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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are nurseries really THAT bad ?

146 replies

bookworm91 · 04/08/2017 09:49

Three people I know who work in nurseries have said they would never put their child in one. ( and one of them has a child herself.) One of them even went so far as saying they dont understand why you qould have children just to put them in a nursery . I have a 3 year old who goes 2 days a week and as far as in aware she seems happy there.... But my freinds who work in nurseries have said that they arent great , children dont get individual attention and its often chaotic and theres so many children they cant see to all their emotional individual needs. So would i be unreasonanle to ask any nursery practitioners etc is it really that bad ?!?!

OP posts:

Pigface1 · 04/08/2017 12:10

Well obviously they vary hugely. But my limited experience is that children tend to love nursery.

I know it was the best part of 3 decades ago but I was sent to nursery full time from around two and I have such happy memories of it. I have several colleagues whose children love nursery so much they hate to leave in the evenings - in fact I know a SAHM who sends her son two days a week because he loves it so much!!

I would have thought it's good for their development as well - particularly developing their social skills and strengthening their immune systems.

Pigface1 · 04/08/2017 12:16

Btw if nurseries aren't suitable for babies, I'm confused about what environment would be better and why? Assuming that having a SAHP isn't financially viable? Why would a childminder be any better - why would you want a baby to be driven round in a car by someone you haven't seen drive?

NotMyPenguin · 04/08/2017 12:17

Childminders don't necessarily drive your child around in a car... if you live somewhere urban, most are based from their home and will walk and use public transport...

KittyVonCatsington · 04/08/2017 12:21

if you live somewhere urban, most are based from their home and will walk and use public transport...

Good point, but how is being strapped in a buggy for a long period better than not at all at nursery? Not directly aimed at you but a lot of the initial posts seemed to infer that childminders were the gold standard alternative to nurseries. Both have advantages and disadvantages that are totally dependent on the nursery or childminder in question.

MessyBun247 · 04/08/2017 12:21

Ive worked in nurseries and would never put my child in one, especially not a child who is under 3. Am sure there is some decent ones out there, but they are far and few between. Members of staff who have children in the setting probably get a bit of discount, and also are able to physically keep an eye on the level of care their child is receiving, something parents cant do. Ive seen a manager say 'oh yes your baby had a great day and was so settled' when really the baby was unsettled and distressed for most of the 9 hours they were in the setting. The manager was just thinking of the money! Its a business after all.
Im not trying to make anyone feel bad, just giving my opinion based on experience.

MessyBun247 · 04/08/2017 12:25

We all know toddlers and kids are hard work, at least at nursery they can step out for 5 mins and breathe when it's too much.

Er....no they cant? Staff have to stay in the room for safety and insurance purposes. If you step out of the room you could lose your job.

KittyVonCatsington · 04/08/2017 12:26

Ive seen a manager say 'oh yes your baby had a great day and was so settled' when really the baby was unsettled and distressed for most of the 9 hours they were in the setting. The manager was just thinking of the money! Its a business after all.

And what is to stop a childminder from also saying this? They run a business too after all. And grandparents or family members may not give you the whole picture either if they don't want to admit DC had a fall or they plonked them in front of the TV all day.

I'm sorry if it seems like I am having a go and your post was just trying to be helpful from a different perspective, but if you had seen that happen, did you report it to stop it happening again?

JustDanceAddict · 04/08/2017 12:29

My two went v part time - 2 mornings (8-1ish) from age 2-ish. Both enjoyed it.
Then started school nursery at 3ish.
Never sent them as babies. DD went age 14 months for a term, I was doing a bit of work, but I pulled her out after a term and re-started her somewhere else at age 2.

MinnowFilms · 04/08/2017 12:36

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MessyBun247 · 04/08/2017 12:37

I reported it but nothing was done. I actually raised quite a few issues but the manager was always able to talk her way out of it. Thats why I left.

And youre right, theres nothing stopping ANY childcare professional lying. Scary but true.

MynameisJune · 04/08/2017 13:41

Messy in the nursery my DD goes to they certainly can step out of the room as there are more staff than the recommended ratio.

MynameisJune · 04/08/2017 13:42

They also record everything on an app, including pictures and videos of what she has been doing. So I'm relatively happy that she isn't unsettled for the 8.5hrs a day she is there.

glow1984 · 04/08/2017 13:45

My one year old goes to nursery full time, and has been doing so since he was 6 months old. There is no financial gain for me to work; all my money goes on his nursery but I wouldn’t have it any other way as he is thriving in the nursery environment. He and another baby the same age will sit and babble together, so I’d like to think he is making friends too!

FuckYouLinda · 04/08/2017 13:46

Quite a few of the nursery staff in my nursery have their own children in there being cared for by their colleagues. That is a good endorsement as far as I'm concerned.

