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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told this woman I don't want to be her friend?

832 replies

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 12:15

DS started school last September. I always try and avoid the school gates as I don't want to socialise whilst there but for the past 6 months or so this Prisoner Cell Block H woman has forced her company into me. I just don't like her or want to socialise with her! I've tried standing in different places, ignoring her as much as pos without being totally rude and telling her I'm busy when she asks about going for coffees etc but she just won't fuck off.

Since summer holidays started the school have ran a play group for the little ones so I've been taking DS. This morning she turns up, seeks me out and then starts waffling on about how much her DS has missed mine and how great it is that we can continue seeing each other through the summer holidays. Today she caught me on one of my less tolerant days so I said to her "to be honest, I'm not here to socialise, I like my own company so if I don't seem very friendly, don't take it personally". She said "oh no I'm the same! I like to just come here and then go home, not stand chatting!". I replied "good, well I'll see you around then" and walked to the other side of the room.

5 minutes later she came across to me and said "have you seen how well they play together? Isn't it nice! I was thinking, the leisure centre do a sports club for little ones, why don't we meet up there next week?".

Now I'm sorry but I feel I've been more than patient!!! So I said "because like I told you, I like my own company and don't want to socialise". She replied "but it's not for us, it's for the little ones?". So I snapped and said "why do you constantly say "little ones"? It's really annoying. Anyway can you please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you. I've tried to be polite but I shouldn't have to keep repeating myself! You're spoiling my time here!". She gasped and said "wow, who pissed on your side of the bed this morning! I was just being friendly!" So I said "and now you've seen my not so nice side and the reason I don't socialise so can you please fuck off?".

She did fuck off but not before reporting me to the group leaders!!! Before anyone says it I know I'm not a nice person but that's why I choose not to socialise!! I'd told her numerous times politely to leave me alone!!! AIBU to think it's her fault we ended up arguining as she just wouldn't take no for an answer???

OP posts:

Notreallyarsed · 03/08/2017 13:04

I'm not a keyboard warrior, I've had to be quite blunt with a nursery mum who wouldn't leave me alone (think 6am texting, relentless messaging throughout the day and constant demands on my time), I didn't swear at her though. I told her straight that despite me asking her not to do the things that were stressing me out she had chosen not to listen so I'd blocked her from everything and decided to take a step back for my own MH. I didn't even swear at her when she compared my mum's death 3 days earlier to her mum being incommunicado on holiday that week!

GahBuggerit · 03/08/2017 13:05

It sounds like you're trying to be as shocking as possible, like that other pillock, Howard Stern was it?

Either way, yawn, if you'd have spoke to me like that I'd have told you to calm the fuck down and invited you for a coffee to discuss it all mwahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Original poster

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 13:06

Thanks seacabbage 😊 I do have friends believe it or not so I can't be totally unlikable 😂

OP posts:

imamouseduh · 03/08/2017 13:06

Have a nice lonely life, OP. It's sad that your son will, too, though.

Longdistance · 03/08/2017 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

paxillin · 03/08/2017 13:07

The "fuck off" was over the top. But following someone who clearly runs away from you, has said no several times, never tried to initiate a chat, and has actually asked you to leave them alone?

Who is that desperate and also arrogant to think her company is so great surely OP must have meant "yes" when she said "hell no"?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 03/08/2017 13:07

EddysWildHair, I'm an introvert, but could handle the school gates.
Obviously, this woman didn't read the signals. I think she was hoping that your children could have a friendship, and the occasional meet up, or play date.
I would appologise, and how about inviting the child to one of your martial art classes, or something else suitable.
You never know, they could become life long friends.
Her reporting you, well, that's something else.

elevenclips · 03/08/2017 13:08

Longdistance - surely calling OP a first class wanker is a personal attack? Do you think you are any better if you have written something like that?

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 13:08

Oh and just to add, while everyone is feeling oh so sorry for OP's child, it might be worth mentioning that I sincerely hope the other woman is teaching her son how to take a hint/back off/listen to no.

