare time but it gives me down time to enjoy time with friends, catching up with personal stuff (I work long full time hours).

OH recently went abroad on a boys golfing trip, only 5 days and funded entirely by himself. No issues here. While he was abroad he entered a competition for a bit of a laugh with no intention of winning. A bit of a pitch and putt. He's ended up winning an all expenses paid, four day trip to Dubai to watch a golf competition final. Luxury flights, accommodation, meals paid for, you name it.

Fabulous! I get to go shopping in the Dubai malls while he watches the golf. No! He's decided to take his 15 year old son (who shares his love of golf - it would be wrong of me to miss this bit out). The reason being is that his mates would disown him if they thought that he would not take his son and he would be a bad father - not necessarily in that order). The golf will take up a small proportion of the trip.

AIBU to be pissed off?

Soupdragon

Depends which dictionary

I believe the Oxford is renowned as being the one most referred to! Sorry love.

If only every argument was so easy to prove.

Id argue for the daughter but she doesn't like golf and has had a treat she wanted so hasn't been left out.

You are an adult and if you wanted to go you could have easily booked a flight etc but I suspect paying for it yourself isn't what you had in mind.

Wanting to go instead of his child who shares the hobby makes you come across as petty and resentful of his children. However maybe showing him your true colours will open his eyes.

Oh good grief OP I can almost imagine a pet lip. You're banging on about being a stepmother but it didn't enter your head that the bairn might get more out of that trip than you. You should have suggested it yourself if you're so into his kids tthat much.

It's concerning he had to make a load of crap up to justify taking his son away to you. Seriously! Book something else if your feathers are ruffled.

Call yourself what you like. But step up to the mark and put the child first.

Actually, I think the OP has responded well to the barrage of utter nastiness and rudeness displayed.

RadioGagoo I agree.

Me too actually. At least OP hasn't gone off in a huff and said boo hoo I'm having this thread deleted because a lot of people disagreed. You stood your ground. Well done.

I don't disagree that you are their stepmother OP, but you are not acting like a very kind one. It is one holiday of a few days, can't you just let them enjoy it and be happy for them? I would if it was DH and DS, even though I would love to see the golf myself (not too keen on Dubaï though).

Your DSD seems happy with it and she really has more reason to object. I know she is getting a present instead but she is a child. As an adult you don't need to go and you don't need to be compensated.

How long is the holiday for? Even if you did go you would probably see very little of DP.

I don't understand why you are so miffed OP?

Your boyfriend is taking his son on a trip that they will both enjoy, having a shared interest in Golf, and they get to spend quality time together.

What is so wrong with that? Or, what exactly is your issue with that?

I should have said mother or stepmother really doesn't make any difference here. You ate being unkind as a person not really as a 'stepmother'.

Are not ate

Vivienne you've changed your tune?

Now I'm proved correct I'm being childish. I note very little was commented on about the abuse I received.

The children are treated with respect and care in our home, they love coming here and do not want for any love or affection. We are all equals in this home with not one of us "coming first". Needs are followed by wants, if an adult has a need that comes before a child's want then that is the way. This situation is unique and my question was simply was I wrong to be pissed off as we all had equal rights to be there. If money was no option we'd all go, but sadly that is not the case as to pay for this type of break would be out of our range. It is only because it was won that father and son can go.

I stand back and wait for a barrage of abuse about being a money grabbing witch which usually happens if a SM mentions anything to do with money.

I can understand that you are disappointed but he is trying to share a special time with his son which is exactly what he should be doing

Can you and him not book a separate trip?

Did he discuss it with you?

I think the OP has responded well too especially considering most posters (including me) have said she is being unreasonable. She's made it clear she isn't telling her DP and her DSS that's she's a bit pissed off in real life. She just wants a bit of a moan on Mumsnet and to get other posters opinions. I don't get the impression she minds that posters disagree with her. - it's just the nasty snidey posters she has a problem with. I don't blame her.

How has the OP been unkind? She hasn't mentioned her feeling to her DSS or her partner. She just quietly pissed off. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The dictionary definitions I checked gave a stepmother as somebody who was married to one's father. Check them yourself. You seem determined to be proved right and that you are absolutely entitled to go on the holiday.

Your partner has chosen to take his son and you're annoyed. Well life is annoying at times. The person entitled to go on the holiday is the person the winner of the holiday choses to take. You seem to be overly sensitive to this. There will be other holidays. It seems you are looking forward to a barrage of abuse in a funny sort of way. Sorry to disappoint you.

YABU- you won't appreciate the trip as you are not a golf fan. His son is

OP what do you want to happen now ?

I think she is being unkind just thinking it really, but I agree far better than saying it. I really think you are being unreasonable to be pissed off about it, and I would never say anything about stepmother, money etc. I don't think it has anything to do with it, and I don't think you are thinking of the money either OP.

I absolutely don't expect unanimous support. If I did I wouldn't have posted here, there are other forums out there who provide that but are a little too harsh in my opinion.

I am interested in everyone's point of view but when it gets unkind and abusive then I'll stick up for myself. I note the abusers have disappeared (for now) and whilst not everyone agrees we're back to being respectful of each other. I don't mind a healthy debate another reason I posted here. Thanks all.

How long is the trip for OP, and what days?