Me264 · 04/08/2017 13:47

My DS is 17 months and has been at nursery 4 days a week since he was 10 months. At first I didn't think it was bad for him but not as good as being with me at home. Now he's a bit older I think it's really starting to benefit him - he does so many activities there that I wouldn't be able to do with him at home, they go out on trips to the library sometimes for song time and to the park to feed the ducks, they have toys galore, he eats well and sleeps well every day in a good routine. I'm very happy with leaving him there and he is visibly excited when they open the door to us in the morning.

justkeepswimmingg · 04/08/2017 13:51

I've worked in several nurseries, and I wouldn't put any of my DC is a nursery. I also wouldn't work in one again. The list is endless as to why.
For a baby I'd recommend a nanny/childminder, and older children a preschool/playgroup. It's all personal choice though, and if you feel confident in your decision then that's no ones business to interfere.

coldcanary · 04/08/2017 14:01

I've worked in Nurseries and as a childminder. My own DC's went to the nursery I worked at. I can kind of see both sides to this tbh.
A NN can't give each child the level of attention they might need due to staffing levels, we could try and some days I would have a conveyor belt of children sitting on my knees and telling me the important things they just HAD to say or comforting an unsettled baby etc. However the paperwork involved in childcare racks up over the course of the day along with the practicalities of working in daycare - overseeing lunches, nappies, naptime, setting up play areas, dealing with parents. We did our best but sometimes actually being able to sit down on the floor and play cars or song songs with a group of children felt like an added bonus - I got into childcare because I love working with children. It seemed to me when I left that actual childcare was being left behind and being replaced by an admin job.

sadmum2017 · 04/08/2017 14:02

To say children don't get enough individual attention at nursery is strange. The ratio for us is 1 nursery nurse to 3 children. There are lots of parents out there who have 3 children...do they not get enough attention either?

Our nursery is excellent. It's small, and we know the staff well now. I went by the excellent inspection reports and word of mouth. I was looked after by a childminder before I started school, and she was a witch. I remember well and prefer the nursery setting for my children.

MetalMidget · 04/08/2017 14:06

My 12 month old is in nursery full time, and has been since he was 8 months old. He loves it! I drop him off, he's all giggly and smiley, I pick him up, he's giggly and smiley. I get photo and diary updates of all of the mad activities he does - playing in sand, or jelly, or painting, as well as enjoying random toys. He goes out into the garden everyday. They regularly go on trips out to the park. One of his friends in the baby room is the son of one of the nursery assistants.

I honestly felt that nursery was the best option for us - most of the childminders in our area have at least three children at a time, so the carer to child ratio was actually better, and he's only with children of a similar age at nursery. I also felt more comfortable knowing that there were multiple members of staff.

I'd love to spend more time with my little man, but my industry is pretty hostile to both career breaks and part time hours. I'm hoping to cut my hours back once he goes to school, so I can pick him up.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 04/08/2017 14:11

I'm sure some nurseries are that bad and many aren't.

We changed nurseries once because we felt it was not the kind of nurturing environment we wanted but were perfectly happy with the next one and our DC have very fond memories of it. Am a bit sad that eldest can't remember really it anymore though.

Tanith · 04/08/2017 14:16

"There are plenty of dodgy childminders out there too (saw plenty during my maternity leave in playgroups and playgrounds not giving their charges one to one attention or any attention at all in some cases )"

These days, they are much more likely to be nannies, au pairs, friends, grandparents, illegal minders etc. All these people meet up in playgroups and playgrounds.
Childminders are bec

ClarkWGriswold · 04/08/2017 14:18

I must have had a very good nursery then because in the five years that my DDs were going through the nursery at least a dozen of the girls working there put their own children in when they returned to work.

I suppose it's like anything; some are good and some are not.

FrogsSitonLogs · 04/08/2017 14:27

All the nursery workers at my DC's nursery have their children placed there. My dc love it.

TheNightmanCometh · 04/08/2017 14:56

IME most of the people who say they wouldn't send their children to nursery are often the ones who have a family network they can rely on for childcare.

Yes, definitely. I'm a big fan of nursery for 2.5-3ish up, I've used them optionally for that, but wouldn't want to before 2. I also have lots of family help, as well as the ability to do mutual part timing with DH, and there are CMs locally who I know and would look to first. These things have, realistically, influenced my views.

gastropod · 04/08/2017 15:22

Both of mine were in nursery more or less full time (8.30-3.30) from the age of 6 months, until they were 3 (when they started pre-school - also full time). They both seemed content to go, and rested and happy when I collected them, so I certainly don't regret sending them.

I'm the main breadwinner in our household so it wasn't an option for me not to return to work.

Two income families seem to be the norm here (Brussels) anyway, and childcare is affordable, so it's pretty common for babies to go to nursery fairly young. It's only my friends in the UK that raised an eyebrow when I said I was only taking 6 months maternity leave! (Most Belgian women only get 3 months.)

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