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Original poster

Are nurseries really THAT bad ?

146 replies

bookworm91 · 04/08/2017 09:49

Three people I know who work in nurseries have said they would never put their child in one. ( and one of them has a child herself.) One of them even went so far as saying they dont understand why you qould have children just to put them in a nursery Hmm . I have a 3 year old who goes 2 days a week and as far as in aware she seems happy there.... But my freinds who work in nurseries have said that they arent great , children dont get individual attention and its often chaotic and theres so many children they cant see to all their emotional individual needs. So would i be unreasonanle to ask any nursery practitioners etc is it really that bad ?!?!

OP posts:
KittyVonCatsington · 04/08/2017 15:23

Nope, they were childminders Tanith -the ones I am referring to told me they were and were well known as ones - all perfectly nice people but not giving one to one attention to any of their charges and often not even looking at them causing havoc etc.

Even if they were Nannies, Au Pairs, family members, I still don't see how they are automatically better than all nurseries, as plenty of posters have stated?

babybat · 04/08/2017 15:40

It very much depends on the nursery - some are good, some aren't. DD has been at nursery full time since she was one. It's provided by my employer and there's a long waiting list because it has a very good reputation, outstanding OFSTED, 1:3 ratio. They do such a wide range of activities and she seems to really enjoy it.

When I was on mat leave, and at weekends, she has to fit into family life, so while we'd do trips to the library and the park, that also means going to the supermarket and other stuff that I doubt she gets much out of. When she's at nursery she's with people whose focus is on providing a stimulating environment for her. I love my child, but I don't believe that being at home with me is better for her than being in a purpose-designed environment with trained professionals. If my childcare options were less good it might be different, but having seen how she thrives at a good nursery, I'm confident that it's the right choice for us.

Hulababy · 04/08/2017 15:54

The individual thing is nonsense anyway unless you choose a childminder who has no other mindees or children if their own, or even if you only have one child yourself.

Dd went to nursery from about 5/6months as that's when I returned to work (used to only get 16 weeks may leave.)

We never had a days issue ever. As she got older it was very clear that she loved her 2 days a week there, eventually moving up to 3 and then 3.5 she got older.

Dd was always a very sociable baby and toddler and was talking and walking fairly early. She loved the interaction with other children of different ages. It certainly didn't do her any harm.

If the nurseries these friends are so bad why on earth are they not doing something about it? Complaining to management? Trying to change things?

Hulababy · 04/08/2017 16:00

The thing is whilst there are some not so great nurseries there are also some not so good childminders. There are always both sides in all settings. And this carries in into schools, ASC, clubs etc.

It's just a case of doing research, monitoring and keeping an eye/ear out and taking action if you see things amiss.

I visited several nurseries and a couple of childminders before making our decision, and did so again when we moved her aged 2 due to my job change. I chose the setting where I felt her needs would be best met. But I still kept on monitoring too once she was there.

You can never be 100% certain with any setting. Heck, read MN enough and even leaving them 1:1 with family doesn't always work out. But you have to trust you're own instincts.

If dd's nursery staff had shown signs of being uninterested and only doing the bare minimum we'd have had her out of there immediately.

museumum · 04/08/2017 16:02

My ds is an only so bad actually think it's good he's not got 1:1 attention 100% of the time. Most of his friends have younger siblings so had to learn at home that they can't always have instant attention but my ds is frankly spoiled for adult attention at home with me and dh and also with his GPs.

Hulababy · 04/08/2017 16:06

Nurseries are there primarily to make money, they are a business firstly.

As are childminders and nannies. They do the job to earn money. Many childminders - not all I know, but several I know of - do the job in the first instance so that they can earn enough money to allow them to stay at home with their own child.

Nannies do the job for money.

Not one of these childcare settings do it for free!

Yukbuck · 04/08/2017 16:26

Nannies do the job for money.

Hmm I'd have to disagree here. I'm a nanny and (okay not all) I stay in contact with families when I leave them because I have a genuine love for the kids. I love them the same as a niece or nephew and I can't imagine my life without them.
Once I've finished with a family, I spend lots of time with them (for free) because I miss and love them.
Of course first and foremost I need money, but the reason I am a nanny is because I love working with children and it's a job I enjoy which in turn means that the kids are loved. I can't see nursery workers taking kids out for free at the weekend?!

Allthewaves · 04/08/2017 16:54

My daycare. The owner and the manager all have kids in the daycare

doughnutcraver · 04/08/2017 17:07

My sister works in a nursery and was offered a big discount if she put her child in there but she chose a childminder when she went back after maternity leave.

coldcanary · 04/08/2017 17:08

I'm getting mildly annoyed at my old boss about not getting a staff bloody discount on fees!

Atenco · 04/08/2017 17:09

It is so totally wrong that nursery workers are paid so little. Honestly, if I ruled the world, of all the teachers, nursery workers would be the best paid and university professors would be the lowest paid, no offense intended to professors here, either. Just because the first few years of a child's life are so formative.

I was lucky enough to be able to send my dd to a nursery with a very high staff-child ratio that was lovely and she only went until 2:30 everyday. Under those circumstances, especially as an only child, she really benefitted all round.

