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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off about holiday

431 replies

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 21:55

A little bit of background. OH and I live together in a very happy relationship, we met about six months after his marriage broke down and I moved in six months later (I know really quick but we're not kids and didn't see the point of hanging around when we are very happy together). He has two children, boy and a girl, nearly 16 and 11. OH is very much into his sport which I don't generally mind, it does take up a lot of our spare time but it gives me down time to enjoy time with friends, catching up with personal stuff (I work long full time hours).

OH recently went abroad on a boys golfing trip, only 5 days and funded entirely by himself. No issues here. While he was abroad he entered a competition for a bit of a laugh with no intention of winning. A bit of a pitch and putt. He's ended up winning an all expenses paid, four day trip to Dubai to watch a golf competition final. Luxury flights, accommodation, meals paid for, you name it.

Fabulous! I get to go shopping in the Dubai malls while he watches the golf. No! He's decided to take his 15 year old son (who shares his love of golf - it would be wrong of me to miss this bit out). The reason being is that his mates would disown him if they thought that he would not take his son and he would be a bad father - not necessarily in that order). The golf will take up a small proportion of the trip.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:

BasiliskStare · 06/08/2017 17:27

& my comment stands whether DSS or DS .

MartinJD · 06/08/2017 17:32

Why on earth would you be upset about not going to Dubai? it's almost entirely built upon imported slave labor and It's full of nouveau riche vulgar essex types. Unless you're into that kind of thing of course?

Best,
M.JD

Getoutofthatgarden · 06/08/2017 18:00

OP you're a step-mum therefore, according to Mumsnet, you're automatically wrong. Step-mums are not allowed to come on here and have a little moan or a rant like other mothers can.

HadronCollider · 06/08/2017 18:00

Buck3t We are alone. Mind you OP has not returned to clarify further.

BeccaAnn · 06/08/2017 18:20

I'd be a bit put out, but then remember how unbearably hot Dubai is and how it can be a PITA being female in the UAE. (although Dubai is certainly not as bad as other cities). I'd feel more sorry for your DSD who's not getting any holiday time with her dad. Could you book a fancy hotel and spa thing for 'the girls' while the boys are away so you all get a treat?

abigcupoffuckyou · 06/08/2017 18:20

OP you're a step-mum therefore, according to Mumsnet, you're automatically wrong

I wish people would stop wheeling out this shit, its like a get out of jail free card for you to use.
It makes no difference if you a step parent, you are either unreasonable or you aren't. It's not everyone elses fault that so many step parents come on here to be unreasonable!

Original poster

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 06/08/2017 18:32

Of course it makes a difference if you're a step mum or not. If I'd left that bit out and said I was pissed off about me and DD rather than DSD being left at home I'd have been supported and told he's a bastard! As it is he's a hero and I'm a witch for even thinking we could all go or that I should have been considered in the process.

As for not being a SM because we're not married - nonsense! What difference does the bit Of paper make? Are mums not mums if they're not married? Crap!

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 06/08/2017 18:37

OP is not a stepmum . She is their father's girlfriend not his wife.

abigcupoffuckyou · 06/08/2017 18:38

If I'd left that bit out and said I was pissed off about me and DD rather than DSD being left at home I'd have been supported and told he's a bastard!

You really wouldn't, at all. What a handy get out for you though, it must be comforting to tell yourself its not you, its us.
It's you, pet.

CV893 · 06/08/2017 18:38

I would have thought as he won it he can take who he likes. This is what you get when you take on a man with kids.

abigcupoffuckyou · 06/08/2017 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 06/08/2017 19:01

Where does your definition come from?

You are rude and deeply unpleasant!

Is your mind so bitter that you can't accept a person who takes on some of the care of another's children is fundamentally wrong (and full of shit as you're so fond of saying) simply because they are not married to the father or the birth mother of the child.

OP posts:

Mittens1969 · 06/08/2017 19:03

And it's not true that we would have said you were right to be upset if you weren't a stepmum. There are wonderful stepmums around.

The issue is your OH wanted to take his DS with him because he likes golf. It will be lovely for them to be able to share their joint hobby.

Viviennemary · 06/08/2017 19:06

Quite simply the definition of a stepmother is a woman who marries your father after his wife dies or they are divorced. Since neither applies in your case you're not a Stepmother. Fact.

Original poster

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 06/08/2017 19:12

I ask again, who's definition? Who says that someone who cares for her partner's children on a several times a week basis is not a SM?

OP posts:

Buck3t · 06/08/2017 19:13

So hold on let me get this straight. You are not a stepmum if you are not married, even when you are living as husband and wife for longer than the alleged 5 mins. So in reality she really shouldn't do anything for his children as she has even lesser status than a stepmother. There you go OP tools down. Your nothing to any of these people. That's why it's more than okay for him to not even consider you as an option.

Wow.

You guys really are jokers.

Original poster

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 06/08/2017 19:13

There are scores of messages on here that prove me right in relation to a SM not being given the same support as a mum.

OP posts:

Original poster

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 06/08/2017 19:14

Thank you @Buck3t

OP posts:

thornyhousewife · 06/08/2017 19:15

He can go on holiday with you any time, this trip is specific to their shared hobby.

Yabvu.

SoupDragon · 06/08/2017 19:18

Where does your definition come from?

The dictionary.

gamerchick · 06/08/2017 19:18

. If I'd left that bit out and said I was pissed off about me and DD rather than DSD being left at home I'd have been supported and told he's a bastard! As it is he's a hero and I'm a witch for even thinking we could all go or that I should have been considered in the process

I dont think that would have happened tbh. It's a golf thing, 2 out of 4 of you don't like golf and it would be a perfect way for father son to bond over. You would have been encouraged to do something with the daughter as you have been on this thread.

RadioGaGoo · 06/08/2017 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SoupDragon · 06/08/2017 19:19

If I'd left that bit out and said I was pissed off about me and DD rather than DSD being left at home I'd have been supported and told he's a bastard!

No you wouldn't because the son loves golf and you don't. It's as simple as that. It doesn't matter that they aren't your children.

Mittens1969 · 06/08/2017 19:20

I would say it's splitting hairs to say she isn't the stepmum, a lot of couples don't get married these days. If you're playing a part in looking alter your partner's children, then you are a stepmum as I see it.

That isn't the issue here. I understand you're disappointed because you thought you were going to Dubai. But it does make sense for it to be a treat for him and his DS. You could suggest a girly time for you and his DD (a chance to bond with her further) obviously if his ex is ok with it of course.

Original poster

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 06/08/2017 19:24

@soupdragon - oh really? Different dictionary to the one I use?

OP posts:

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