Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are nurseries really THAT bad ?

146 replies

bookworm91 · 04/08/2017 09:49

Three people I know who work in nurseries have said they would never put their child in one. ( and one of them has a child herself.) One of them even went so far as saying they dont understand why you qould have children just to put them in a nursery Hmm . I have a 3 year old who goes 2 days a week and as far as in aware she seems happy there.... But my freinds who work in nurseries have said that they arent great , children dont get individual attention and its often chaotic and theres so many children they cant see to all their emotional individual needs. So would i be unreasonanle to ask any nursery practitioners etc is it really that bad ?!?!

OP posts:
FlowerFairyLights · 04/08/2017 10:50

Most parents say their nursery is amazing.

Most nursery workers seem to say they wouldn't send their babies/small children to one!

user1490465531 · 04/08/2017 10:57

you can't blame low staff morale when nursery workers have to study hard for a level 3 to be paid shit minimum wage when they could get more as an unqualified shelf stacker.
Maybe if nursery workers were appreciated more and respected more it would change how the job role is viewed.
There is a lot of stresses, paperwork to do following EYFS and responsibilities and pay doesn't reflect that.

PeppaPigObsession · 04/08/2017 10:57

I love my DDs nursery.

I don't expect her needs to be met immediately, and I think it's good for her to learn that sometimes we need to wait our turn or do something else.

Also DD is an only child so is used to 100% of my attention, and I think it's good she has to share the attention of the staff at Nursery.

I certainly don't think it does her any harm. She's 2 and goes 3 days a week, this morning I helped her over the large front door step into the Toddler Room and before I'd got over myself she'd walked passed her key worker who'd opened the door sat down in a little chair next to her friend, grabbed a piece of toast and was happily eating. I didn't even get a wave this morning Sad

And DD has some extra needs Nursery have her on their Multiple and Complex Needs List which the Nursery seem to cater too, and she's doing well.

So if talking about my DDs Nursery YABU. Although I looked round some which I thought were awful, so if talking about them YANBU because i'd not leave my dog there.

eyebrowsonfleek · 04/08/2017 10:59

My kids did school nursery and didn't need individual attention as they are well behaved for staff and NT. The staff set up varied and interesting activities and what my kids needed from m them was encouragement if they were reluctant and refereeing if disputes occurred. Age 3 is that time when curiousity about other kids is very high and nursery is a good place to discover more about peers on their own terms without helicoptering parents.

Love51 · 04/08/2017 11:00

There are so many factors at play. The research that says children do better at nursery isn't nuanced enough to take unto account the vast differences in experienced children have at home. At one point my whole house was an amazing learning environment, with a range of play, messy projects, all sorts going on. Lots of playmates round, as well as trips out with other families. Better than one of the worse nurseries for sure. At another point we were moving house, so it had to be tidy for viewings, then we were boxing up, and if the weather was bad the kids watched too much telly. They might have been as well in nursery as being benignly neglected at home.
Personally I went for an experienced childminder with a large setting and full time assistant. My nieces went to a nusery, the kids have all developed well. The nursery stank of nappies though, and my child minders house never does, (but that bothers me, not the kids!)
I think there is something to be said for using care you are comfortable with - not all nurseries (or child minders, or grannies) are equal.

RatRolyPoly · 04/08/2017 11:02

Ha! People who work in nurseries are likely quite good at looking after children, so when they have their own why WOULDN'T they look after them at home??

I, on the other hand, am shocking at entertaining a small child day after day. Weekends, the odd day, but day after day after day... It's not my forte. We'd both be miserable. I'm good at numbers and spreadsheets and stuff, which is lucky because otherwise it wouldn't just be ds's EMOTIONAL needs that wouldn't be met, he wouldn't have food or a roof over his head either!

So he's been in nursery 3/4 days a week since he was 7 months old. He's now 2. He FREAKIN' LOVES it. Sure, if I was as good at daily child amusement and stimulation as those trained professionals perhaps I'd be think he'd be better off staying at home with me too - BUT I'M NOT - and honestly the fun he has at nursery and the fun we have at home the rest of the week, it's the best of both worlds for both of us.

Writerwannabe83 · 04/08/2017 11:03

My DS was with a childminder from when he was 10 months old and stayed there until I transferred him into a nursery when he was about 2yr 3m where I thought he'd benefit from it.

There were some good aspects and some not so good.

One day I got a phone call from the nursery at 2pm to tell me that from 4.30pm that day they were no longer allowed to look after children as Ofsted had shut them down Shock I was told there'd been an "incident" between a member of staff and some children (plural), a parent put a complaint in, Ofsted visited and shut them down. That really put me off Nurseries and I put my soon with a childminder again.

I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and when I return to work the baby will go to a childminder. That's because I don't think Nurseries are the best environments for children under 18-24 months old though.

DollyDillys · 04/08/2017 11:03

I worked in nurseries for over 12 years. I pay for nursery even when I am not working. I think all children should have the chance to go to free nursery. That is why the government give it out for free as it is good for children It's only financial reasons why they won't fund everyones and they should.