Harvey246 · 04/08/2017 17:16

Out of interest why would you say preschool over nursery for older kids justkeepswimmingg? What are the differences?

grasspigeons · 04/08/2017 17:23

I find a lot of teachers use childminders over nursery style day care too, certainly until their children are more 3 years old. I found it quite interesting. We used a nursery in and around other types of care, from 9 months of age. I think it was safe and stimulating on the pros but most of the advantages didn't kick in until my children were walking and talking and playing alongside others. I think a nanny or childminder would probably met their needs better at the start.

coddiwomple · 04/08/2017 17:27

It is so totally wrong that nursery workers are paid so little

couldn't agree more. The "free" 15 or 30 hours government program does not help a bit.

I am also shocked by the amount of parents who complain about the cost of childcare BUT see nothing wrong in employing a cleaner.

MadMags · 04/08/2017 17:33

I worked in one for years before I moved on to a totally different career.

If I'm being 100% honest, I wouldn't leave a child younger than 3 years old in one.

I also don't think the full time hours some children are in is great but of course it can't be helped a lot of time.

The problem is as a nursery worker you see all the bad parents as well as the normal ones. So for every parent who drops and collects with a smile and a quick chat, there are the people who demand to know why you won't open weekends, the ones who show up hours late, the ones who couldn't care less about their dc. It can be tough to watch and bar reporting there's really not a lot you can do.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/08/2017 17:37

All the childminders here have tinies, pre-schoolers and schoolers on their books, which means the tinies are doing several school runs a day in buggies. I don't see where the CMs have time to be doing child-led play, once you factor in meals and naps. That was just one of the factors that led me to put my DS in his nursery. He had four happy years there and loved every minute.

And I had a job on and off during that time where I could see into the nursery window, which I made full use of - never saw anything more alarming than happy kids and happy staff!

strawberrygate · 04/08/2017 17:40

Lonny i'm a cm who works with an assistant. if we're busy playing, or the weather's atrocious, the little ones stay with him while I do the school run.
If the weather's reasonable, we all go out for the walk. The little ones love collecting their siblings / older friends from school.
Best of both worlds

TheNightmanCometh · 04/08/2017 17:47

Personally I wouldn't be too bothered by younger kids going on school runs. It's fresh air, out and about. Admittedly I've not used a CM myself and am unlikely to do so, but I have taken a younger child on school runs and they enjoy it.

paddypants13 · 04/08/2017 18:04

Dd has attended two nurseries (only changed because of house move) and she absolutely loved both of them.

She started at 9 months two days a week and would bounce up and down with excitement as we approached.

They've both had a very positive influence on her and ds will start in Sept.

Babbitywabbit · 04/08/2017 18:06

IME in real life the women who are most vociferous in their dislike of nurseries have almost always had another agenda going on. Often they never intended to return to work anyway, not being able to afford nursery care, or just breaking even and deciding they weren't prepared to take the financial hit, or preferring to stay home rather than return to work. And I'm talking about a very small number of women anyway.

Out of my friends who returned to work, some chose other forms of care over nursery for a variety of reasons... in some cases financial (cm offering greater flexibility, only charging half rates for weeks they weren't used) and in other cases because of a personal preference for a home setting. None of them slated nurseries though- they just made their own choice based on their knowledge of their child.

Saysomething88 · 04/08/2017 18:11

I work in schools nurseries and pre schools. My children go to nursery. Ratios- under 2: 1 adult to 2 children. Under 3: 4 children to 1 adult. Under 4: 8 children to 1 adult.
I am moving my son who is almost 4. The nursery were in consistent and he didn't like the non routine of the day.
My daughter on the other hand is 20 months. She had the best key worker I could ask for. Consistency and always happy.

Many of the nursery workers also put their kid in nursery. It's either that or a child minder or stay at home. Pick what's right and works for you.
No way would I work somewhere that I wouldn't send my child

RudeDog · 04/08/2017 18:43

DD was in nursery part time from 14 months.
I had issues with the nursery but DD loved it and was very sad to leave. Their staff turnover was low so she had long term relationships with the staff and is still excited to see them years later.
She's an only child so the opportunity to spend all day with other children was great, as well as playing out most of the day.

I wasn't impressed by any of the CM I met whilst on maternity, so many seemed to actively dislike the children they looked after. They just took them from playgroup to playgroup

DDs childminder now is very different though! Might have done things different if I had known her then

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 04/08/2017 19:13

Most nurseries are great, presumably there are some not so good hence Ofsted inspections like schools have etc.

I'd rather have a higher ratio than a childminder or nanny has as wouldn't ever use a lone worker as childcare.

Staff tend to want to work with children as opposed to just wanting to be home with their own. The children are on site bar trips so no being taken shopping etc or endless school runs.

Caterina99 · 04/08/2017 21:11

My DS age 2 does 2 mornings a week at nursery even though I'm currently a sahm. He loves it. I personally don't think it's the best environment full time for babies, although I appreciate not everyone has a choice. But for toddlers and older kids it seems to work well if it's a good fit!

Presumably people who work in nurseries actually like small children and spending all day with them (you'd hope) so of course they'd want to stay at home with their own kids doing wholesome activities. I, on the other hand do not particularly enjoy interacting with a toddler all day and am glad he has at least 2 mornings where he does wholy child focused activities.

Hulababy · 04/08/2017 21:12

Grass pigeons - the teachers I know where I am now who use childminders do so primarily as they can organise longer hours with the ones they've chosen, as many of the local nurseries are only 8am - 6pm.
I was still teaching proper when I had Dd but chose a nursery , as did several teacher friends I knew at the time, as the nursery local to my school at the time had fairly long wrap around care.