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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

That they should have just got a fucking babysitter

288 replies

Happyeverafter73 · 04/08/2017 19:13

I am sitting in a nice restaurant trying to have a good evening with my friends. And the couple next to me have their baby, no more than 1 month old. Screaming his or her head off for half an hour.

AIBU that they should not bring a tiny baby into a restaurant?

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 05/08/2017 22:14

Because what every parent wants is random waiters to cuddle their newborn....? Hmm

CitrusSun · 05/08/2017 22:29

Poor baby

Squirrel17 · 05/08/2017 22:39

New to mumsnet and genuinely surprised by the negativity and anger towards an unknown couple and their baby. The level of anger from some people on here is quite worrying. Pre children I may have thought it was really annoying and selfish but now as a mum I just feel bad for the parents for having complete strangers rip them apart because their newborn was crying in a restaurant. I agree taking it in turns to try and settle it would make sense but not sure all this nastiness is required in expressing that fact.

Matronlittletimeaway · 05/08/2017 22:42

I can't have a kitten. Meh.

abigcupoffuckyou · 05/08/2017 22:54

The level of anger from some people on here is quite worrying

If you're new to forums the first thing you need to realise is that you cannot read anger from words on a screen, so stop projecting and making up tone in your head.

Aridane · 05/08/2017 22:58

Because what every parent wants is random waiters to cuddle their newborn....?

Lol!

lifebook · 05/08/2017 23:05

Blimey squirrel you may be in for a slight shock in that case

Mittens1969 · 05/08/2017 23:08

Squirrel, this thread is mild compared to some of the others on mumsnet. It's simply that posters feel free to really express what they actually think.

sympatico1 · 05/08/2017 23:16

The worrying thing in this scenario, is that the parents of the baby could just leave it crying and carry on eating their meal. If this were me, the discomfort of other diners would worry me, but not half as much as the discomfort of my poor baby. The urge to comfort a crying baby is hard to resist (for good reason) and I am amazed that the baby could be ignored at all, never mind for a length of time.

littlebillie · 05/08/2017 23:30

Feel for the baby

Viviennemary · 05/08/2017 23:33

Totally agree. So rude and selfish. We had a lunch ruined by screaming baby. Haven't gone back to that particular restaurant again. What about the poor people who may have paid out for babysitters to have their meal ruined by somebody else's screaming child.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 06/08/2017 06:17

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FanjoForTheMammaries · 06/08/2017 06:18

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FanjoForTheMammaries · 06/08/2017 06:25

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Blueskyrain · 06/08/2017 07:19

We've got a baby just slightly older. We've been to restaurants, to cafes daily, out with friends etc, and she hasn't cried at any of them. If she did, I'd take her out to calm her down straight away. If she gets a bit wriggly (but before the first cry), I put her in a sling which makes her very content and she usually just goes to sleep.

Honestly, if you couldn't see her, you wouldn't know she was there. Older children are a other matter, but newborns are easy like this.

FrancisCrawford · 06/08/2017 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TipTopTipTopClop · 06/08/2017 07:25

Not sure what is so controversial here. If you take a one month old baby to a restaurant, it almost certainly will be OK. If it's not, and the baby screams sustainedly, you have to leave.

TipTopTipTopClop · 06/08/2017 07:31

When I took my children as newborns to any properly nice restaurant (this was in NYC, then London) I generally had a warning from the manager that I'd have to leave if they cried.

I would take that risk with a one month old, but they can be colicky as we all know.

LesLavandes · 06/08/2017 07:35

YANBU. We took our baby to many restaurants. He just slept but would have taken him out if he cried. We were in Miami when he was 3 months old, having dinner at a restaurant. He was in car seat under table asleep. We had a nice evening, paid and left. Walked don a shopping mall looking i. The windows. A Chinese waiter, sweat pouring from his face, came running to us and uttered 'you left your baby in the restaurant'. I will never forget the shock. We forgot him...

theaveragewife · 06/08/2017 08:20

Hmmmm, I had PND after my first child and felt very anxious and judged every time I left the house, so would often go out for dinner with dh later on in the day for a break, I hope this thread doesn't affect anyone who feels like that now.

The message is clear from many posters that they expect babies to not be allowed in naice restaurants in the (early?) eve, regardless of whether the ops problem is the crying or the present baby, which is really sad.

Being a parent can be very isolating as it is, without the judgement. Babies are people too Wink

MaisyPops · 06/08/2017 08:27

The issue isn't that the parents have gone out, it's that when baby has got upset and is crying they've just ignored it.

People are saying that the waiters should settle the baby, and then get into trouble because another table is waiting to be served whilst they're being child care?

People are saying that other customers should have stepped in because maybe it was a special meal for the parents, maybe it's a special meal for the other customers.

I don't agree with any nastiness on this thread, but common sense says a new baby will probably be fine but if they're not then one of the parents needs to take baby outside and get them settled.

Skarossinkplunger · 06/08/2017 08:31

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TipTopTipTopClop · 06/08/2017 08:37

Hmmmm, I had PND after my first child and felt very anxious and judged every time I left the house, so would often go out for dinner with dh later on in the day for a break, I hope this thread doesn't affect anyone who feels like that now.

Let's not infantilise women just because they're post-partum. Common sense does or should say, don't subject your fellow diners in a nice restaurant to a screaming baby.

Not to mention the husband could have dealt with this?

strawberrisc · 06/08/2017 08:59

Hmmmm, I had PND after my first child and felt very anxious and judged every time I left the house, so would often go out for dinner with dh later on in the day for a break, I hope this thread doesn't affect anyone who feels like that now.

Me too. My daughter cried for pretty much 3 months without stopping. I don't drive so I would often find myself having to listen to comments such as "that child is hot/cold/hungry/tired" by old biddies. However, I would NEVER have taken her into a restaurant or cafe because unlike transport I didn't have to. I turned down a family holiday (via air travel) for the same reason. Even during my 10 day stay in hospital after she was born I'd take her out of the ward to breastfeed her when she started crying in the night.

MumOnBus · 06/08/2017 09:08

I confess that I haven't read all the posts, but the story reminded me of an occasion where I organised a formal dinner with colleagues and various other guests (around 90 in total) and one of my colleagues and his wife declined the invite because of their young baby (other colleagues with children did in fact organise baby-sitting). Anyway, as we are supposed to be a family-friendly employer, I insisted that the baby was welcome, and on their arrival I checked they had been given a table near the edge, should either parent needed a discreet exit with a crying baby (they had not, but I rearranged that, and another couple were happy to swap).
The baby was adorable and was beautifully behaved most of the time, however, being a baby of course, she did cry at one point, and her mother took her out of the dinning hall to calm her down. I could see she seemed embarrassed, or maybe I just felt guilty for having put her in that position by insisting they were welcome, so I went to keep them company for a bit until the father also came out (and the baby did calm down quite quickly actually, seemed to have liked my smiley face!).
I did this because of not wishing them to feel unwelcome at any point, however by reading the faces around the room, most people either didn't even notice, and the few who seem to have done, seemed sympathetic about the situation. There were not judgy looks, eyes rolling nor people resorting to their phones to post about it.

Maybe what the OP and her MNers friends at the table should have done is to offer a bit of sympathy to the couple (as many of the posters here say they would have done). Perhaps that baby would have also reacted positively to smiley faces (it works sometimes!)