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2017 13:09

Op, you say you're not a nice person, you go onto prove it my relaying this tale of extreme aggression and obnoxiousness. Is there a back story? No one behaves like this and simoly accepts they aren't a nice person by way of justification,

Do you have mental health issues that causes you to react in such a way?

WhataHexIgotinto · 03/08/2017 13:10

Why bother apologising if you're not bothered either way if she accepts it or not. That's pointless. Apologise if you're genuinely sorry, not because a load of people have called you out.

Don't do it to make yourself feel better for a cunty act.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 03/08/2017 13:10

OP, don't home school, I don't think you know how to calibrate the extent of your unsociability/ introversion or whatever. It's probably better offset with the more usual social involvement (for your kid) at school.

Lots of parents only talk about their kids as an ice breaker. When the social contact is made, you can move on to the more interesting topics.

The martial art I'm involved in puts a lot of emphasis on respect for others and politeness...

paxillin · 03/08/2017 13:11

And yes, those people calling OP an arsehole, bellend and wanker are as rude as OP was with her "fuck off" without being cornered by a pesterer who won't go away, so probably worse.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 03/08/2017 13:12

There is direct and there is telling someone to 'fuck off' at a toddler group. I would apologise if people talking to me politely was offensive to me as that would be my problem. Most people don't consider their kids friends parents making a few minutes polite chat at pick up times/toddler group as 'stalking'. Perhaps if the op genuinely feels she's being stalked she should report it to the police as I believe they take such things seriously
I think it would be more beneficial for the op to ignore the very few posters who think telling someone to fuck off for talking to them at a toddler group is normal or reasonable behaviour because it really really isn't.

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 13:12

^ this

HooplaLoopla1 · 03/08/2017 13:13

^ this was to Paxillin

gillybeanz · 03/08/2017 13:13

I'm sorry for your son tbh.
I was never buddies with other school mums but my dc were always offered play dates and we reciprocated.
It's a pity you are refusing to put his needs above your cuntish behaviour.
That's a good swear word too.

PurpleMinionMummy · 03/08/2017 13:13

Oops. Well I think you may have been a bit ott. But you made it clear you weren't up for chatting and she ignored that.

Making your child kate for school trying to avoid her is an issue though. You need to deal with that.

WhataHexIgotinto · 03/08/2017 13:14

Ah Paxillin come on, while I don't agree with calling the OP names, if someone told me to fuck off in real life I'd be really upset. If I'm called a wanker on here I don't really give a shiny shite. It's the internet so i don't care.

flumpybear · 03/08/2017 13:14

I'm erring towards your angle OP as you did seem to give her clear messages and she chose to ignore til you snapped

Does your child really like her child? If so perhaps a bit more arms length socialising is ok - 'just drop him off at our house' type of thing

The anxiety thing stuck with me, when I had a severe case of anxiety I found it hard walking to school without feeling panicky and hurty chest - it's better more
Controlled now but I still get pangs and still chose my friends rather than socialise with anyone and everyone people at work wouldn't believe that but in my real home life I'm a bit of a hermit

MrsMozart · 03/08/2017 13:15

You let her know you weren't there to socialise. Bound to snap at some point.

Polarbearflavour · 03/08/2017 13:15

I do find other people really annoying sometimes. OP, it sounds like you just lost your rag after trying to make it clear to the woman. There were better ways to react but some people do not get the hint!

tiggytape · 03/08/2017 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

EddysWildHair · 03/08/2017 13:16

I'm going to apologise to hopefully make her feel better. I'll also give her a flyer for the martial arts group for her son.

OP posts:

Ceto · 03/08/2017 13:17

I feel for you OP. You have given this woman polite fuck off vibes for six months and she won't take the hint.

The thing is, though, that when your respective children are friendly, the fuck off vibes aren't a great idea. You don't have to go off for coffee with the parents, but you do at least need to be prepared to be moderately friendly in the playground, otherwise thing like playdates and parties become impossible.

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