JaniceBattersby · 04/08/2017 11:03

I wouldn't put a six month old baby in a nursery, but that's more about me thinking that it would be too young to be away from a primary caregiver rather than me thinking nurseries are xrap. I'm sure there are many that are lovely, nurturing places.

I wouldn't hesitate to put an older child in a nursery. I think they're great for helping social skills.

DollyDillys · 04/08/2017 11:05

I find it impossible to provide as high standard of care at home as a nursery does.

Adviceplease360 · 04/08/2017 11:09

Nursery care is only beneficial for a child from three onwards, unless their home life is abusive/ neglectful. Every single person I know who works in a nursery or with young children (4 people) says they would never leave their kids in a nursery. Nurseries are there primarily to make money, they are a business firstly.

Lules · 04/08/2017 11:09

Mine's been in nursery for 2/3 days a week since he was 11 months old. I'm sure sometimes he cries and sometimes doesn't get attention when he wants it but that's the same when I'm looking after him. i had 2 sodding hours of whinging between 5am-7-am this morning He always seems excited going in and happy when I pick him up so it can't be too bad.

strawberrygate · 04/08/2017 11:11

writer I hope you're going to give the new baby continuity of care and leave him / her with the childminder till school if they are happy?

RatRolyPoly · 04/08/2017 11:11

I find it impossible to provide as high standard of care at home as a nursery does.

Exactly this Dolly.

Why is it assumed that a woman looking after her small child at home should automatically be the best at it - as great as multiple trained professionals in a purpose-built environment? Talk about pressure! Nurseries are fine, they have their place, use 'em or don't but don't unanimously declare them all as being "not best" for children, babies OR families.

smellyboot · 04/08/2017 11:11

Almost all the DC I know were in nurseries from very young and all are healthy, happy, well adjusted children. They all thrived and none show any adverse side effects hahaha All different nurseries chosen by parents for different reasons e.g location, facilities etc
I have witnessed childminders who ignore children and stick them in front of the TV. I see CMS are our school that do so many school picks and drop off as well, that the under 3 children spend a lot of time in the buggy being walked to and from schools, even in awful weathers. I know CMs who often say they just can't always be bothered doing loads of enriching 1-1 stuff so they just take all the DC to loads of play groups so they are amused there instead, whilst they chill and catch up with CM friends. I have had several friends who did CM and gave up as it was too much hassle. I have friends who are often let down by CMs or have to arrange their holidays around their CM.
When I was on mat leave I saw all these things too so used a nursery.
As least at nurseries there should be visibility of what is happening all day!!!.... or we all just give up work and deal with the boredom ourselves lol

hackmum · 04/08/2017 11:13

The truth is, you don't know what goes on when you're not there. Nursery staff are looking after a large group of babies and toddlers, which I imagine is quite stressful and irritating. And they don't love them the way you love them.

I used to send my DD to a preschool that I thought was lovely, as did most of the parents I knew. But a friend who worked there after DD left told me stories of favouritism, preferential treatment of girls over boys, unkindness to children who weren't among the favoured few and so on. Now at another preschool with a good reputation, she's telling similar stories, plus stuff about the staff bitching about the parents, forcing children to eat all their packed lunch before they can play (even ones who have clearly been given far too much in their lunchbox) intolerance of children with behavioural problems. It just made me feel really sad. Small children and babies can't tell you that something's wrong, so it makes bullying and favouritism very easy to get away with.

RatRolyPoly · 04/08/2017 11:14

Nursery care is only beneficial for a child from three onwards

Er, yeah, actively beneficial, as in BETTER THEN NOT GOING. There's absolutely nothing that says they're any worse for children before three.

RatRolyPoly · 04/08/2017 11:14

*than not then

Writerwannabe83 · 04/08/2017 11:14

writer I hope you're going to give the new baby continuity of care and leave him / her with the childminder till school if they are happy?

What? Seems like a very strange thing to say?

DollyDillys · 04/08/2017 11:14

It is impossible. Do you talk to a friend? Well not doing as good as a nursery. Do you clean your house? You are not as good as a nursery. Do you have all areas of EYFS set up and accessible at all times of day? You are not as good as a nursery. Do you pick up your older children? Taking learning time out the day and not focusing on them.

I feel guilty all the time when I do things that aren't as good as the nursery.

kungfupannda · 04/08/2017 11:15

DS3's nursery is lovely. Both his brothers went there and always want to come in at pick-up to see their old key workers. Two staff members have their own children there. As soon as I put DS3 down to open the door he is trying to squeeze inside, waving frantically at everyone as though he hasn't seen them for weeks. It's very unflattering Grin

Adviceplease360 · 04/08/2017 11:16

Hackmum that's exactly what I have found. One friend said they never tell parents the truth about their childs day as management would be annoyed if a parent complained or in case they pull their child out.

DollyDillys · 04/08/2017 11:16

Even now I am on my phone. If I was at a nursery this would be gross misconduct!

Adviceplease360 · 04/08/2017 11:18

Rolypoly, studies show it is worse actually. Google them

strawberrygate · 04/08/2017 11:18

winter you said you removed your first child from the CM to a nursery? seems an odd thing to do unless you weren't happy with the CM. Small children thrive on continuity and familiarity .

Swipe left for the next trending thread